


Your Guardian Angel

by EpsilonWrites



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous Feelings, Anal Sex, Angst, Awkward Flirting, Dorks in Love, Excessive Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Guardian Angel Gabriel, Healthy Relationships, Heavy Angst, It'll all be explained I promise, Lots of kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Nightmares, Non-angelic behavior, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to past neglect/abuse, Safe Sane and Consensual, Slow Burn, Temporary Character Death, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Veteran Jack, ambiguous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2018-12-17 13:28:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 72,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11852550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EpsilonWrites/pseuds/EpsilonWrites
Summary: Sometimes, guardian angels appear in a flash of white light and pick your life right back up in a gesture of good faith. Other times, they scare the shit out of you and eat all your food.





	1. Divine Intervention

**Author's Note:**

> In which Jack is a veteran trying to let go of the past who runs into none other than Gabriel Reyes, his reluctant guardian angel.
> 
> If you like what I write, follow me on Tumblr at https://epsilon-writes.tumblr.com! I take requests :)

At 8:55 AM on Thursday, Jack Morrison is awake.

At 8:56 AM, he realizes that he’ll be late for work.

At exactly 9:27 AM, he stumbles into his office, tie askew, briefcase soaking after he dropped it in a puddle on the sprint over here. His boss merely growls at him and shoves today’s paperwork towards his panting frame. That’s the second time this week. Not that anyone cares about the reason. Being overworked doesn’t matter when your HR department is missing the “H” part of the equation.

At 10:04 AM, Jack takes a break for coffee. He hasn’t had the time to brew it today since he collapsed from exhaustion last night and woke up with 5 minutes to spare. As horrible as the sludge here is, it still smells appetizing until it ends up splattered all over the floor and the left side of his shirt. His shoe is perpetually sticky for the rest of the day, and a bit of rage coils deep in his gut aimed at the guy who didn’t even stop to help clean up the mess he caused.

At 12:00 PM, he leaves for lunch. His favorite sandwich place is closed.

At 12:47 PM, he returns from his break to see a fresh pile of work on his desk. As if he didn’t already work overtime every other day of the week. His face is as red as the pretty little burn on his side from the damn coffee. He didn’t come back from three tours for this shit. He’s staring at his unfinished work long enough for one of his coworkers to poke their mean little fingers into his burned side, right on the coffee stain. He elbows them in the face out of instinct and spends the next five minutes apologizing while simultaneously trying to get the memories of gun barrels and dead comrades out of his mind’s eye.

At 12:59 PM, Jack Morrison packs his supplies in a spare box and leaves the office. He wears a shell-shocked expression as the words “Temper management issues” flash before his eyes. This was supposed to be the job where he made it, where he’d get back to the real world and start making a life for himself again. Though, if he thinks about it, five years without a raise should’ve given him a clue.

The walk home is agonizing, and every odd look from the passing pedestrian rubs salt in the wound Jack is already aware of. The sun shines as if to mock him, high in the sky. He slams the door to his small apartment and drops his box on the kitchen counter, flopping onto his bed and letting out a dry sob. The world isn’t like they show you in the movies. There’s no heart-filled expression on the villain’s face as tear-jerking music swells in the background. Nobody suddenly relents and recounts their tragic backstory as he’s rewarded with everything he’s ever wanted for his efforts.

There’s just him, the dying plants he promised himself he’d take care of, and the silence. What would he tell his parents? “Mom, Dad, the money you scraped together to get me back on my feet and help me move to downtown Bloomington went to shit.” Like that’d go over well. They’d watched him pack his bags all those years ago, his mother in tears raving about how her son was going to be war hero. Maybe he should’ve put some more thought into what he’d signed up for before joining the army.

With the buzz of anxiety tugging at his brain like a hyperactive insect, Jack drags himself out of bed and cracks open the fridge. Not like there’s much to be had. There’s some milk, a few beers, some vegetables that he should really check the due date on… at least there are a few frozen dinners in the freezer and a _lot_ of canned food in the cabinets. He settles on some alcohol, needing to just sit and process what’s happened.

He kicks back, nurses a cold beer, and thinks. Was there really anything for someone like him? He wasn’t a genius child, he wasn’t the class favorite, his claim to fame was his stint as Quarterback in high school. Angela tries to convince him to go into modeling every time she sees him, but he'd rather keep his body the way it is. They can’t hide  _all_ the scars, and he wouldn’t want them to. They’re little reminders of everything he’s gone through, no matter how much the world refuses to pay attention to them. He probably wouldn’t like the parties, either.

He thinks for a moment that he should just hang it up. He’s 35, but his mother and father would always welcome him back, glad for another helping hand on the farm. His brother is off making money at the forefront of the microbiology field, he take care of making the Morrison name something to be revered all by himself. The younger son can just be ordinary old Jack, professional country hick. He can be the one that “just wasn’t right” after coming back. He can be the butt of jokes. What does it matter?

At least, that’s what he thinks until he hears something break behind him, followed by a muffled “shit.” His nerves are immediately on edge, and he slowly turns around but sees nothing through his bedroom door. The bathroom, then.

Jack carefully tiptoes to the bedroom and grabs the handgun he keeps under his pillow. How did he not notice whoever was in here when he was in the bedroom?! More importantly, how did whoever was in here not notice  _him_?

In one fell swoop, he kicks the bathroom door open with a scream, prepared to fight whatever criminal managed to magically appear in his house… only to find that nothing is broken at all. There’s nobody in here. What the hell?

A hand suddenly grips at his arm. “Wow, they stuck me with a lively one. Y’know, you’re lucky you’re human. If you weren’t they’d call you… what was it… oh yeah, rabid.”

He panics. The arm isn’t letting go of him no matter how hard he tries, and he’s  _strong_. Boot camp didn’t just turn out anything ordinary, and that’s something he can brag about. So who the fuck is this?!

“Woah woah, calm down, Rock Bottom. If you want me to help you, I’d suggest not trying to put a bullet in my skull. They tell me that I can get real cranky when people do that.” His head whips around, trying to get a good look at whoever’s invaded his space.

It’s a man, he can tell from the voice. Facial hair, a few scars on his cheeks, darker skin than he himself has. If he wasn’t afraid that everything would end right here, he’d say that this person was rather handsome.

“The fuck do you want,” he grits out, aware that his hands are starting to shake. Damn it.

“To help someone in need, you could say. Though if he keeps trying to shoot me, I might change my mind. Put down the gun, asshole.” Though the man restraining him is strong, not even  _budging_  when Jack uses all his strength, he seems to have a rather nonchalant attitude. Perhaps he really is just defending himself.

Jack relaxes some of his muscles. The man behind him heaves a sigh and removes his hand. Blood rushes back into the vet’s arm, and he rubs at it to get all the tingles out. He can get a better look at this mystery man now. He has casual clothes on, just a hoodie and loose pants, a beanie covering his head. He doesn’t  _look_  like he came prepared to rob someone tonight.

“Finished with your temper tantrum, Rock Bottom?” His voice is the embodiment of casual, as if Jack isn’t holding a gun. The words “temper tantrum” cut deep, though he supposes this man isn’t aware of what’s happened to him today.

“Who are you?” He’s still holding the gun, though his finger’s off the trigger.

“Your fridge is a wasteland. Ever seen one of those new-fangled supermarkets, man? They’re pretty neat, if you ask me.” Either he hasn’t heard Jack’s question, or he’s blatantly ignoring him.

“You try working without a raise on vet benefits, see how  _you_  like it.” Why is he even debating his living situation with this person?

“Ouch. I didn’t agree to take you just so I could be insulted. I’m not  _that_  much of a masochist.” The man shrugs and shoulders past Jack so he can get at his fridge… again, apparently.

Agree to take him? What did that even mean?

He finds the man drinking milk right out of the carton like some deadbeat college kid. “What the  _fuck_ , man!”

He pauses. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

Well, other than a tiny smirk that infuriates Jack even more, he doesn’t. Which is surprising, considering this man has quite a thick goatee which should logically catch some of the milk he’s drinking without permission.

The thief seems to get tired of Jack staring at him. He holds the carton in his hand and leans against the counter petulantly. “The fuck is your problem?”

Jack seethes. “I’m not the one drinking someone else’s milk!”

“Oh, shit, this is someone else’s milk? This isn’t yours? I’d think you’d put  _your_  milk in  _your_  fridge, Rock Bottom.”

“You know what I fucking mean!”

“Do I?” He takes another swig before screwing the lid back on and tosses the carton to Jack, who grabs it and shakes it, silently bemoaning the fact that this thief has taken a large portion of it. He shoves it back in his fridge and slams the door shut.

“Quit playing games or I really will shoot you. Who are you and what do you want?”

“I’m an angel. Your guardian angel, in fact.” He deadpans it so naturally that Jack actually believes it for a moment. He raises the gun.

“You have 10 seconds.”

“God, do you really have to take that long?”

“Fine.” Jack shoots. The bullet stops an inch from the other man’s head. It twirls in the air before dropping in his outstretched hand.

“Ouch,” is all that is said as the otherworldly milk thief tosses the bullet in the air before catching it again.

Jack lowers the gun, stupefied. What has he gotten himself into?

“Convinced yet, Rock Bottom?”

The blonde winces. “Will you stop calling me that?”

“Fine. Convinced, Jackie-boy?” That might just be worse. Though, it does convince Jack a little more, considering this man knows his name.

“Maybe. What’s your name, then?”

“Gabriel.”

“Wait, like  _the_  Gabriel?”

“Yes.”

“Seriously?!”

“No. The big guy runs out of names sometimes. Of course I’m him, asshole. Buy some more food, I’ll sleep on your couch if you’re too chicken to share a bed.”

Jack just… watches Gabriel.  _The_  Gabriel, who’s just appeared in his home, stolen his milk, and is now insisting that he’s his new angelic roommate.

He can’t say whether his bad day just got worse or better.


	2. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usually, supernatural beings don't stick around to answer all your questions. Jack is lucky in that regard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support! Honestly thought this fic was just going to disappear into the ether.
> 
> If you like what I write, follow me on Tumblr at https://epsilon-writes.tumblr.com! I take requests :)

As Jack quickly finds out, Gabriel is a bit of an annoyance.

The angel insists on taking up the entirety of the couch, even when Jack wants to have a seat so they can discuss ground rules. He doesn’t leave, or that’s how it seems. When Jack goes out job-hunting, he has the strangest feeling of being watched, yet he comes home to that same infuriating face regarding him from his furniture.

“It’s a small space designed for one person,” he urges one day while Gabriel looks on, utterly disinterested. “I can’t have you just sitting here mooching off me all the time. My grocery bill’s doubled since you showed up. Can’t you just… go back to where you came from when you’re not helping me?” Jack isn’t even sure how the angel being here is supposed to help him, anyway. Gabriel seems intent on just using his apartment and not doing whatever his job is supposed to be. At least he hasn’t commented on the nightmares. Yet.

The angel regards him for a moment before turning up the volume on the small television Jack took with him from his parent’s house when he moved in. “No can do,” he says offhandedly. “That’s not part of the deal. Guardian angels hole up with their sad sacks and make sure they don’t go doing anything drastic, and then we kindly fuck off when we’re done.”

“That doesn’t sound very cinematic,” Jack muses. What was that one Christmas movie called? Couldn’t Gabriel just mysteriously disappear and then come to Jack whenever he needed a friendly hug or something?

His thoughts are interrupted by an ugly snort from the angel using up his couch space. “You’re joking.” He moves his legs for the first damn time and Jack takes the opportunity to sit down right where the appendages have just vacated. “You, a man who’s seen the worst humanity has to offer, have just turned to me and suggested that I should poof in and out of existence willy nilly just so you can have your alone time.” He retaliates by propping his feet up on Jack’s thighs.

The vet groans, tipping his head up towards the ceiling. Gabriel has a point, loathe as he is to admit it. Life isn’t fair to people like him, irksome angelic tagalongs notwithstanding. “S’pose you’re right. Can’t have everything, I guess.”

“Damn right. You should be on your knees thanking me right now, but I’ll settle for using you as a pillow. I’m just that nice.”

Jack sighs, figuring it couldn’t hurt to give this angel a taste of his own medicine. He drapes his arms over the legs that have so rudely invaded his personal space, fixing his gaze on the television. If he thinks about it, Gabriel _is_ sort of like the roommate he would’ve had if he’d gone to college. Perhaps he’d have gotten a raise if he went for that degree instead of joining the army, he thinks idly.

Hell, who is he kidding?

The room lapses into some sort of quiet, broken by Gabriel’s odd little chuckles at whatever’s playing on the television right now. He can’t quite tell if it’s supposed to be a cruel satire of a reality show, or if it’s just that bad.

At least it gives Jack time to think. It’s been three days since this man’s invited himself into his home, eaten his food, taken too long in the shower, and refused to leave his comfortable spot on the couch. And yet, he still has a million questions that the angel hasn’t answered yet. He’s gotten the name, of course, and the implications behind it. But why would an Archangel be tasked with keeping him company in the worst time of his life?

Jack breaks the silence that’s been hanging over them like dark curtains, finally. “Will you at least tell me some things about you? I’m not sure about what it’s like up in Heaven but I’d think that we should at least learn about each other.”

Gabriel scoffs. “I know everything I need to know about _you_ , Jackie-boy. It comes with the job description. I’ve seen you during your army days, and I know about your love for cooking things with corn in them.”

Jack blushes. “Well, fine then. How about I ask _you_ some questions, _Gabe_?”

The angel, who’s been tapping his left foot to some unknown rhythm until now, freezes. Jack feels victory course through his veins. “Don’t you dare,” Gabriel snarls.

“Gabe.”

“ _No_.”

“Gaaaabe,” Jack drawls in a singsong voice.

“Morrison, I’m warning you.” Gabriel is wound tight like a coil, and Jack is reminded of a petulant cat.

He smirks. He’s won. “Then stop calling me Jackie-boy.”

“Well, fine. I’m assuming you prefer John, then? Johnny? John-John?” Jack winces and catches Gabriel’s hand as it raises, presumably to flick him somewhere on his face. Whatever the angel’s been told, he’s not aware of the fact that Jack doesn’t like strangers touching his face. He’s still self-conscious about the scars, no matter how flattering his mother tells him they look.

Shrapnel scoring down his face as his friends burned all around him sure didn’t _feel_ flattering.

“Don’t,” he growls. “Just call me Jack.” By some grace of God himself, assuming that he might be paying attention, Gabriel seems to know that he isn’t joking this time. His hand lowers, resting on his stomach instead.

“Sourpuss.”

“You got it.”

Gabriel apparently appreciates that, as he lets out a bit of a laugh. Or maybe he’s still paying attention to the drivel playing on the television. A pregnant silence sets in once more before the angel stretches, nearly kicking Jack in the face before settling back down and scratching the underside of his chin.

“You had questions, didn’t you? Ask away, _Jack_.” He attacks the ‘ck’ sound like it owes him money, likely out of spite. Well, as long as he’s saying it correctly.

Jack muses for a moment, suddenly out of questions for the angel. “Well, why don’t you have wings?” It’s a basic question, but it’s been plaguing the veteran ever since he just accepted that Gabriel was, indeed, God’s very own messenger. He can forgive the fact that his new colleague favors more casual clothes, ones he’s still not sure where they come from. But he’s an _Archangel_ , for Christ’s sake. Yet Jack hasn’t found one glittering feather anywhere on the furniture Gabriel favors so much.

“Pardon?” The other man looks genuinely confused.

“Y’know…” Jack gestures awkwardly to Gabriel’s torso, which proves a bit difficult from where he’s trapped underneath the man’s legs. “No wings. Don’t you have those in every single illustration there is?”

“Not _all_ of them,” Gabriel says with a wink as if Jack’s supposed to understand what he’s referencing. “But if you want to see my wings, you’re more than welcome to. I hope you don’t mind every single atom in your body exploding out of sheer respect for my glory.” He cleans some dirt from under a fingernail.

Jack scoffs. “You’re joking, right? You can’t be _that_ full of yourself.”

“I am God’s messenger, what you see is only a fraction of what I am, and I’m completely serious about the obliteration thing.” He gets that tone in his voice that Jack’s come to recognize in the short time they’ve spent in each other’s company. It’s the one he used when he first told the veteran what he is. The deadpan, serious lilt he uses when he’s giving it to him straight.

Still, Jack holds a nugget of doubt in his mind. He can pry more later. “Fine.” Gabriel makes a ‘get on with it’ motion as his foot starts tapping again. Next question, then.

“If you’re gonna be freeloading off me ‘til my life gets ironed out, then where are you gonna stay when I’m out with my friends? I don’t trust you alone with all my shit.” Jack knows what’s about to happen as soon as Gabriel opens his mouth.

The angel mock gasps. “You have _friends_?! Color me-” his words are cut off as soon as Jack clamps a hand over his mouth. He makes a few muffled noises of protest before something wet and slimy scrapes across the vet’s palm.

Jack immediately retracts his hand with a disgusted noise, looking at the wet sheen on the skin of his palm. “You _licked_ me?!” Gabriel shrugs, apparently unfazed by this incredibly non-angelic behavior. Were _all_ the other angels like him?

“In answer to your question, if you don’t want me making your drab apartment lighter just by being here, you’ll have to take me with you. I’m not going back up _there_ until my job’s done.” He smirks, suddenly sitting up and getting uncomfortably close to Jack’s face.

“Word of advice, though. Being so horribly mean to an Archangel doesn’t look that good to the big guy, if you know what I’m saying.” Great, so now he’s contending with his ticket to Heaven as a reward for putting up with this entitled little shit.

Jack just sighs, not paying attention to the anxious way he’s taken part of Gabriel’s pant leg between his fingers, scraping the material against itself. The angel doesn’t seem to mind, as he just lays back down and turns his attention towards the television once more.

“So… don’t you have a _job_ to do?” Another burgeoning question. Surely an Archangel had something else to be doing rather than just shacking up with some down-on-his-luck veteran.

“What do you mean? You’re my job. This is what I _do_ , no matter how hard you try to get me out of your life.” As flattering as that’s supposed to be, it isn’t the answer Jack is looking for.

He shifts his position on the couch, worried that he’ll start losing the blood flow to his legs soon. Gabriel is surprisingly heavy. Maybe it’s all that glory he was ranting about. “Doesn’t God’s messenger have something else to do? Like… heavenly paperwork or something?”

To his surprise, that gets Gabriel laughing. To Jack, what he’s said doesn’t seem all that funny, but apparently it’s struck a nerve in his housemate. The angel’s laugh is almost musical in the brief moments that his voice can be heard. The rest is a series of awkward gasps and stunted breaths that sound like he’s choking at points.

It’s not cute.

Gabriel coughs a couple times before he _finally_ calms down. “Heavenly paperwork. Oh, I’ve gotta tell the others about that. That’s too rich, Jack.” He sighs happily. “Of course I have other things to do. They’re getting done right now, in fact. Oh, I just suggested to a war general a few dozen light years away that their advisor is deceiving them, and that they _totally_ deserve to die. It’s gonna be so hilarious.”

The angel giggles to himself, as if he’s just committed some master crime, though Jack sits there, stunned. Granted, he should have guessed that an infinitely powerful being could exist in multiple places at once. Maybe his true form is still up in Heaven somewhere, and this man on his couch is some sort of projection. “What does the general look like? What’s his deal?”

Gabriel looks at him, offended. “Rude,” he says. “I’m sparing you the trouble of figuring out an alien language’s personal pronouns by using English, and you _still_ go for ‘his’. Humans, I swear to God.”

Jack growls under his breath. “Well, what do you call yourself?! Sure look like a dude to me!” He swats at the angel angrily, and only gets more cackles in return.

“Oh, you just _love_ to fit us into boxes, don’t you?” He finally sits up, taking his legs off Jack to sit cross-legged. “Listen. I know that you people enjoy your binaries, but think about it. When I say ‘the big guy’, do you really think the entity that presides over the universe itself chooses to sit around in a chair all day lookin’ like some giant man?”

Yet again, he has a point. Jack sighs. “When you put it that way…”

The other man relaxes back onto the couch again, legs once again in Jack’s lap. “Exactly. That general I’m talking to right now sees me like I was born on their planet, just as you see me now. We do it to make you feel more comfortable. Isn’t that nice?” Well, if the alternative is getting destroyed from the inside out at the mere sight of Gabriel’s angelic form, Jack supposes he’s thankful.

“So what’s with all the ‘not acting like an angel’ stuff? I’d think you’d wear robes, not _this_.” He picks at Gabriel’s clothing again, but again, the angel doesn’t seem to mind. “Isn’t calling upon God’s name unless in prayer blasphemy or something?”

“What, you think I’d show up in a priest’s outfit and get all bent out of shape when you swear?” There’s that laugh again. Jack winces but powers through it. “Tried it for a few eons. Not a fan. Some of us see trips to the physical realm as a chance to indulge in all sides of all cultures, not just the devout parts. We get bored of trying to maintain everyone’s expectations day in and day out. Michael doesn’t, though. He thinks he’s better than all of you people. Fuck Michael.”

Gabriel seems to get lost in thought for a moment, and Jack regards him curiously. So often he forgets the fact that the man bumming off his couch is so much more than he seems, and he wonders if that’s purposeful. Come to think of it, it _would_ be pretty difficult if he had to live with some stiff prude that turned his nose up at the slightest inkling of sinful behavior.

“So does the big guy or Michael get angry with you when they see you acting like this?” Jack removes Gabriel’s legs only to stand up and grab a soda, as the angel has long since rooted around in his fridge and claimed the last bottle of beer.

He returns and his housemate lifts up his legs, as if expecting his pillow to return graciously. Against his better judgement, Jack complies.

“Big guy doesn’t, too busy watching over everything. Michael does,” Gabriel explains. “Not often, though. Both of them have better things to do than worry about little old me. I do my jobs, keep it all hush-hush until it really matters, and then kick back and enjoy the results.”

“When does it really matter?”

Gabriel laughs. “…Jesus.”

Jack furrows his brow. “Did I say something wrong?”

Another bark of laughter. “No. _Jesus_.”

The vet wracks his brain for any bit of religious studies he might remember from high school. His family wasn’t exactly the ‘cross on every wall, strictly devout’ type. Quite the contrary. They accepted Jack for who he is, and welcomed him back from his tours with open arms, scars and all. It’s some of the other families that he’d have to worry about if he moved back in with them.

Jack’s musings are cut short by a foot dangerously close to his nose. He shoves it aside and looks at Gabriel accusingly. The angel shrugs. “You’re the one zoning out on me, Jackie.”

Still not his real name, but he can put up with it.

“So, figured it out yet?” He’s probably losing Gabriel’s interest by now, with how uninterested that question sounds.

“Figured what out?”

“I tend to tell people important information… y’know, they don’t really see it coming, cuz nobody actually _did_ any cumming in the first place?” Instead of full-on laughter, Gabriel giggles to himself. Jack never thought he’d see the day an Archangel made a sex joke, but there have been a helluva lot of first times for him this week.

He puts it together quickly after that. “Ohhh,” he says, long and drawn out, patting Gabriel’s leg. “Jesus!”

“Yes, good job. Jesus. Real nice guy, except for that one tantrum he had. Wouldn’t’ve done it that way, but he never listens to me.” Does _anyone_ listen to Gabriel? What would a wisecracking good-for-nothing give in the way of advice? Though, Jack supposes he has to be good for _something_ if he’s been tasked with being the Divine Messenger.

“There’s also the Apocalypse. Big guy’s still holding out on me, but once I get the memo this place is _out_.” Gabriel jerks his thumb at the door. Ah, there it is. The other sacred duty. To think that he’s actually gleefully awaiting the end of all things. Though, Gabriel does seem to tire of things easily. Jack’s surprised he’s being indulged for this long.

He fixes the angel with a serious gaze. “I have one more question for you. Then we can watch whatever shit’s on the tv.” Gabriel sobers up, blessedly catching the mood. Jack takes a deep breath.

“Why me?” It’s something that’s been plaguing him since he met his supposed Guardian Angel. What makes _him_ so worthy of attention? He isn’t the most perfect devout man, he’s killed people, sometimes with his bare hands, there must be countless others in worse situations than him. “Why not someone else who needs more help than me? Aren’t there countless more angels that could be assigned to me right now? What makes me so special?” It’s a flood of words, but he can’t help it. Why would Gabriel sign up for keeping someone who screams in his sleep company while he descends into jobless despair?

It’s miniscule, but he can tell that Gabriel’s been affected by the question. The man’s muscles tense for a fraction of a second before that calm demeanor is once again firmly cemented. “I don’t decide what’s in the cards, I just deal them,” is the response.

Jack shrugs. An answer is an answer. For all he knows, Gabriel could have been lying to him this entire time he’s been asking questions. Though, it _is_ nice to get to know what his deal is. Maybe this won’t be so bad. The two let the drip of the faucet be the only upset in the constant drone of whatever new show has replaced the last.

A few minutes pass. “Ok, I lied. I have another question.”

“Fuck, just get it over with.”

“What did you break in my bathroom?”

Gabriel freezes. “If I let you call me Gabe, can I not tell you? It’s fixed. I promise on all the hearts I pretend to have, it’s fixed.”

Jack shrugs. “Deal.” He smirks. “ _Gabe_.”

“I’m gonna regret this, aren’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for my interest in mythology and religion. I tried to work it into fleshing out their characters, though.


	3. Fragile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gabriel screws the pooch and Jack pays for it in multiple regards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of angst in this chapter, be warned.
> 
> If you like what I write, follow me on Tumblr at https://epsilon-writes.tumblr.com! I take requests :)

“I’m having some friends over.” Jack’s trepidation is obvious in his tone, and Gabriel merely raises an eyebrow before leaning on the kitchen counter. He says nothing about how Jack’s just caught him rifling through the cabinets. Again.

“If you’re trying to prove to me that you don’t talk to your imaginary buddies while you think you’re alone, there’s no need. I never doubted that you have at least _one_ friend.” That one digs deep. Jack talks to himself, yes, but not often. When he wakes up with his eyes blown wide after another nightmare, he hugs his own body and whispers apologies to those he watched die, those he killed. His eyes always squeeze shut after a while, and he breaks down into silent sobs.

He talks to himself when the silence is so overwhelming in his tiny living space and he needs _something_ to break up the monotony so the memories don’t crowd his mind like an angry mob. Though, he supposes with Gabriel around there hasn’t been much silence lately. Only the dreams. It’s been difficult, he admits, to keep himself quiet while the other man sleeps on the couch. He’s not used to closing his bedroom door to muffle the noise of his middle-of-the-night breakdowns.

He never knows if Gabriel actually sleeps. He’s pretty sure angels don’t need to rest, seeing as they subsist off of Heaven Energy or whatever the fuck it is. He _has_ caught Gabe napping from time to time, though. Whether he’s doing it because his human form needs to take a break or he’s just faking it to spy on Jack, well, he’d probably never tell.

Jack sighs. He’s doing it again. Letting the conversation drop because he’s too lost in thought. Gabriel is staring at him expectantly, and he even looks a little, dare Jack say it, concerned. As if he’s grown used to the veteran reacting to his cruel jokes and quips. He hasn’t apologized once, though to be fair, Jack hasn’t shown him what the bad days are like. He’s had them. Nothing the angelic presence can do to fix _that._

“Just… don’t fuck it up, alright? These two are probably the only friends I’ve got, and they’re basically family to me by now. Met ‘em in the army, they’re visiting because I told them about my work situation.” He hadn’t put it that eloquently on the phone. “Ana, I got my ass fired, are you and Reinhardt around?” His friends were more than happy to visit just to keep him company. The couple had gotten together after the first two tours, and Reinhardt is still eager to act as a second father figure to Ana’s daughter.

Last he heard, telling Fareeha about the good parts of the war helps him forget the rest.

Gabriel laughs. “Oh, I’d love to meet them. I’ll be nice, charm the shit out of ‘em, they’ll never see it coming.” He just goes back to searching the cabinets for food, even though Jack’s budget has been getting more and more constricting ever since his funds started to dwindle. No luck in the job hunting field, either. It must be the scars. Maybe he should try makeup on just once, swallow his pride, fit in with how everyone wants him to be.

“Doubt it. Ana sees through everyone, even the best liars. Hope you’re comfortable with hugs, by the way. Reinhardt likes to be touchy.” Gabriel turns and spreads his arms, as if to command Jack to do something. His hoodie is a bit tight today, stretching at the seams as it hugs his form.

“Look at me, Jackie. Do I not look like the cuddliest fuckin’ thing you’ve ever seen?” He flutters his eyelashes and Jack finds it in him to snort.

“You’d fit right into a horror movie, sayin’ shit like that,” he shoots back. Gabriel looks genuinely offended. Is he really broken up about Jack saying he doesn’t look cuddly? Then again, the angel has a flair for the dramatic like nobody’s business.

Gabe merely sighs and crosses his arms. “I won’t fuck it up for you. Just tell ‘em I’m your new housemate and everything will be fine."

“You don’t pay rent.”

“I do for however long they’re here.” He winks. Fucker.

***

It’s two days’ time before Ana and Reinhardt show up, which gives Jack plenty of time to splurge and actually cobble something edible together from off-brand grocery items and Internet recipes. Gabriel doesn’t help, quite the contrary. He appears and disappears behind Jack to criticize what he’s making, complaining that all the recipes he’s been muddling through don’t have any interesting features.

The day his friends are supposed to arrive, he scares Jack out of his own skin by only speaking right when he’s in close proximity. The angel has quiet footsteps, almost as if he isn’t walking at all sometimes. Nevertheless, Jack smacks his hand right against the pot of chili he’s heating up and yanks it back, cursing loudly. He hates it. Hates that after five years he’s still like this. Everyone always tells him time heals all wounds, but he’s reminded of the hell he lives through every day. The hell that’s made better for Reinhardt and Ana because they have each other. Who does he have, besides the obstinate little shit that just threw him for a loop?

He whips around, fixing Gabriel with a murderous stare. “What’s your _problem_?! For someone who apparently knows everything about me, you sure love making my life even worse than it already is!” The angel has the grace to look apologetic, no doubt well aware of what he’s done. It’s taken this long for Jack to actually _do_ something about it, though. Must be a surprise to Gabriel that people don’t just begrudgingly put up with him all the time.

There’s a silence that makes the air feel cold, almost crystalline, and it’s as if a thick sheet of glass now separates the two men in the kitchen. It’s punctured by the airy, familiar sound of gas fueling the fire below the chili pot, occasional bubbles rising to the surface. Jack huffs and starts running some cold water on his hand, sickened by the redness of his skin. He refrains from instinctively touching his own waist in remembrance; it’s a habit he’s picked up ever since the explosion that almost cost him his life left him with more than just nightmares.

People touching his face makes him shudder, but that isn’t the worst of it. He hasn’t allowed anyone to touch the burn scar marring the left side of his torso. Hell, Angela’s his doctor and he gets squeamish about her even looking at the wound.

Jack wraps his hand in one of the many bandages he keeps lying around, some more sturdy for when his knees start to hurt when it gets cold, others just for situations like this. He’s finished patching himself up when he realizes that Gabriel still hasn’t said anything. He turns to see that the angel has just been staring at him since he raised his voice. Not even one snarky quip.

“Look, if you’re gonna be here then don’t sneak up on me, don’t touch my face or my side, and if you can’t say anything right now then you can just go use my furniture like you always do.” It’s about time he’s laid down some ground rules. Call him fragile from just being knocked into the past, but enough is enough.

Gabe just lets out a short breath, almost like he’s laughing, before walking away quietly. He sits down on the couch, arms draped over the back of it. Jack says nothing and returns to cooking. Hopefully the angel has it in him to at least conjure up some clothes that look a little more decent than a hoodie and sweatpants. Reinhardt wouldn’t mind, but Ana would immediately judge Jack’s new housemate, who’s already pretending to pay the rent.

The hour that passes between the incident and his friends’ arrival is even more awkward than just standing in the kitchen staring at Gabriel while he stares back. He’s used to that voice following after him when he goes to get dressed after he’s come back from an interview, criticizing him for wearing ‘grandpa clothes’ or something of that nature.

Instead, there’s nothing. Jack’s forgotten how heavy the silence is.

In retrospect, he could have done without snapping at Gabriel, but the message is still there. No matter how high above him the angel might be, this is Jack’s apartment, and they’re on _his_ plane of existence. He wonders if this is how all humans get treated. Good thing he’s not going to Heaven anyway. He made sure of that the day he first aimed his gun at something other than a training dummy.

Sometimes he swears he still cleans blood from underneath his fingernails.

He wanders back into the kitchen after a while to check on dinner, reassuring himself that he hasn’t burned anything while he’s been freshening up. To his surprise, as he glances over towards the living room, Gabriel _has_ changed his appearance. He’s kept the scars, but instead of his usual lazy clothes, he’s wearing a red button-up and dark black jeans. It’s the first time Jack’s actually seen him make an effort when it comes to clothing.

He cleans up nicely, even if he’s still wearing the beanie. Maybe he’s trying to make up for earlier.

Jack still isn’t apologizing. Not until Gabriel takes himself down a peg. He can only hope that this mood doesn’t persist through his friends visiting. He’s been looking forward to this for too long.

A knock on the door startles the blonde out of his reverie, and he hurries to the door. The chili isn’t quite ready, but that’s just fine. It’ll give them more time to talk and catch up on everything.

He opens the door and is immediately engulfed in a hug, chuckling softly as Reinhardt sings his praises. The crinkling of a paper bag reaches his ears, and he immediately recognizes it as the odd thing pressing against his back. Plenty of ‘My friend’s and ‘So good to see you’s go by before he’s finally let go, only to be pulled into another embrace. Ana is less physically imposing, of course, but there’s strength behind her figure that is formidable as can be, almost threatening if in the right situation.

He lets himself indulge in the friendly touch of both visitors. It’s been a long time since he’s had anything but Gabriel’s legs in his lap or Ziegler’s clinical examination of his scar-ridden skin. Speaking of the former, it’s only right to introduce him officially. He’s spoken to these two about his ‘housemate’, but he’s revealed nothing about what he really is.

“Ana, Reinhardt, meet Gabriel. He’s been on the couch until we can find a better setup.” At the mention of his name Gabriel rises to the occasion, sauntering over with a smile on his face. It’s as if the chilly aura between the two of them has been staved off for the occasion. Well, that’s nice of him.

“Gabriel Reyes, it’s nice to meet you.” The angel shakes Reinhardt’s hand, which comically dwarfs his own, before being pulled into a hug, as Jack has warned him.

A booming laugh fills the apartment as Gabriel looks like he’s getting the life squeezed out of him. “Good to meet you, my friend! Thank you for keeping Jack company in these trying times. Such an honorable man!” Jack smiles, flinching internally. Yeah, keeping him company while he tries to iron his life out. That’s one way to put it. He knows Reinhardt means well, though.

Ana is the quieter of the two, tapping her partner on the arm so he lets Gabriel go. The angel seems eternally grateful, taking a moment to hunch over and catch his breath. He shakes the sniper’s hand, and it’s evident that he notices how tightly she’s clutching him. Jack knows the gesture well. It’s a warning.

“Gabriel Reyes. I hope that this place suits you.” There’s that glint in her one working eye. She’s judging him. Jack needs to remind her that she isn’t his mother.

Gabe shoots Jack a glance from the corner of his eye, as if to plead for help, before smiling brightly. “Of course! Jackie even goes shopping for the both of us.”

Oh, he’s done it now. No matter what Ana has been thinking up to this point, she’ll remember the nickname. Either she’ll hold it over Jack’s head for the rest of his life, or she’ll use it to interrogate him later. Probably both. Gabriel’s screwed both of them now.

“Take your shoes off and sit down, dinner will be ready soon. I made extra just in case.” Jack takes their coats and hangs them up, and Reinhardt is immediately in the kitchen, taking a whiff of what his friend has been cooking just for the occasion. He seems pleased, and produces a bottle of whiskey from the paper bag in his hand.

“Reinhardt,” Jack begins, warning in his voice.

“Don’t worry, my friend! I will keep you away from it until later,” the big man reassures. Both of his friends know how Jack gets around alcohol. Ana basically had to hold a knife to his throat to convince him to only stock his fridge with beer. Gabriel has already complained about it, but nobody wants to disappoint their friend, much less someone like _her_.

He lets Ana and Reinhardt take the couch, as it’s the only thing that can comfortably fit the two of them together. The sniper still seems crushed in between a rock and a hard place, but she doesn’t mind in the slightest, Jack knows that. Reinhardt is perfect for her, he fills the vast open spaces she used to inhabit during her days as a sniper.

That leaves the two cheap rickety chairs around the coffee table for himself and Gabriel. The angel certainly doesn’t seem happy about his favorite seat being taken by strangers, and Jack will tease him later about being a territorial feline. It’s only fair.

Jack sets down water glasses in front of his guests, not even treading _near_ trying to give Ana tea. She turns her nose up at cheap store brands, and that’s all he can afford right now. Water it is. With that, he sits, crossing one leg over the other.

“So, how’s Fareeha?” Always a good icebreaker. Ana’s daughter knows Jack personally, as her mother had tried to maintain a good relationship with her while in the army. The little girl loved the tours of whatever base they were all stationed at, and her little hands reaching up towards “Uncle Jack” are one of the better memories that the vet holds onto from those days.

“She has done well for herself, as I’m sure you know,” Ana says proudly. She takes a sip, eyes still glancing over at Gabriel, who looks visibly uncomfortable every time it happens. “Have I told you about her profession? I can’t remember.”

“I don’t think so, no.” Jack is intrigued. Ana had always taught Fareeha how to fend for herself and earn every bit of glory through blood, sweat, and tears.

“Bodyguarding. She cuts quite a formidable figure.” Ana simpers over her glass, obviously pleased with her daughter’s accomplishments. Jack has to admit, he’d be terrified if any of the pictures Ana has bombarded him with over the years after their army days live up to the woman herself. Picturing either one of the Amaris in a suit with sunglasses… the veteran shudders.

“Gabe, Fareeha is Ana’s daughter. I met her when she was just a little girl. She was the cutest thing whenever she came to the bases, now she can probably kick my ass.”

“Oh, only ‘probably’? You give her far too little credit, Jack.” Reinhardt laughs loudly. In retrospect, she’s right.

Gabriel at least seems to feign interest, and does it quite well. He leans forward and rests his chin on his fist. “Sounds like you have a lot to be proud of. What company does she work for?”

“Helix Securities, though I caught that after the fifth time she said it. She speaks so quickly, it’s hard to keep up sometimes.” Ana smirks after a moment, and Jack winces. She’s about to put Gabriel through the wringer.

“So, Reyes, do you have children of your own?” Jack hopes for Gabe’s sake that he doesn’t make some joke about flocks of sheep.

He doesn’t, thankfully. “I don’t, I’ve never thought about raising a kid.”

“And where do you work?” Fuck. The million dollar question. Jack sincerely hopes that the angel has something planned, otherwise Ana’s going to start thinking he’s just bumming off of Jack, which she probably assumes already.

To his surprise, Gabe just rolls with it. “I’m a musician. I play the horn for this Jazz fusion group. We have a nice little recording studio on the other side of town, and we’re working on our debut album.” Real subtle, Gabriel. Ana nods slowly, seemingly convinced.

“That reminds me,” Reinhardt suddenly begins. He vacates the couch, causing the cushions to spring back up from his weight. He wanders over to the coat closet and fishes around in his jacket pocket for something. Jack gets worried, his instincts kicking in. Reinhardt is one of his best friends, yes, but he’s still not used to the primal fear that overcomes him when people reach into their pockets.

“Have you heard of this new musician on the rise, Jack?” It’s a CD case that he ends up retrieving, handing it to Jack so he can take a look.

“Lúcio Correia dos Santos: Synaesthesia Auditiva?”

Reinhardt nods enthusiastically, excitement written in the planes of his face. Even with the diamond-shaped scar over his eye, he still seems to retain that youthful exuberance. Jack knows how it can crumble, though. How it devolves into the fantasies of those he loves still alive and well. Ana’s presence makes it better, thankfully.

“Yes! He is a musical genius, if I do say so myself. I had to get used to the sound, it’s very new, but it is designed stimulate the brain! The artist is so enthusiastic about his music, and it shows.” Reinhardt opens the case in Jack’s hands, and on the inside is a short interview with Lúcio himself. Jack reads, murmuring to himself quietly. Every word is filled with emotions he’s long since forgotten could be so pure and copious, and he isn’t even listening to the artist’s voice.

“It… helps,” his friend adds, more quietly than usual.

Jack knows exactly what he means. Every day, Reinhardt speaks over the volume of screams, fire, and gunshots in his head. He’s been like this ever since Jack met him, after he escaped the horrors of his hometown not quite unscathed. It isn’t hard to sympathize, and Jack has learned to get past the volume of his voice.

If this music helps Reinhardt, then maybe it’ll do something for him.

“I’ll burn a copy, then you can take this one back with you,” Jack offers. Reinhardt merely shakes his head.

“This is for you, my friend. You need it, we know you too well for you to hide anything from us.” Ana smiles reassuringly from beside her partner.

Jack doesn’t want to cry in front of Gabriel. What kind of person would he be if he let himself be so vulnerable?

Luckily, Amari jumps in to save him from the embarrassment. “Come now, Jack. Try to keep it together.” Bless her for giving him the levity he needs to get through this. Jack chuckles thickly, sniffling a little. The timer he’s set for the chili sounds out, and Jack gets up, taking a moment in the kitchen to regain his self-control. Hopefully he can get his friends alone before they leave so he can thank them properly.

He can hear Reinhardt telling stories of Jack in his prime in the other room, no doubt to regale Gabriel as they wait for dinner. It brings up a question for him to mull over as he’s pouring hot chili into bowls and getting out the oyster crackers.

How much _does_ Gabriel know about him? What did “everything I need to know” mean when he said it? Did Guardian Angels get some sort of all-encompassing file, like heavenly medical records? Does Gabriel know that he’s right-handed or that he had a lazy eye when he was six years old? Does he know the exact content of his nightmares or does he just turn the other cheek when he hears the screams?

Jack isn’t sure he wants to know.

He balances four bowls on his arms, allowing Ana and Reinhardt to take their pick first before giving Gabriel the option. The angel seems surprised for some reason, as if he’s expecting Jack to be petty about their spat earlier. The veteran isn’t a monster, his mother drilled how to be a good host into his head at an early age.

He runs back to grab the crackers and drops the bag in the center of the coffee table after sprinkling a few into his bowl. “Well, hope the Internet didn’t fail me this time.” He hasn’t actually _tasted_ the stuff, something that Gabe has made sure to comment on multiple times. According to him, following the directions isn’t enough. You have to _experience_ the food, or some shit.

He can experience it when he isn’t struggling to afford it.

Ana doesn’t use any of the crackers, while Reinhardt practically makes the bowl overflow with them. Gabriel uses about the same amount Jack has, scowling at his chili. He doesn’t trust Jack’s cooking, and that’s obvious by the way he only takes a tentative bite when Ana expresses her approval. He says nothing.

Jack’s surprised by how quiet he’s been all evening. Could he actually be rethinking his attitude?

“Well done, Jack! You must give me this recipe, it’s wonderful!” Reinhardt is already halfway through his first helping, and Jack blesses his incredible foresight to make way too much. Even Ana seems eager for another portion, and he’s rarely seen her eat much. Then again, for the majority of the time they’ve known each other they were living off rations. They’re all happy to eat as much as they can again.

By the time everyone seems full, over ¾ of the chili has been eaten, and Jack is glad that he and Gabriel won’t be struggling to finish it before it goes rotten. Reinhardt does the honors of rinsing out Jack’s long unused shot glasses and filling them with whiskey before passing them out.

They say a quick toast, Ana stifling Reinhardt’s attempts to laud honor above all things. Jack provides the “to friends” that they settle on, everyone clinking their glasses together and shuddering. Whatever these two brought, it’s strong stuff. Jack doesn’t even have anything to mix it with, except the soda that he and Gabriel have been subsisting off of.

The conversation ramps up again, Ana going on about her new pet project, some sort of medicinal herb cultivation that’s supposed to help with sleep when it’s mixed into tea. Jack’s entirely confused by the time her story ends, getting up to pour them all another round of drinks.

If she can lend him something that’ll help him get back to sleep after he wakes up in the middle of the night, that’ll be just fine.

He’s tipsy by the time Ana and Reinhardt pull him aside, leaving Gabriel to hum some sort of tune to himself on the couch.

“Jack,” the sniper begins, warning lacing her tone.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t quite know where you’ve found him, but your boyfriend-”

Jack sputters and starts to laugh. He’s in the giggly phase, though something in his mind tells him that it’ll probably drop later. “ _Boyfriend_? Amari, c’mon. I could never be with a guy like that.” Their argument earlier echoes in the vet’s mind. Gabe still hasn’t apologized, but he certainly hasn’t gotten in the way at all. Maybe that’s his weird twisted way of apologizing.

Why he’s thinking of that right now, he’s not sure.

Reinhardt shakes his head. “We worry about you, my friend. Just be careful.” They have reason to distrust his housemate, but this is out of hand.

“I’m not Fareeha, Ana. I can make my own decisions. I’m not even involved with him, damn it.” Ana has that look in her eye as if she knows something Jack doesn’t, but she says nothing and puts a hand on his shoulder. She squeezes just a bit too hard.

Rein steps in, thankfully, engulfing the both of them in a hug. “We had best be off, Jack! Tell me what you think of the music!” He leads his partner to the door, stopping to shake Gabriel’s hand. From where he’s still standing, Jack sees Ana whisper something to the angel, and he sighs. No stopping that woman from being protective of her friends. Jack supposes he should be flattered.

The door closes, sealing him in with the silence that has once again descended upon the apartment. He sees the bottle of whiskey on the counter and tries not to look at it. Not to be tempted. It’s been so long…

Ana and Reinhardt look so happy together. They feed off each other’s energy, and no matter how much Jack would love it, he can never ask to stay with them. That would be too much of an imposition, even though they care for him greatly. He can keep his distance knowing how they feel, and hope that he has the strength to stay alive with his own merit.

He turns around to see that Gabriel is back in his usual clothes, staring at some late-night football game on the tv. What does he even bring to the table? Jack isn’t friendless, he’s just some broken man in his waning prime waiting to either die or get lucky and find a job. He thought Guardian Angels were supposed to take the pieces of your life and glue them back together while teaching you the real value behind what you already have.

Jack already values what he has. He can’t replace what he’s lost within himself.

It’s resentment that drives him to uncap the bottle of whiskey. He fills a glass to the brim and downs it, groaning at the way it burns his throat. Gabriel casts a glance over his shoulder, noticing the vice Jack is currently partaking in.

“You sure you should be drinking that shit?” The question seems so _uninterested_ , it adds fuel to the fire.

“What do _you_ know,” Jack growls to himself, pouring another round. A shot and two glasses can’t be that bad, can it?

***

After the fourth glass, Jack realizes that it _is_ that bad. In fact, it’s probably worse.

He’s hunched over the kitchen sink, one hand clutching at the bottle like it’s the only thing keeping him standing. Limiting himself to one bottle of beer every so often has really cut down on his tolerance since he’s been at it for a few years.

Something possesses him to bother Gabriel, and he stumbles over to the couch and flops onto it, bumping into the angel in the process. He mutters an apology before fixing his eyes on the screen as best he can.

“Some game,” he slurs, though he’s barely paid attention to it until now. The empty feeling expands, almost made worse by Ana and Reinhardt’s friendly companionship. They’re gone now, and the touches and the care that they’ve allowed Jack to experience for the brief whisper of time that they’ve spent in his apartment leaves a gaping maw of abandonment.

He had enough of that waking up with the floor molten hot under him, the mangled corpse of one of his squadron members staring back at him, the smell of burnt hair and skin reminding him that they’re all meant to die at some point.

Gabriel is staring at him. He’s doing it again. Jack swivels his head to look at the angel, suddenly aware that he’s been watched this whole time. He blinks, reminded of the reason he laid off getting drunk in the first place. It lets all the memories boil to the surface, all the names flash before his eyes like a printing press running a thousand copies of today’s scoop.

“I’m sorry for being mean to you.” The words come out before he can even stop himself, and they carry the lilt of a drunk man. Nevertheless, Gabriel seems genuinely surprised.

“ _You’re_ sorry? Didn’t know being sloshed could cause miracles.” There are those quips again. Thank God. Gabriel isn’t angry at him.

Jack shakes his head vigorously, denying. “No, no, no, no no no no. _I’m_ sorry _._ Whiskey isn’t sorry, look!” He points over his shoulder at the bottle lying innocently on the counter, sideways with whatever’s left of its contents sloshing about inside.

The angel sighs and looks at him, why is he looking at him like that? It’s not a look Jack’s ever seen before, at least not on this particular face.

“You’re a mess.” Well, that answers that. Jack nods and laughs to himself, he laughs and laughs and laughs, until he realizes that the hitching in his breath and the tightness in his chest isn’t caused by humor. His cheeks are wet and Gabriel seems to be panicking a little.

“Why was I so stupid,” he sobs, curling up into a ball. Gabe opens his mouth and closes it again, looking like a fish out of water.

Jack looks up, suddenly angry, though it’s lessened by the fact that there are tears streaming from his eyes. “You should know! Y-you know everything there is to know, but you can’t answer me, can you?!” He’s desperate, clinging to the one iota of hope that Gabriel will give him all the answers, tell him why he didn’t appear and sway him from joining the army all the way back when he was a bright-eyed 18-year-old ready to face the world. Someone up there could have stopped the scars. Someone could have done something, if what he’s been told by the angel is true.

Gabriel says nothing, merely gets up. Jack keels over, letting his head rest on the couch. He’s embarrassed, infuriated, devastated, all at once. To think he just let himself go like that in front of _Gabe_ , someone he barely knows who’s supposed to be picking him up and getting him back on track. Instead, he lays there wondering what that rushing noise in the kitchen is until Gabriel comes back and sets a glass of water on the coffee table.

“Drink that for me, alright?” The voice is so distant, but it’s there. There’s none of the robust sarcasm present, even in his drunken state he can tell. He grunts and waves the angel off with a hand, though Gabriel remains behind him. The water is cool and refreshing, and he feels it alleviate some of the heat that’s permeating his skin.

Time passes. He’s not sure whether it’s been minutes or hours of him lying here, with only the acute awareness that Gabriel is nearby. Still, he feels uncomfortable. Incredibly so. He wants to get _out_ or lay down or something that’ll stop him feeling like he’s burning up, like his throat is catching fire.

Fuck, he’s going to be sick.

He barely makes it to the bathroom before he’s hunched over the toilet, vomiting his brains out. Gabriel pads in, at least making noise this time, and sits down on the floor. Jack feels a tentative hand rub circles on his back before he’s retching again, tears working their way out of his eyes with the effort.

“Okay, okay,” Gabe is repeating, like some kind of mantra. It’s soft, so _soft_ , _too soft_ , _almost muffled._ Jack is losing his will to stay awake, even though he’s still on his knees in his bathroom. He should have more self-control, he thinks. To be swayed like this from the mere presence of liquor combined with the profound loneliness in the wake of those who care for him.

Ana would be so disappointed, he thinks as he leans back into something that isn’t the wall and passes out.

***

The sun streaming through the window of Jack’s bedroom is bothersome and painful when Jack opens his eyes, and he groans only to pull a pillow over his face. He’s on his side, the sheets tucked up over his arm until he moves. He’s hungover, he knows that. But the last thing he remembers is looking down at the rim of the whiskey bottle wondering where it all went wrong. Damn, he must have wandered over to the bedroom at some point and passed out.

He hopes he didn’t do anything embarrassing in front of Gabriel.

He turns, checking his alarm. 11:38 AM. Not the latest he’s woken up after a night of excess. He slides out of bed and hobbles into the bathroom, splashing water on his face. It’s not enough, so he opens the medicine cabinet to get himself two pain pills. He downs them with some water once he gets into the kitchen, surprised to find Gabe making what looks like a sandwich. He’s never seen the angel cook, much less do anything else to help around the house.

“Must be my birthday,” he says jokingly.

Gabriel snorts. “Yeah. Happy birthday.” He gestures to the open jars of peanut butter and jelly, as well as the bag of bread slices. “Make your own damn sandwich.”

Jack sighs and sets about it after the angel vacates the kitchen, brewing some coffee in the meantime. He sits on the couch that Gabe is thankfully not completely taking up today, setting the mug and plate down. Today isn’t going to be productive and he knows it.

“Hey,” Gabe begins, breaking the silence. Jack turns. “Sorry, uh… sorry for sneaking up on you.”

Jack blinks. He says nothing. Gabe leans in, as if expecting something in return, but the vet is too shocked by actually hearing an _apology_ out of his housemate to do anything.

He comes to his senses after a minute, laughing breathily. “Th-thanks. I’ll try not to yell at you.”

Gabriel sighs dramatically. “Good, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” For an eternal being, that sounds like a bit of a stretch. Seems like things are back to normal, though.

Jack smiles.


	4. ...Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things aren’t always what they initially seem, especially when dealing with supernatural sassmasters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some heavy sections in this chapter.
> 
> If you like what I write, follow me on Tumblr at https://epsilon-writes.tumblr.com! I take requests :)

It’s a month after Ana and Reinhardt visit that Jack finally gets a job. After being shot down, left hanging, seeing the distaste flicker across recruiters’ faces, he finally stumbles upon an odd little business that might just work out. Ironclad Auto Shop was his last hope before going under, and it turns out that there are quite a few friendly people working there. He’s told that they’ve had a few veterans come and go in the business, and that many go into trades that allow them to work with their hands. Jack’s used to it, and he finds that he has an eye for details that some of his new coworkers miss.

His boss is a stout little Swedish man who’s grumpy and ornery as all hell, but at least he doesn’t flinch when he sees Jack’s face and that’s enough for him. He appreciates that the blonde is there to work hard, and Jack has the added perk of knowing basic first aid on the off-chance that something goes wrong.

For Jack, the job is a reminder of a simpler time. It conjures up the days when he used to spend the sweltering summer afternoons with his father working on his bike or fixing up the old family truck. When the headphones slap over the veteran’s ears and he gets to work, he falls into a state of calm that he hasn’t felt in a while. Maybe office work really wasn’t meant to be. He doesn’t care. The shop is more open than a cubicle, and he can feel the friction of whatever he’s working with run over the pads of his fingers. More often than not, he’ll repeat the same motion over and over again when he’s trying to relax.

Gabriel seems to enjoy the new small luxuries Jack is able to afford now, as well. Luxuries being the occasional cut of steak for dinner and such. To his surprise, though the amount of sheer sarcasm has nowhere near diminished, Jack finds himself warming up to the angel. At first it was more of a begrudging acceptance, since the man seems to be here to stay, but over the ensuing month he starts noticing things. Oftentimes, he’ll come home cursing himself because there was a drip in the faucet he didn’t turn off properly that morning, only to return and find that Gabe has presumably shut it off himself. He labeled it as his own forgetfulness at first, but it quickly morphed into being plain grateful the first day he came home to see that the angel actually took out the trash.

Of course, Gabriel blames it on his own dissatisfaction, complains that Jack is trying to torture him with these unacceptable conditions, but Jack knows better. Even so, he finds himself wondering what Gabe is still _doing_ here. Surely he had planned to leave when Jack’s life had sorted itself out, and it seems to be on the up-and-up lately. So what’s keeping him here?

He’s asked before, only to be met with vague hand gestures and obfuscating. Maybe Gabriel knows something he doesn’t, maybe he can foresee some sort of catastrophe yet to befall poor Jack Morrison. Whatever it is, it keeps the angel bound to his house. Jack finds himself minding that less and less.

He leaves work on Wednesday less tired than usual, thinking that maybe he’ll go out tonight. He’s not one for clubs, the music vibrates in his chest and all the damn _people_ make him want to take several gulps of fresh air that isn’t sullied by excess and sweat. A walk would do him good, though. Shame he can’t hop over to his family’s farm and take Sasha out with him. He misses that overgrown puppy.

He’s engrossed in sending a message to his father, letting him know that he finally found a job and that _guess what, I’m finally putting all our hard work to good use, miss you and mom_ that he doesn’t notice the construction work on the side of the road until it’s too late. He left his ear mufflers back at the shop where they belong, so the grating squeak of machinery is the first thing that tips him off. He flinches, his eyes widening.

_Steel, falling rebar, no, no, he’s in town, no wait…_

Someone working shouts indistinctly to their partner and he can’t hear, it’s muffled, it’s _terrified, dying, they’re dying…_

The jackhammer seals the deal. Rapid, sonorous, repetitive. _Bullets. Which way is up? He can’t see, he doesn’t know, there’s smoke filling his lungs, he’s crying out for help but the only thing he notices is Williams’ face, upside down, mangled, flakes of burning skin floating almost comically to the ground. He claws at the scalding cement underneath his body, there’s something pinning him down, he can feel the skin of his side going up in flames, he’s not going to survive this, he isn’t going to go home and see his family._

_Home…_

Jack realizes he’s been standing stock still in the middle of the sidewalk for at least five minutes, though it feels like hours. Someone is speaking to him. A concerned woman who’s obviously seen the fear in his eyes. He looks at her with his hands still shaking, a stabbing pain in his side and both knees. Fire makes way for the afternoon sun, though it still swims across his vision. She’s asking if he’s alright, he can read her lips but he can barely register that she’s still talking.

He nods and runs.

By the time he bursts through the front door, the memories have subsided a bit, but they still nip at his ankles and the hurt won’t go away, it _won’t go away_. Gabriel looks up, concerned, from his place on the couch. It’s familiar, it’s routine, and Jack tries to cling to that. He’s in his apartment, Gabriel is here, he bought four apples on Sunday and ate one this morning, there’s three sitting on the fruit plate in the corner of the kitchen.

“You good?” He whips his head around to see the angel, who’s still looking at him. Gabriel has learned his lesson about calling him out when he’s like this. The “who pissed in your cornflakes” comment didn’t go over well the first time Jack let him see what he’s like during these times.

Jack sighs and holds his hand up before hurrying to his room and shutting the door. He leaves the light off and flops down on his bed, fingers quickly twisting up in the comforter. He rubs the fabric together in his hands, trying to focus on something other than his own mind. It’s not working; if anything, in the quiet the memories are coming _back._

Then he remembers that music album Reinhardt and Ana gave him. He hasn’t gotten around to listening to it, but perhaps that’s what he needs.

He rifles around on his desk before finding it, shoving the disc into his old computer hastily and wincing as one of his earbuds goes in a bit too far. He grips the wood of his desk tightly as the first track plays, and he turns up the volume to drown out his own thoughts.

He forces his breathing to steady, and he taps his fingers against the desk just to feel _something_ tactical, something concrete. Eventually he settles on rubbing his thumb over a pen, feeling the ridges and even pushing it into the pad of his finger to make it hurt.

He stares at it, analyzing the contours of the thing. It’s navy blue, and it makes a wonderful clicking noise that he can barely hear over the sounds of the music in his ears. Even so, the slight resistance against his finger as he pushes helps, as does the intricate pulse of the surprisingly enjoyable music. That’s something he didn’t hear on the battlefield.

They never got music when they were being shot at. Oftentimes, he’d hear teammates singing to themselves during the night as they held their knees up to their chests in panic.

To think he used to consider them weak.

He’s still shaking by the time the first song ends, but he lets it bleed into the next without a second thought. God, why didn’t he do this sooner? His fingers migrate all over the place, and he mistakenly gives himself a papercut when he runs his index finger against some loose-leaf sheets he has lying around. He curses and sucks at the wound, the first word he’s said since he left work. Progress. Sometimes he lays around for hours, staring blankly at the ceiling as he wonders when this affliction will stop sapping his life away like some temporal vampire.

Eventually he settles on feeling the ridges and dips of his keyboard, as it’s varied enough to keep his interest while he listens. His heartbeat has long since regulated, and he doesn’t realize the album has come to an end for a few minutes.

Jack feels _exhausted_ , but the pain of days past has dulled, at least. He stumbles back to his bed and flops down onto it, yawning and allowing himself some rest. It can’t be _that_ late. He can get up and make dinner before Gabriel starts complaining, just a few more minutes…

He opens his eyes again and it’s nearly midnight. Panic runs through his veins and he lurches out of bed, ignoring the rumbling in his stomach. It’s been a long time since he’s _cared_ so much about eating after one of his panic attacks, but he blames it on Gabriel chewing him out as soon as he opens his door.

He appears in the living to find the angel lying calmly on the couch with the tv on. It’s obvious that he’s taking a cat nap, as whatever channel he was watching earlier has long since devolved into infomercials. Unless Gabriel gets some odd pleasure out of watching actors fail at menial tasks.

A quick check to the channel reveals that yes, yes he does. Jack chuckles to himself and turns the damn thing off before sneaking into the kitchen. Though angels probably don’t need sleep, Jack would feel terrible if he woke the guy when he looks so peaceful.

He settles on just boiling some noodles and calling it quits, not really in the mood for something overly extravagant. He leans against the counter, his gaze fixed on the back of the couch as he eats. He thought he’d get a pillow to the face and a grumpy lecture about how bad he is at taking care of himself and others, but apparently not.

Maybe Gabriel _can_ learn after all.

He’s yet to hear a sincere apology from the angel about anything he’s done save sneaking up on him before Ana and Reinhardt’s visit, but perhaps that’s just his style. He betters himself and leaves words unspoken. Jack can appreciate that.

He leaves the dishes in the sink to wash in the morning, figuring that it isn’t worth making more noise and potentially causing a scene. Fifteen minutes later, Jack is in bed again. Perhaps he’ll actually get a good night’s sleep since he’s filled his goddamn quota for bad reminders today.

As it turns out, he doesn’t have any nightmares, though his slumber is plagued by an overwhelming feeling of dread. He rubs his eyes as he sits up to the morning sun nearly burning his eyes, bright and early as usual. Though he knows it’s from his days in the military, he blames it on where he grew up for the sake of better memories. He can’t shake those farm boy tendencies, he tells himself.

Gabriel is still asleep when Jack leaves for work again, his beanie pulled over his face. Jack doesn’t notice that there aren’t any dishes in the sink.

***

“Let’s do something.” It comes as a shock to Jack, as he’s merely eating chips on the couch after work on Friday. He’s not in the mood to cook anything fancy, so he figures they can just have leftovers if they actually get hungry.

“…Why?”

“Because I’m _bored_ , genius. Laying around in your house isn’t the most monumental experience, if you didn’t know.”

Jack scoffs. “It ain’t my job to entertain you. Go do something yourself.”

Gabriel leans over the back of the couch. “You’re the one that needs me, dumbass. I’m here for _you_. You could at least show me what the rest of the city is like in return.”

That catches Jack’s attention. He thought Gabe could just leave whenever the mood struck him… is the reason that he’s never out when the vet comes back from work because he’s stuck here? Is there something about the Guardian Angel contract that keeps the entity bound to whatever abode their ‘client’ resides in?

He has too many questions lately. “Fine,” he growls. “What do you want to do?”

Gabriel shrugs, sitting down and putting his feet up on the coffee table. “Up to you, I don’t give a damn.”

Jack rolls his eyes. So Gabe just wants him to get out of the house and do something, but doesn’t put in the effort to think of where to go or what to do.

“Well, there’s a museum that’s about a 45 minute walk away, but it’s closed right now.” He remembers that place from his childhood, and it might do him good to revisit it and get some exercise in along the way.

Gabriel makes a disgusted sound. “You want me to _walk_ for 45 minutes… what kind of sadist are you?”

Jack chuckles. “Oh, if only you knew.”

“Gross. We’re going tomorrow after lunch.”

The veteran nods, popping another chip in his mouth before a hand digs into the bag he’s holding. He looks at Gabriel accusingly, but the angel just pointedly eats the snack, loud crunching noises letting Jack know there’s nothing he can do.

***

Gabriel starts complaining not ten minutes into the walk. Jack rolls his eyes and keeps on trudging across the sidewalk, trying to block out Gabe’s voice with his own thoughts. They eventually go down a bad road, so he turns on the angel.

“Look, you wanted to go to the museum, so either you’re gonna shut the hell up about moving your legs for once or I’m tying you to a tree and leaving you to rot.” The silence that greets him is enough of an answer, and Jack grunts his approval before continuing to walk.

It’s about a minute before Gabe starts speaking again.

“You know, I could just get right out of whatever you pull out of your ass to use to tie me up,” he says cheekily. Jack groans. “I’m just sayin’. I think you have a severe lack of understanding for how Archangels function.”

“Do I, now? You’d think I understand enough, since you can’t drag your ass out of my apartment to save your life.”

Silence. Jack smirks. “Your couch is comfy,” the angel grumbles.

“Won’t be for long if you keep wearing it out.”

“Then buy me a bed.”

“No.”

“Then let me share with you.”

“You gotta be kidding me.” Jack doesn’t enjoy the prospect of sharing a bed with Gabriel. It’s nothing he hasn’t done before, as he had to grow accustomed to sharing basically everything with his squad mates. But he has his own bed now and like hell is he giving that up. He’s woken up to half of Gabe’s body on the floor and the other half on the couch enough times to know that he’d be a horrible bed partner. Besides, if Ana ever found out it would probably justify her suspicion that he and Gabe were somehow more than roommates.

Like that would ever happen.

Jack banters with Gabriel the entire way to the museum, and he finds that the angel actually makes a decent conversation partner. When he isn’t ragging on Jack’s ability to exist correctly, he’s making up weird backstories for passersby.

“That lady’s secretly a government agent. She’s been assigned to make sure nobody found out about the alien craft that crashed here two nights ago.” The woman in question is minding her own damn business while she window shops.

“That little baby over there? Secret evil genius. Probably runs a multi-million dollar corrupt science lab bent on destroying you all.”

Jack raises an eyebrow. “It’s a baby, it’s harmless.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do, given that it’s a _fucking baby_.”

“Nah.” Gabriel looks around for another target on which to impose his stories, eventually settling on an ice cream van driver. “That one’s secretly putting a microscopic tracker in every tenth ice cream cone he deals out. He’s part of an unethical survey organization that produces those statistics about the average American diet. How do you think they get all that data?”

Jack shrugs. “They probably ask people. They come to your door and shit.”

“Wrong. That’s just a front. They want to get a good look at your living space so they can judge you based on your antiques.” The angel laughs to himself, and it’s that same laugh that Jack found unbearable when he first appeared. Strangely enough, it’s become just the least bit charming.

Jack rounds on his housemate after about the sixth story he’s tried to shoot down only to be met with some elaborate justification. “Why do all your backstories involve secret lives for these people?” He points to a family of three wandering down the road a few paces ahead of them. “They could just be coming back from some guy’s funeral only to find out that he left them his life’s fortune! That’s not a secret, but it’s still interesting!”

One of the family members turns towards him, and Jack suddenly realizes he’s been speaking too loud in his agitation. He blushes and turns his head away sheepishly.

Gabriel lets out an obnoxious guffaw. “Don’t be so morbid, Jack.”

“You gave a baby plans to destroy the entire world. In secret. It probably doesn’t even know how to laugh yet.”

“So?”

“ _So_ , you’re being ridiculous! Not everyone has to have some life-changing secret.”

The angel winks at him insufferably. “But secrets are _so_ much fun.” Jack tries to ignore the meaning obviously hidden behind that sentence, continuing on in silence. Gabe’s little stories decrease in quantity the further they go, probably because the ‘secret’ formula is running a bit dry. Jack isn’t complaining.

They reach the museum within the hour, and Jack blesses his ability to pay for the damn tickets. Gabe certainly hasn’t gotten off the couch long enough to start working for himself, and the vet isn’t sure that he can claim tax benefits unless he and Gabriel were to get married or something. That would be a funny story to tell. Marrying an angel for the money.

He forks over the cash at the register for two passes and they’re off, though Jack is completely at a loss for what to do. He’s not sure what Gabe will get out of this whole endeavor, especially since he probably knows which scientific theories are completely bullshit and which have some foundation to them. Nevertheless, he turns his head to find Gabriel gone, and he experiences a brief moment of panic before he spots the ever-present beanie floating through the crowd. Thank fuck they’re both tall.

He weaves through the other museum-goers to grab Gabriel’s shoulder, taking a moment to catch his breath. “Don’t wander off like that, damn, it’s like losing a child in a grocery store.”

Gabe snickers. “But which one of us is the child? You look like you’ve been running around looking for your mommy, the way I see it.”

Jack refrains from flipping him the bird, if only for the fact that a small impressionable little boy is looking at them curiously. He has a look of wonder on his face, as if he’s about to ask his parents why there are funny lines across that blonde man’s face. Jack looks away self-consciously.

“Fine,” Gabriel says to break the lull in conversation, “I’ll stay with you if that’ll make you happy. Let’s go look at bubbles.”

Bubbles? Jack has no chance to ask, as his wrist is suddenly in a vice grip and he’s being tugged along by Gabriel, who seems to have his mind set on looking at whatever the museum has to offer. ‘Bubbles’ turns out to be a vast array of bubble-making equipment, from large sheets to rings dipped in soap. They both get a few funny looks, mostly from mothers wondering what two grown men are doing in a bubble exhibit. Gabriel doesn’t seem to notice. Either that, or he doesn’t give a shit.

He lets go of Jack’s wrist only when they’re stationed at one of the more vacant tables, and Jack briefly considers whether Gabriel’s done this on purpose. The chatter is universally prevalent in the semi-cramped area, and it’s been wearing on Jack’s psyche ever since they stepped in. But this is farther away from the children clamoring around the giant bubble sheet or the disgruntled father that just got doused in soap by his son. Even if it was an accident, Jack is thankful.

Still, he doesn’t know what to _do_ now that they’re here. He hasn’t been to a museum since he got back from his tours, much less somewhere designed for… fun. When was the last time he had genuine fun?

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice that Gabriel has been carefully encasing him in a large bubble ring for the past minute. He’s only tipped off when he sees the table in front of him distort with a flash of rainbow film. He stands stock still, only looking at the angel out of the corner of his eye. Gabe seems to be concentrating inordinately hard, biting his lip as he tries to get the ring all the way down to the floor.

It pops when the bubble wanders a bit too close to Jack’s hair, pressing against the little spike at the back he can never seem to get rid of. Gabriel curses and looks at the vet accusingly.

“Now look what you did. Your stupid hair got in the way.” He flicks the spike and Jack shies away, scowling. He knows his hair refuses to behave, but Gabe has no grounds for complaint.

“You’re one to talk. Not all of us can wear beanies and look good.” He pointedly steps out of the ring and Gabriel tosses it back onto the soap table.

“Oh, I know. Not everyone can pull this off.” He gestures to his head smugly, and Jack realizes that he’s just given the angel a backhanded compliment. As if the man’s ego can grow in size at all. He tries a rebuttal, though he’s never been good at those. “I’d try to do the same thing to you but I don’t think even the largest ring could fit over your ass.”

“Oh, so you’ve been looking?”

Jack sputters. He hasn’t been _looking_ , it’s just that something that big can’t go unnoticed for too long. Again, he wonders if Gabriel gave himself this form on purpose. “I have _not_ ,” he growls.

The angel smirks. “In all fairness, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to fit the ring over your chest. I mean, damn.” He stops in his tracks and Jack does the same, self-consciously crossing his arms over his pecs. Well, at least they’ve _both_ accidentally pointed out each other’s assets.

“…Alright then.”

“Cool.”

Jack clears his throat awkwardly and picks up a medium-sized ring while Gabriel just dips his hands in the soap. He walks backwards, amused by the large bubbles he’s making. It does pop after a while, and he makes a wounded sound before finding a smaller size and holding it up to his face. He starts blowing air into the ring, though it doesn’t work like a traditional bubble wand. Instead, he only manages to produce a piddly little thing that flaps around with the air he exhales. It’s pathetic, but he’s having fun with it, at least.

Fun. Maybe Gabriel was onto something after all.

He gets a nudge to the shoulder after a little while, and he finds Gabe behind him pointedly not touching anything. “Let’s find some paper towels and go look at lizards.”

It seems as if the angel has their whole agenda planned out, and Jack is somewhat grateful for that. It means he doesn’t have to do much in the way of entertaining the both of them. He scouts out a bathroom down the hall and pushes Gabriel towards it, waiting for him to clean the soap off his hands before the angel leads him by the wrist again.

He would tell the other man to knock it off, but some selfish part of him doesn’t. The hand is warm, and it reminds him of Reinhardt’s hugs and Ana’s reaffirming touches that hurt just a little too much when they’re gone. He misses them.

The natural science exhibit is vastly different than the bubble station, right down to the lighting and interior design. This is more open and maze-like, what with different glass panes showing off the various reptiles the museum boasts.

“Jackie, check out these fuckers.” Gabriel lets him go in front of a glass case containing two snakes. They have a standard pattern across their scales, and a quick glance at the panel tells Jack that they’re some sort of Eastern Fox Snake.

He notices a few visitors shying away from the glass, as if the snakes have the ability to phase through it and attack. Jack doesn’t mind them. They visited the farm often enough, and he was usually the one to dispose of them once he hit his teens.

“They’re pretty,” he comments, leaning down to watch the little flicker of one of the snakes’ tongues. He chuckles to himself.

“Damn right. Too bad they get a bad rep where I’m from.” Jack scoffs. Does Gabriel really expect him to believe that whole story?

“So, you’re saying that whole snake thing actually happened?”

“Oh sure, Luci was always an imaginative bastard. None of us thought he’d come up with that, though. I mean, a _snake_ of all things? I gotta give him credit, even if Michael turns his nose up at him. Guy has one hell of a brain.” Gabriel leans right next to Jack and stares at the snakes, as if one of them really is the devil in disguise.

A commotion erupts a few corridors over, and Jack stands on his tiptoes to find the source. It seems that they’ve stumbled upon the live snake demonstration. They have a beautiful boa constrictor, by the looks of it, and it’s currently sitting heavily on some kid’s poor shoulders.

“Gabe, check it out. Wanna go hold a snake?” The angel looks up, finally out of his little reverie. He nods enthusiastically and takes Jack’s wrist again, as if he was the one who suggested it.

The snake handler lets the brave children hold the snake first, to the delight and terror of those present. There are a few small screams from frightened parents, though most are fascinated by the slow, almost rope-like way the boa’s body slumps across the holder’s arms.

The children scurry back to the comfort of their parents eventually, giggling profusely and plotting to hold the story over their friends’ heads. Jack and Gabriel seem to be the only ones still interested in holding the boa, so the handler beckons them forward.

Jack hesitates. He thought they’d just take turns, not hold the thing together… he can’t protest though, as the snake is soon upon his shoulders as well as Gabriel’s. They’re pressed together, arm to arm, as the reptile flickers its tongue at Gabe and coils around Jack’s forearm.

The veteran shifts a bit, bowing his head a little at the weight of the snake upon his neck. The thing’s tail is a bit ticklish, and he tenses in an attempt not to laugh and upset it.

“Her name’s Cornflakes,” the handler informs them both.

Gabriel chuckles deviously. “No wonder she likes you, Jack.”

“Will you stop with the corn thing?”

“Not until your hair stops being so damn blonde.” Jack huffs. It’s not like his hair is going to be this bright for long. He can already see the roots acquiring some gray when he looks in the mirror. Just a tiny bit, but he mourns the impeding loss of youthful pigment. It’s probably the stress.

The handler takes a few pictures with Jack’s phone that Gabriel sneakily fishes out of his pocket, and the veteran tries his best to pose while the blood flowing to his arm is slowly being cut off by a large sedentary snake. Cornflakes is eventually lifted off of him and Gabriel, and Jack lets out a sigh of relief. His neck was starting to hurt from all that pressure.

“Where to next, since you have this whole trip planned out?” Gabriel thanks the handler before turning back to Jack, pointing wordlessly to the adjoining aquarium. He has the enthusiasm of a child as he leads Jack towards it, and the vet is fascinated by the way an angel can take pleasure in such a simple thing. Perhaps they don’t have the pleasure of seeing earthly life up close most of the time.

The aquarium is darker than the reptile exhibit, blue tones illuminating the curved walls and almost ominous shadows cast upon them as sea creatures flit in and out of view. The central tank is huge, and Jack can spot an eel poking its curious head out at passing fish from one of the rock faces. He wanders over to the glass, peering in.

A large fish swims right up to him and opens its mouth before swimming away, and he watches it go with a faint smile painted on his face. There’s something otherworldly about the sea that he finds fascinating, though he presumes it’s because he grew up nowhere near it. The only oceans he experienced were overseas, and he tries not to think about his time on the other side of the world.

He looks over to tell Gabriel about the shark lurking in the depths of the tank when he catches a glimpse of the other man’s face. It’s not intrigued, not by a long shot. The angel looks more… at peace. He even closes his eyes for a moment and breathes deeply before those deep brown irises track the path of one of the creatures with precision accuracy.

The hue of the light cast across the area reflects onto Gabriel’s face, and Jack notices just how angular his jaw is, the almost haunting structure of his cheekbones, the small scars set into that otherwise smooth skin. Gabe looks upon the tank as if he’s some sort of king overlooking his subjects, though it seems as if the angel is more tranquil than a monarch. In a way, Jack supposes it makes sense. Gabriel has probably watched the sea evolve from a fiery explosive mess into the mysterious murky depths science has tried to delve into.

It strikes Jack then just how _old_ this man is. How much he’s seen, how much he must have _caused_ in his lifetime. How far beyond this human form he must reside. Yet Jack never has a hard time talking to him. He gets infuriated, never intimidated. Gabriel never throws his weight around, except in some of his passing jokes. Perhaps he possesses more humility than Jack thinks.

He keeps staring, though he doesn’t know why he’s so transfixed. Perhaps it’s because the beanie Gabe always sports has been jostled a bit from holding Cornflakes, and he can just make out the tiniest peak of curly brown hair…

Jack turns away. It’s mere fascination. Curiosity about angels. It’s nothing. He wanders over to another tank and takes a deep breath. This one has a funny-looking squid in it, and he smiles to himself and cocks his head to one side as he follows its motions. A small child tugs at her mother’s hand, and he can barely make out “buy me a fishie” above the general din of the aquarium.

He sighs. He’s always had a soft spot for children. They seem to gravitate towards him, from Fareeha to his downstairs neighbor’s baby that reaches its grubby little hands towards him whenever they happen to check their mail at the same time.

Perhaps it’s because he’s seen too many of the young ones die that he cares so much. That youthful innocence is too often stripped in the places that he’s been to.

Gabriel joins him eventually, muttering something about him running away. Jack doesn’t pay attention. He just looks on.

He’s interrupted by a pat on the shoulder by his housemate, and he turns, mildly interested. “We’ve been here for three hours. Wanna get going?”

Well, shit. Jack muses on the fact that time really does fly when you’re having fun, almost forgetting to answer. He’s too cooped up in the fact that he’s been engaged enough in this trip to pass the time.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll start dinner when we get home.”

***

Walking isn’t an easy task when that’s all you’ve been doing all day, and Jack excuses himself to his room as soon as he and Gabriel get home. He slips on the braces he’s kept for both of his knees and sits down for a while. In a twist of events, the angel actually _joins_ him for once, sitting on the edge of his bed and just relaxing in silence.

Jack is glad for the company, as it prevents him from focusing on the memories of _how_ his knees got so fucked up in the first place. As he side-eyes Gabriel, he can’t think of a time where the man has actually been in his room, save for the day they met. Unless he’s been lurking around and digging through Jack’s things while he’s been out, this is the first time since then.

He doesn’t mind it as much as he thought he would. It’s nice having someone in here, as he’s so often alone.

He’s still pressed for funds, as he’s barely started working at his new job, so he fixes some simple mac & cheese and calls it a day. He and Gabriel sit on the couch and watch football, and Jack finds himself lamenting the fact that the beanie is now securely back in place. He doubts Gabriel would let him see what’s really underneath, but the tease of curls has him curious. Why does Gabe refuse to take the beanie off, even in polite company like Ana and Reinhardt? Is he hiding some sort of halo? Why would a halo be obscured by earthly headwear?

Unable to stand it any longer, Jack takes another bite of dinner and points to the cap while he swallows. “So, what’s under there that you’re always hiding?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Y’know… why do you keep that thing on all the time?”

Gabriel shrugs and adjusts the beanie. In the brief moments that it’s being jostled, Jack catches a glimpse of those locks underneath and raises an eyebrow. They’d look great framing Gabe’s face, what’s with his hesitance?

He grows even more curious. “If you don’t like the way your hair looks, can’t you just change it like you change clothes?”

Gabriel shakes his head. “It’s not that…” he mumbles something indistinct and shrinks into his form. Is he… embarrassed?

Jack can’t help but pry. “Oh c’mon, don’t hold out on me like that. What’s the reason?”

Gabe lets out an exasperated groan. “ _Fine_. I like it, I just can’t make it lay right. I can make any physical form I want, but you can’t beat physics itself.”

Jack laughs. In all his expansive knowledge, Gabriel doesn’t think his hair would look right. He’s probably the stuffy type that turns his nose up at hairspray and other products too. “Well, what’s the point of having whatever hair you want under there if nobody sees it?”

“ _I_ know I have it, and that’s enough. Drop it, will ya?”

The vet shakes his head. He’s finally found something to needle the angel with. “No way. Not until you show me your hair.”

Gabriel secures a tight hold on his hat before Jack can poke his fingers under the bottom. “Not a chance, Jack. Fuck off.”

“One day I’m gonna see it, Gabe. One day.” Jack chuckles deviously and goes back to shoveling food in his mouth. Gabe doesn’t eat nearly as quickly as he does, but the blonde has already accepted that it’s because angels don’t really need food. Gabe just happens to be one who enjoys the simpler of earthly pleasures.

Jack turns his attention back to the game, a question suddenly popping into his head as if he hasn’t already bothered Gabriel enough. “So, why do you root for teams? Why do you care about who wins or loses?”

The angel takes a bite of his food, pointing his fork at the television. “Because,” he manages while his mouth is full, “it’s fun. Who wants to watch a bunch of sweaty dudes ram into each other if you’re not gonna get angry about it?”

Though Jack can think of another situation in which sweaty dudes ram into each other, he has a point. Gabriel shows an incredible indifference for most things, but even Archangels want to have fun, it seems.

The two watch the game in silence for the most part, broken up by Gabe’s enthusiasm or groans of dismay whenever the team he’s randomly chosen to root for makes a certain play. Though he might just be doing it for the hell of it, the angel’s face is so _dynamic_ when it isn’t set in what Jack interprets as boredom.

It’s almost like the aquarium in the way that Jack notices things he just hasn’t before. How long had he gone without realizing that Gabriel has so many different smiles?

He’s staring again. Damn, he must be picking up habits from the angel. Nearing the end of the game, Jack finds himself nearly sinking into the couch with exhaustion, and he sets his bowl on the coffee table, bringing his knees up to his chest.

He isn’t sure when he falls asleep, but when he next opens his eyes, the screen is blank and Gabriel is dozing next to him. The angel’s face is open, almost vulnerable, as it rests on the arm of the couch. Jack briefly entertains how nice it was for Gabe to allow him to stay here and sleep instead of kicking him off his ‘property’, his eyes drooping closed soon after.

He’s awoken once more by the unmistakable sound of glass shattering. Jack twitches violently, every nerve in his body on edge. It’s a window, that’s obvious by the initial crash followed by the tinkling of pieces landing on the floor. It isn’t anywhere in the living room, and he notices Gabriel stir next to him, thankfully already awakened.

He presses a hand on the angel’s chest, urging him back down when he feels Gabe try to rise up. The heartbeat he feels under those ribs becomes rapid and frantic, and for a moment he’s distracted by two things. Angels having heartbeats, as well as Gabriel presumably being frightened by something that couldn’t possibly hurt him.

“Stay down,” he warns, old instincts kicking in. He can’t have one day without _something_ , can he?

The location of the intruder is incredibly obvious, as he can hear rustling noises coming from the bedroom. Whoever this is doesn’t have near-silent footsteps like Gabriel does. Jack is light on his feet as he skirts the walls and arrives in his bedroom. A broad back faces him, and the figure it belongs to is currently pulling back the sheets on his bed. What an odd thing, trying to steal someone’s linens.

Well, joke’s on them. They must think they’ve hit the jackpot, what with nobody being in his bed.

Jack slams a hand down on the intruder’s shoulder, taking an odd pleasure in the instant clench of muscle that he feels. “And what the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?” There’s a slow turn of a scruffy-looking head, a flurry of motion, and Jack is on his back on the floor, a gun pointed in his face. It isn’t his, but he wouldn’t think a common robber would have one of _these_. This looks like an antique, a six-shooter. What kid could get his hands on this?!

He struggles, barely avoiding a bullet that lodges itself in the floor next to his right ear. His combat training is obviously superior to his assailant, and he quickly gets wrests the gun from the kid’s hand and flips their positions. There’s a series of grunts and strained threats that tips him off that this is at least someone who’s hit puberty, though his eyes have only marginally adjusted to the dark. He can only see the mop of ratty hair and a vague facial structure.

“Give me a reason I shouldn’t shoot you with your own damn gun,” he growls. The intruder vigorously shakes his head, making muffled protests from under the hand Jack clamps onto his mouth. Unfair, perhaps, but he’s not in the mood to be merciful.

“Jack, it’s just a fucking kid, let him go!”

Jack looks up in surprise to see Gabriel in the doorway, unintentionally loosening his grip. The kid takes the opportunity to throw him off, and Jack tumbles for a bit before he notices the revolver securely in the robber’s grip once again. He grabs his gun from under his pillow before another hand grabs him, this time belonging to Gabriel.

The angel pushes him back, stepping in front of him and holding his arms up. Jack can see the kid’s grip on the revolver shaking. He’s nervous, afraid, perhaps unwilling to truly hurt someone. He’s desperate.

“Look, kid… we both know you aren’t gonna shoot that thing. Just put it down-”

“Don’t underestimate me, I’ll fuckin’ shoot you both!” Jack growls and tries to raise his gun again, only to have that hand clamp down on his wrist once more. The kid speaks with an odd accent that the vet associates with more Southern regions, but he supposes that people like this can come from anywhere.

“Yeah, shoot us both, come on. I dare you.” Gabriel speaks with such confidence, Jack wonders if he can see the outcome of this little game.

“I will! I’ll shoot!” The man’s voice cracks, and as the low light becomes more bearable, Jack notices that he has wet streaks down his face.

“C’mon, shoot me! Fucking shoot me!” Gabe is yelling now, and it’s almost _imposing_. He’s been holding out on how much he’s shown Jack, apparently.

“Fuck you!” The kid bolts, shouldering past Gabe and Jack. The latter can hear thumping and rattling as the footsteps breeze past the kitchen, followed by the slamming of a door. He drops the gun on the bed, looking at his shattered window with disdain.

“Well, fuck,” he mutters, knowing that’ll be a pricy repair. Gabriel says nothing to him, and Jack blinks only to be surrounded by black smoke when his eyes reopen. It billows out the window and when he whips his head around, Gabriel is gone.

The vet immediately rushes to the window, wincing as he tries to avoid the broken glass. He pokes his head into the night air, only to see Gabe standing in the grass outside like nothing is wrong. Jack realizes that it’s the first time he’s seen the angel’s abilities at play, save for the dramatic manipulation of bullets. The front door of his apartment complex opens and the frightened kid sprints out, only to skid to a halt as soon as he catches sight of Gabe.

Jack watches, stunned, as the angel gets a hold of the kid’s shoulder, and he can barely hear that his housemate is speaking. It’s a low voice, one that he rarely hears in passing. The kid is much louder, denying statements that Gabriel is apparently making, answering petulantly. He catches more of that accent, and he wonders where someone like this came from. Why he’s using robbery as a last-ditch attempt to make something of himself.

Eventually, even the robber’s dialogue quiets down enough that Jack is unable to catch what is being said, and he goes about sweeping up the wreckage of his window and taping a towel over the hole so he can address the situation come morning. Before patching everything up, he takes one last glance outside, noticing that the kid’s walking away, much calmer than he seemed inside. Gabriel looks up at him, and Jack retracts his head.

With the towel securely in place, the vet waits with the front door open, immediately launching into questions as Gabe strolls back inside.

“What did you do?! Who was that kid, how did you get out there so fast, you never told me you could turn into smoke-” the angel shushes him with a finger on his lips, and Jack flinches a bit.

“You were about to kill a fuckin’ kid, Jack.”

“He broke into my apartment and pointed a gun at my face. He almost _shot_ me, genius.”

“Leave such logic on the battlefield and you shall be forgiven. It has no place in civilized society.” Jack stops for a moment. Gabriel fixes him with a hard stare, almost like he’s using divine judgement to speak. Those eyes are practically shining in the dark, and he’s pretty sure he’s never heard Gabe spout such eloquent jargon.

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “Fine. I’ll be less trigger happy if it makes you feel any better.”

“Cool, I invited the guy over for lunch tomorrow.”

“You _what_?!”

***

True to Gabriel’s word, Jack hears a knock on the door at exactly 12:00 noon. He opens the door and, for the first time, catches sight of what this kid actually looks like. His hair is no less tangled than last night, and he has a stupid little soul patch that could look great as a beard if he actually put in the time and effort. He’s also younger than Jack originally thought.

The glare he’s fixed with when he opens the door almost makes him close it again, but Gabriel’s voice echoes in his head. The angel had talked him down from the ledge last night after he had freaked out, telling him that his assailant is just harmless and confused.

“Come in, kid. Sit on the couch, I’m making sandwiches.” The kid immediately bolts to the couch and sits down, not speaking at all. Jack finishes up the dry peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that he cobbled together before setting one on a plate with some chips and handing it to him.

To his surprise, it’s almost immediately gone, scarfed down by someone who has obviously been starving up to this point. Jack feels an unbidden spark of sympathy. Gabriel finally emerges from the shower, his hair still wet, and grabs his own meal, sitting with Jack on the couch as if it’s perfectly natural to invite a former robber over for lunch.

“So, kid… you got a name?” Jack figures it’s only right to be formerly introduced.

“Not yer business,” the kid snarls over his sandwich. “Just gonna arrest me, ain’t ya?”

“Hey,” Gabriel says sternly. “Jack’s not going to do anything. Don’t be an asshole and introduce yourself.”

It’s almost like Gabe has taken on the persona of a father or a teacher, but it seems to work on this kid. After a moment, he rolls his eyes and says, “Jesse.”

“Nice to meet you properly. My name’s Jack.”

“I ain’t deaf, I know that.” Gabriel clears his throat loudly. Jesse actually shrinks a little, eating more of his food instead of giving them more sass.

Jack breathes deeply and glances over at his housemate, who seems oblivious. He decides he needs to address the elephant in the room after a few minutes of torturous silence. “So, Jesse… why did you break into my apartment?”

Gabriel slaps his shoulder. “Jack, don’t be rude!”

“He shattered my window, Gabe!”

The angel puts his head in his hands, as if Jack is the embarrassing one here. “Jesse… tell him what happened.”

The kid glares at Gabriel, biting his lip. He seems tentative, even _scared_. It’s the same expression that he showed last night. “My dad… he don’t treat me right. Stole his gun n’ tried to make a run for it after he came home drunk last night. Figured if he tried to kill me he could get a damn fight out of it.” A hand scratches through that messy hair and Jack desperately wants to just comb it. “Didn’t think anybody was home, so I tried usin’ this place to sleep… didn’t go well.” The kid lets out a morbid laugh.

Well, that explains why Jesse was just trying to get into bed instead of rummaging through his possessions. Jack still has a lot of questions, but his sympathy grows for this wayward child. Did Gabriel see what was really happening immediately? Was that why he pursued Jesse when he ran out?

“Why’d you point your gun at me and almost kill me?”

“…Got scared.”

Jack scoffs. “Seriously?”

“Oh come on, you really think you wouldn’t lose your shit if a war vet growled at you like an animal? Be reasonable, Jack.” Gabriel takes a loud bite of a potato chip. Jack likes to think he’s less of an animal and more of someone who doesn’t immediately let his guard down at the sight of a weapon like his housemate, but perhaps he has a point.

He wonders what Gabe said to Jesse outside last night. By the end of it, the kid seemed convinced to just go home and put everything behind him, only to show up today hungry and full of arrogant energy.

“So, what d’you think you’re going to do now? I already have _one_ freeloader,” he jerks his finger at Gabriel, “and I can’t offer you money. What’s the point in agreeing to come back here?”

“Went back home, Dad doesn’t suspect a thing. Too drunk, I reckon. _He_ told me I could come here sometimes, if I needed to get away.” Jesse points to Gabriel, and Jack looks at him accusingly. The angel just shrugs.

“I told him that it could only be during the day, and that he can only stay when it’s really bad. C’mon, Jackie… Kindness doesn’t hurt.” Jack never experienced not being wanted by his parents. They loved both their children equally, and he can’t fathom how someone who is probably motherless could have such a deadbeat as a father.

He groans and hangs his head low. “Fine, but you wash whatever dishes you use to eat and you don’t loot my house while I’m gone.”

Jesse smirks at him and leans back, already finished with his food. “Aye, Cap’n. Don’t wanna upset ya in front of important eyes.” He looks at Gabriel pointedly. Jack supposes it’s hard to conceal one’s angelic identity when turning into smoke to pursue a common robber.

The kid leaves after a while, claiming that he has ‘stuff’ to do. Most likely hang out anywhere but his home. Jack takes the opportunity to round on Gabriel.

“What were you _thinking_ just chasing after someone who could’ve attacked you?”

“Nothing anyone does on Earth could hurt me, you know that. Besides, he’s gone through enough foster parents already. That kid’s seen some shit, I could tell the moment I saw him. You should talk to him,” the angel urges, patting Jack on the shoulder.

The vet sighs loudly and gets up, taking his and Gabriel’s plates to the sink to wash them. True to his word, Jesse cleaned his own before he left, so maybe he isn’t the good-for-nothing Gabriel was nice enough not to smite at first glance. Still, he’s left with the trepidation at letting Jesse into his apartment on a regular basis.

Damn… he’s too old for this.

***

He never does find out what Gabe said to the kid, but he does warm up to the extra company. Jesse stops by in the afternoons, usually, and Jack learns that it’s because he’s still in high school. He’s 17 and already trying to get out of the house, away from some no-good foster father that wanted the good reputation that came with adoption rather than anything else to do with a child.

In return for Jesse opening up to him, Jack teaches him how to clean and disassemble his gun. The kid shows a profound interest in weaponry, and his fingers are surprisingly skilled when he’s working on shining the metal. Briefly, Jack wonders what sparked the fascination. He doesn’t ask, fearful of hitting a nerve.

His curiosity is replaced by the urge to protect this kid from whatever interests he’s bringing out into the world. Jack’s seen too many people fall victim to the ungodly power contained in a single bullet, and he’s seen even more fall victim to the devastation left by that power, even the wielders themselves.

He sees it as a second chance, as it were. He can steer this kid away from any bad decisions he made in the past with the stories he tells while they shine the dark metal of his handgun.

Gabriel, for his part, sits on the couch and watches the two of them, making the occasional lewd comment about how Jack should be careful about ‘blowing his load’. Jesse always laughs. Jack has explained the concepts of the safety and unloading the damn thing too many times for it to matter anymore.

Once, Jesse shows up with a cigar in his mouth and Gabe actually crushes the thing between his fingers without flinching. An hour-long lecture later, and Jack thinks he’s just as scarred as Jesse appears to be.

Though the kid only for a few hours at most, it becomes a bit of a routine that Jack denies he looks forward to. Gabriel even seems to like him, surprising him with a stupid-looking cowboy hat he found on one of his and Jack’s increasingly frequent adventures outside. Of course, Jack paid for it. Gabe still scoffs at the concept of working. Jesse damn near cries, giving the angel a tight hug that rivals one of Reinhardt’s.

He dons the hat hastily and Gabriel pushes him back so he can take a good look, only to explode into laughter. He grips onto Jesse’s shoulders, and for some reason that laugh doesn’t really bother Jack anymore.

“You look so fucking ridiculous,” the angel spits out, hunched over. Jesse pushes at him playfully and holds onto the Stetson instead, looking rather petulant.

Something in Jack needles at him, reminding him that the kid’s had more physical contact than he’s ever had with Gabe at this point, and they’ve only known him for a week and a half. He pushes it down, figuring that he can worry about why he’s (dare he say it) jealous later.

Then it hits him as he sees Jesse wipe tears from his eyes. Gabriel isn’t someone’s all-knowing savior, here to make life a breeze for whomever he chooses to come into contact with. He’s what people _need_.

Jesse needs someone to lean on sometimes, someone to chase him, take him in, show him that there will be people who care about him for more than how much credit he can give. He needs someone who will buy him a dumb hat and then laugh at him, someone who adds levity to his life when he has to go home to whatever person is currently masquerading as a father figure.

Jack doesn’t need what he thought Gabriel was supposed to do. He doesn’t need someone to descend and take every chip on his shoulder away. He doesn’t need everything to suddenly be better. That’s the easy way out.

He needs someone to challenge him on a daily basis, someone to show him that he isn’t the only one in his universe. Someone to banter and argue with, someone to infuriate and comfort him when it really matters. He needs someone to defend in front of his friends that seem to think they’re together, someone to give him weird looks when he lets conversation drop. Someone to fill the silence he dreads, someone he knows is right there in the other room when he wakes up from a nightmare.

How malleable Gabriel is, to be so many different things for different people.

Fuck. Jack might just want him to stay.


	5. What We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few questions are answered, and many more are raised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack can be a bit dense, but he's trying.
> 
> If you like what I write, follow me on Tumblr at https://epsilon-writes.tumblr.com! I take requests :)

Quiet is not a word Jack would normally use to describe his life. In the most outwardly silent moments, he’s constantly bombarded by his own thoughts, by the stress of trying to keep the damn job he’s lucky enough to have, and a million other things that make his time on this planet louder. His circumstances are not too unusual for the most part, and he knows countless other soldiers that live like this and _would_ live like this if they were alive. Some have it worse, and he’s well aware of that.

Even so, he considers his life to be a little more eventful than some others’. But this is just insane.

There’s been a recent trend of animals around his person that just… stare at him. Jack thought he was finally going nuts the first few times it happened, but it recurs far too often to be coincidental. Besides, he only notices it when he’s on his way home or he happens to be out for groceries or other mundane things. At times, he thinks a fat little bee whose wings are struggling to keep the poor thing off the ground is observing him. At one point, he thought he saw a flash of a rare lizard slither just out of view when he turned his head.

It reaches a breaking point when two things happen. The first is when Jack is making a late-night grocery run because he has a craving for ice cream and he hasn’t bought the stuff in months. He’s touting his flimsy plastic bag, keeping his head on a swivel down the quiet sidewalk, when he notices a dark shape lurking just ahead. It’s up on a fire escape, and it seems like it’s alive. Jack stops in his tracks just long enough for the thing to _move._ It’s some kind of bird, he realizes as it takes flight, turning majestically in the air before flying right at his face. He dodges out of the way of the damn thing, yelping loudly. His voice echoes in the empty street as he muses on how barn owls aren’t common in Indiana.

In the few moments that the bird is in his line of sight, Jack stares into its eyes, surprised by how beautiful it is. He’s been partial to more docile animals ever since childhood, but there’s something about this particular owl…

He shrugs it off, wondering why he almost got a face full of feathers instead of the bird just coasting over his head as he starts walking again. By now, the ice cream must have melted.

The second straw is when Jack decides to take a walk in the park. The sun has been warming up the sidewalk all day, and he started longing to be outside as soon as he began his walk to work. He sits down on a park bench, watching the grass ripple with a light breeze as the flowers open up for the light of the sun, a small smile on his face.

That is, until he feels he’s being watched again. Do these creatures ever leave him alone?

He searches for the source, his eyes resting on a black cat resting on its paws in an alleyway. Damn, even the strays want something from him now. Jack rises up, carefully walking over to the feline so as not to spook it. They had strays on the farm sometimes, and he’s learned how to effectively shoo them away without getting his face clawed off.

The cat hisses at him when he draws close, but he keeps at it. He can handle one mangy alley creature if he so desires. Though, there are no claws in sight. Why would a creature like that hiss at him if it didn’t mean to harm him?

Jack gets ever closer, and the cat backs away slowly. Though, with this proximity, he can see into its eyes. They seem surprisingly intelligent, though he supposes that’s just a feline trait. But this is more than that, this is almost… human. Those brown eyes, he’s seen them somewhere before… cats don’t have brown eyes, do they?

As soon as his gaze lingers too long, the cat hisses again and runs off, skittering into another alley. He sighs. Well, so much for that. For a stray, it certainly _was_ pretty. A sleek coat, elegant posture, more of a house pet than something that makes its home in a trash can.

He goes back to notice that an elderly couple has taken his bench, letting out a disappointed sigh. Damn cat… The rest of the park is enticing though, and Jack spends a fair amount of time walking down the path and running his fingers along the bark of the older trees before he gets tired. Oranges and pinks are bleeding into the blue of the sky by the time he gets home, and he enters only to see Gabriel on his usual spot on the couch.

“Can I ask you something?” Maybe the living encyclopedia of the universe sitting in his apartment has some insight.

The angel, currently in a rather obscene pose with his legs spread wide and his head draped over the back of the couch, gives him a thumbs-up. Jack shoves a thigh out of the way, damn those are some toned thighs, and sits on the couch with a labored sigh.

“Ever heard of animals stalking people?” It’s an odd way to start the conversation, but Jack supposes he should get right to the point.

That gets Gabe’s eyes to open, and they observe him with a look that suggests that he’s sprouted a third arm. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Jack shrugs, leaning against the arm of the couch. “Y’know, animals watching you while you’re outside. I feel like I’ve run into a shit-ton of animals that watch my every move whenever I’m out. It’s weird, and you’re weird, so I figured you’d know something about it.”

“ _I’m_ weird? Says the guy that sings along to _Toxic_ in the shower.” Jack blushes. Is he really that loud of a singer? “Whatever you’re talking about,” Gabe continues, unaware of his friend’s embarrassment, “I got nothin’. Unless you’re one of those weird princesses that attracts animals wherever she goes, I don’t think the thing you think is happening is actually a thing.”

As roundabout as his answer is, he has a point. Jack’s been called paranoid more times than he can count. On the battlefield it was given other names, like “vigilant” and “self-aware”, but the civilized world doesn’t have a place for his crazy talk, apparently.

“Well, thanks for trying to answer, I guess. What do you want for dinner?” Gabriel groans, trying to stretch his legs out to the side only to be blocked by Jack’s form. He can play that game too, damn it.

“Can we order takeout? I’m tired of you making me eat salads and unseasoned chicken.” Jack snorts and gets up, rooting around in his pile of menus he’s collected over the years until he can find a few that he thinks Gabe will like.

He sits down with about five pamphlets, handing them all to Gabe. “My chicken is perfectly fine, thank you.”

“Your chicken is so dry and bland it makes me thank my lucky stars I don’t need food.”

“Then why do you eat it anyway?”

“I’m kind enough to not make you waste your money, Jackie.” Well, he has a point. Gabriel, despite nitpicking half the dishes Jack puts in front of him, has always cleaned his plate in the end. He had no idea that was the angel being _considerate_ of his financial situation for once.

Gabe settles on a Thai place a couple blocks down, and accompanies Jack for once. The woman at the register titters at them when they enter together, giving Gabriel a look that makes Jack very uncomfortable. He forgot that people find this punk attractive.

Well, who is he kidding? Gabe is a handsome guy. Jack’s just not sure why he presumed he was the only one allowed to think that.

A few arguments about how Jack is chicken for wanting his dish mild later, he’s back at home with his mouth watering at the tantalizing smells from the contents of the takeout bag. Gabriel is standing eagerly behind him, and he hands the angel his takeout container and hears footsteps thumping away from him.

So hasty… he didn’t even give Gabe his utensils.

“Fork or chopsticks,” he calls, setting the former on top of his own food. He could never get a hang of chopsticks, and neither could his mother. Maybe it’s genetic.

“Chopsticks, what do I look like, a-” Gabriel stops in his tracks when Jack turns around, fork in hand. “A… completely normal person with individual interests and preferences?”

“Nice try,” the vet says dismissively. He drops the chopsticks in Gabriel’s lap and shoves him over to his own half of the couch again, putting his feet up and turning the television on. Whatever’s on just serves as background noise as Jack watches Gabe consume his demon food. Whatever it is, it has a little hot pepper on the side of it and Jack doesn’t have the time or the constitution to put up with that.

He’ll stick to his perfectly mild noodles, and Gabe can have all the acid reflux he wants. Do angels get acid reflux if they’re in a human body? He doesn’t take the time to ponder that, as he catches a suspicious pair of chopsticks with an even more suspicious pepper clinched in between them making their way to his own meal.

“If you get anywhere _near_ my noodles with that, I will shoot you in the dick, wait for you to heal, and then shoot you in the dick again.”

Gabriel’s eyes widen and he immediately retracts his hand, bringing the pepper with him. “Damn, it’s not like you’d actually get close to shooting me, but that’s fucked up.”

“Yeah. So don’t put your peppers in my food. I don’t even know how you stomach that stuff. Doesn’t it make your mouth burn?”

He flinches when he sees Gabe eat a heaping mouthful of food, pepper included. Jack self-consciously nibbles at a bean sprout while he waits for the angel to swallow. “That’s the fun part. Your food is boring while my food is an adventure,” he finally says.

Jack shudders. “I’ll stick to boring food, then.”

“Suit yourself. Damn, I can’t believe I’m stuck with you and your bland dinners.” Jack aches a bit at that. He’s been slowly coming to appreciate the life Gabriel brings to his little apartment, and it stings to think that the angel might not hold the same sentiment for him. If Gabe really thinks he’s stuck here, then maybe it’s best to hurry up whatever emotional journey he’s supposed to go on. Then the contract will be fulfilled, and he can go back to cooking for one, having the couch to himself, watching what _he_ wants to watch… alone.

Well, that doesn’t sound fun at all.

Jack eats as much takeout as he can, boxing the rest up and shoving it into the fridge. He’s no longer in the mood for conversation, and Gabriel has learned not to press when he’s like this.

He bids the angel goodnight and hears the tv turn up before he shuts the door to his bedroom. He starts surfing the Internet for whatever he can find, barely remembering any of it. Nothing for ‘animal stalking’ comes up, and he loses interest soon after.

***

The next day when he comes home, Jesse is lurking outside the door to the complex. A rush of panic struck Jack’s heart when he first saw the teen from far away, but soon that damn hat became visible and all doubt vanished.

“What’s up, kid? Catching some fresh air?” Sometimes, he finds Jesse out here smoking since Gabriel doesn’t let him do it inside, but the kid doesn’t have anything in his mouth except a toothpick that he’s chewing on.

Jesse shrugs. “Was gonna come in but nobody answered. Haven’t been waiting long, ya got here a couple minutes after I turned up.”

“What, you didn’t climb in the window like last time?” The kid shoots him a look and Jack throws up his hands in mocking surrender. “But seriously, Gabe didn’t let you in?”

“Ain’t home, I reckon.” That throws Jack for a loop. It’s unlike Gabriel to take showers in the afternoon, as he keeps a fairly regular schedule. He’d have heard the buzzer even if he _was_ all the way in the bathroom. He knows how to let people in, it’s just pressing a couple buttons.

His eyes shift as he sees a flash of black, reminding him of the raven he swore was following him home earlier, and suddenly the door to the complex opens.

“What are you two doing standing around like lazy bums?” It’s Gabriel, and he looks mildly disgruntled as usual.

Jack’s mind clicks several things into place at the same time. Firstly, Gabriel hasn’t been staying at home like a freeloader as he previously thought. Well, that explains the lack of a serious butt imprint on his cushions. He’d have thought it would be much worse by now.

Secondly, the animals following him haven’t been coincidental. He knew there was something a little odd about them, and he’s not one to be superstitious. Though, one of the first things he considered was that he’d been cursed.

Thirdly, there’s a connection between Gabriel and the animals. Perhaps the angel knows a bit more than he’s been letting on.

He realizes he’s been standing stock-still ever since he started processing in his mind, and the ounce of guilt in Gabriel’s face seals the deal. He shakes his head when the angel taps him on the shoulder, reminding himself that he has two people watching him and he can be dumbfounded later. He follows Gabe and Jesse upstairs, the gears in his mind turning at an alarming rate.

As it turns out, Jesse needs some friendly comfort, away from his friends at school, and _certainly_ away from his adoptive father. Jack sits him down with his leftover takeout from last night, and the grateful look on the kid’s face almost makes him want to prevent him from going home. It’s like this is the first time someone’s given him food without making him work for it.

Gabe turns on the tv for idle noise, playing some action flick from 10 years ago. It hasn’t aged well, but Jesse seems to get some laughs out of it with Gabe’s encouragement. The angel has an ability to nitpick, so making fun of botched cinematics suits him perfectly. He’d make a good film critic, Jack thinks idly.

“See? Count the backgrounds they use for the falling shot. Isn’t that ridiculous?” Gabriel seems to be having his own fun with it, as if he draws pleasure from making the director look like an idiot 10 years after the movie came out. Then again, he is also the man that finds infomercials entertaining. Jack figures that he shouldn’t put it past him.

He zones out of the conversation a bit, letting himself think for a while. He has a lot of questions for his friend once Jesse leaves. What was Gabriel thinking, lying to him about being aware of the animals? Maybe he’s controlling the creatures as part of a diabolical scheme…

Then it hits him. He’s seen those brown eyes somewhere.

If Gabe truly has been either taking the form of animals or possessing them, he has some explaining to do. If he insists he has no idea still, Jack has ammunition. Cats don’t have brown, distinctly human eyes. He’ll deny that he’s spent a little more time than he should’ve staring at Gabriel’s face to figure that one out.

A loud bout of laughter brings him back to reality, and he looks over only to see Jesse absolutely losing his mind at one of Gabriel’s comments. Jack wonders idly if this is one of the first times the kid’s actually laughed like this. He has tears in his eyes, and the look on his face is so unsullied by whatever he’s been forced to see at home.

Jack smiles, letting himself be surrounded by musical laughter and the feeling of being pressed against the arm of a couch. Now he knows how Ana feels, and he can’t deny that it’s pretty great.

He flips through the channels after the current one ends, settling in for a comedy. Something about the holidays, he’s not even sure. At the very least, it’s something else for Gabriel to amuse Jesse with. Jack ends up breaking out the hot chocolate packets he bought on a whim and spoiling Jesse with a sweet beverage before he goes home for the night. It’s not even close to Christmas, it’s only early October, but if Jack stretches his imagination hard enough he can visualize snow falling outside.

When did he become such a sap for his Guardian Angel and a wayward teenager?

Jesse turns down the offer of another hot chocolate packet for the road, stating that his ‘Pa’ will kill him if he comes home with anything with an origin he has to explain. Jack nods and pats the kid on the back, only to be pulled into a firm hug alongside Gabriel.

“Didn’t think the folks I almost robbed would help me out this much,” Jesse says, and there’s a break in his voice that nearly shatters Jack’s heart. “Thanks, I s’pose…”

Gabe takes it for him, as the vet struggles for words. “Be safe, Jesse. We won’t have anyone to dote on if you don’t take care of yourself.”

Well fuck, if that didn’t paint them as an old married couple, then Jack doesn’t know what will. Jesse sniffles and wipes his eyes, vehemently ignoring the wet patch that he leaves on his own shirt when he dries his fingers on it. He gives them a wave and scurries off into the night. Jack catches himself before he can worry too much about whether he’ll get cold on the way home.

As soon as the door closes, there’s a pregnant silence that gives him an odd sort of satisfaction. Gabriel knows he’s going to be put through the wringer, and he probably knows why.

“So,” Jack begins, locking the door and sliding the bolt into place. “Don’t think you’re not out of hot water yet.”

Gabriel chuckles awkwardly and sits down, and Jack follows. He drapes one leg over the other and idly thinks that he must look like a particularly pissed-off schoolteacher. “Have you been watching me?”

“Well, I’d think that living with you would require me to watch you at some point or the other.” Jack pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s too emotionally vulnerable from seeing Jesse like that, and he doesn’t have the time for Gabe’s stupid mind games.

“Can you just be straight with me for once? Answer the damn question, Gabe.” The angel clearly senses that his luck’s run out, and he taps his fingers against his thigh for a moment before accepting that there really isn’t a way out of this one.

“Yeah, I’ve been watching you. Part of the contract, and all. Animals are useful forms to take when you need to blend in with the scenery. They don’t get as much flak for staring at something as humans do. Though, there was that one fuckin’ sparrow…” Jack sighs. Well, at least Gabe owned up to it. He isn’t even particularly angry, just confused that Gabriel kept it from him.  He wonders why he only noticed recently. Was it only after Jesse broke in that he started getting observed?

“So, do you possess random animals or do you create forms like you did with your human one?”

Gabriel shakes his head. “Can’t possess shit unless I get permission. It’s more like making a really complex copy of something. I borrow something’s likeness and use it as a template. It’s easier with animals, since they don’t get all uppity if they have a twin for a while. Besides, if I have to take a physical form while I’m here, I’d rather not become the latest news story when people start taking pictures of my smoke.”

That fills in a few of the blanks Jack’s been wondering about.  So while on the physical plane, Gabriel has to have a manifestation, but he uses something else’s appearance. He should’ve known that sleek black cat was too out of place in an alleyway to be a coincidence.

Jack freezes. “Wait… does that mean you got your human form from-” he trails off, wondering about the ramifications of meeting the original Gabriel Reyes. Would he have the same voice, the same eyes, the same affinity for wearing hats?

Gabe snorts and brings Jack back to reality. “Fuck no. I don’t care about whatever I’m inhabiting for a few minutes or hours. I constructed all of this,” he gestures to his body, “by hand. If I’m gonna be stuck in a shell like this, I might as well make it look good.”

There’s that trademark self-absorption. Jack rolls his eyes, another question pressing at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, I didn’t know what kind of person you’d turn into if I did. It’s always touchy when you’re dealing with humans. They like to think they aren’t being watched 24/7. So naïve…” Gabriel laughs to himself quietly. Oh, he’d be such an enabler for conspiracy theorists.

Another thing pops into Jack’s mind, though he isn’t motivated to get angry about it. “Isn’t that an invasion of my privacy, though?” On one hand, he’s a bit flattered that Gabe has developed a vested interest in what he’s doing. On the other, he’s offended that he doesn’t know what the angel has or hasn’t seen. He’s not sure which emotion he should favor.

Gabe just scoffs. “You really think your life is secretly _that_ interesting that I’m seeing things I shouldn’t?”

Ok. Offended. “Well, how much _have_ you seen?”

“What, you’re worried I’ve been watching you jerk it? I won’t smite you if you have, you weren’t born with those parts so you could tuck ‘em away forever. But no, I haven’t been peeking. Much.” He smirks at the unusual shade of red Jack’s cheeks turn.

Jack is so embarrassed that he almost loses his train of thought. He hasn’t done much to himself or anyone else since the war ended, the motivation just isn’t there. He already knows he should “get more in touch with his body” or “find himself through his sexuality.” The counselors and therapists all say the same thing. He just tells himself he doesn’t have the time.

“I could figure that out on my own, thanks. You don’t need to rub it in.”

“I think it’s ‘rub one out’, Jackie. For someone with your preferences, I would hope you’d be more in the know.” He smirks in whatever victory he’s claiming from this.

Jack figures now’s as good a time as any to ask the golden question. “Well, what does your big guy say about that? I thought he didn’t like people like me.” Granted, he’s not _solely_ into men, but he’d always been under the impression that it still counted against him.

Gabriel takes a moment to breathe deeply, and Jack thinks he’s about to spill a game-changer, tell him that he regrets his decision to be here, before he sees that signature mirth in the angel’s eyes. “Jackie,” he begins, and the vet knows he’s in for it now. “You really think that in all those pages of scripture, the verses upon verses about God’s love for humanity and his devotion to your species…” he presses his hands together, almost as if he’s praying, regarding Jack over his fingertips. “…that there isn’t an ounce of gay in there?”

Not the answer he’d been expecting, but it certainly is a better one. Jack gives a relieved chuckle, leaning back. “I mean, I _guess_ you have a point.”

Gabriel separates his hands, draping them over the back of the couch. “Exactly. Why love a species if you can’t love every last one of ‘em?” Jack supposes that the scum of the Earth get the punishment they deserve out of said love.

Well, at least Gabe doesn’t mind who he is. In fact, he seems to have seen it time after time, practically encouraging it when the opportunity presents itself. That nagging part of his brain reminds him that there’s also a chance that Gabriel might follow the same principle of love, but he pushes it away. There’s no reason an Archangel should consider relations like that… still, if the supreme being has room for it, maybe-

Maybe what? Maybe he has a chance with Gabe? Why would he even think something like that? The only reason that he gets jealous when Jesse gives the angel hugs is because he longs to be held by someone more often, just a friendly touch now and then, not from Gabriel necessarily, absolutely not. Though, he wonders if he’d have a problem with Gabriel bringing someone home. Did angels have flings whenever they were visiting someone’s planet?

He supposes he would indeed have a problem, because the only place Gabe would be able to do anything would be on his furniture. The furniture he happens to like and use quite often.

That’s the reason.

“Good point,” is all he says after he realizes he’s let the conversation peter out again. Gabriel nods and leaves it at that.

***

The first night Jack actually has a good dream, it _has_ to leave him with more questions than ever before. He’s somewhere that his dream self recognizes as his apartment, though it looks nothing like the cramped little place he’s made his own.

There’s a fluttering of wings and suddenly the owl that nearly clawed his face off many nights ago is sitting on his windowsill and tapping the glass with its beak. Jack wanders over and lets the bird in, and it immediately flies over to the couch. It appears to be sitting down, as its legs are covered by the copious fluff of its body. Jack sits next to it like nothing is out of the ordinary, absentmindedly scratching the owl under its beak. It chirps softly and suddenly it’s gone.

He looks over only to realize he’s no longer in his house, but outside on a park bench. The sounds of wind rustling through the trees, people talking, and birds chirping are muffled, almost as if they’re coming from somewhere far away. Jack tries to look around but a hand grips his chin and turns him back and suddenly he’s staring into familiar eyes.

Everything becomes soft, the wind licks at his cheeks but it’s like a soft downy blanket caressing his skin. The fingers holding his head in place are gentle, and his dream self muses idly on the beauty of those manicured fingernails.

An almost otherworldly force draws his gaze back up from where he’s been staring at the fingers touching him, and he sees those beautiful eyes again. They’re kind, just like the rest of the dream. That smile… he hasn’t seen it often at all. He’s surrounded by the warmth of another’s touch, the eyes that don’t regard him as if he doesn’t belong, as if he’s something that regular people don’t want to look at. Perhaps he needs someone so wonderfully unusual, with a deep shining gaze and plush lips and regal cheekbones…

Jack wakes up with a start, sitting bold upright in his bed. He breathes heavily, sweat rolling down his forehead. Whatever thoughts he’s been having need to leave, and they need to leave _now_. He stumbles out of bed, wincing at his own thumping footsteps. They must be loud enough to wake Gabriel…

Gabriel.

He shakes his head free of that nagging little voice, turning on the shower as soon as he gets to the bathroom. He doesn’t wait for it to get warm, merely shedding his clothes and stepping under the spray. He braces his hands on the tiled wall, squeezing his eyes shut and groaning a little bit at the frigid water temperature.

The dream meant nothing. They’re just a mechanism for clearing one’s brain of the day’s happenings. Just because he dreamed about being with his friend in a park doesn’t mean that there’s any connection. It’s a product of the email he sent to Ana a week ago. She responded two days later but there’s no reason why Jack couldn’t have thought of it before he went to sleep this evening, right?

That must be it. Nothing to do with Gabriel. Just a bit of loneliness while thinking about his old friend and her family.

Jack steps out of the shower once he feels calm enough, glad that he has the self-control to will the small tent in his pajama pants away. It’s been a while since he’s thought about anything like _that_ , so it only follows that his subconscious would bring it to the surface. He spends most of his time around Gabriel anyway, it’s perfectly healthy to accidentally fantasize.

Fuck. He didn’t mean to admit to himself that he’d been fantasizing. But come to think of it, maybe he’s not too off-base. Gabriel has been unusually soft lately, not as abrasive or outwardly critical. He’s apologized twice now, and oftentimes he’ll renege on something he’d previously said.

Perhaps it’s because Jesse has visited the apartment so often and he shows Gabriel that it doesn’t hurt to be a little kinder sometimes, if Jack is parroting the angel’s own words. Maybe it’s because of his own presence. Maybe they’re helping each other grow. Jack holds a special little hope in his heart that Gabe has warmed up as a person because of him.

Figuring that he might as well get a midnight snack while he’s at it, Jack dons his clothes again and steps into the kitchen. He’s rifling through the cabinets until a soft snore catches his attention. So Gabriel does choose to sleep like he chooses to eat… sounds reasonable. The angel doesn’t have to deal with nightmares, after all.

Jack sneaks over, peering over the edge of the couch curiously. The beanie is over Gabe’s face as usual, and once again he can see the slightest peek of hair underneath. He’s reaching his hand out before he can stop himself, but if he can just lift it for one second…

A hand clamps over his wrist as soon as he comes within two inches of the hat. Jack freezes.

“I’ve ended worlds and you still think I’d be a heavy sleeper.”

It’s a good point. Jack retracts his hand and tries to make a hasty exit, but Gabriel sits up, beanie securely on his head once more. Shame.

“Oh, no you don’t. You get your ass back here.” Jack slumps, defeated. He pads back over to the couch, taking a tentative seat. Gabriel actually looks angry, which is a first for him. “For a guy that’s so worried about me invading his privacy, you sure have no problem invading mine.”

Jack throws up his hands, immediately defensive. “I was curious, sue me! Sorry that you’re keeping a secret that’s not even a big deal! If you’d just let me-”

“Let you _what_ , Morrison?! Even if I was just wearing the hat because I like it, it doesn’t give you permission to do whatever you want with it!” Gabriel seems to be getting increasingly agitated, and his hands start to gesture more emphatically. Jack doesn’t think he’s ever seen the angel get this angry.

“But-”

“Why do you care so much anyway?” That stops Jack cold. Why _does_ he care? He’s never felt this way about anything if it’s just simple curiosity. What in him compels him to see what Gabriel’s hair looks like?

The angel seems to take his silence as an answer, and he can see the man’s body deflate. A long sigh escapes his friend, and Jack feels a bit of pain in his heart. He fucked up.

“Just… go to bed, will ya? I’ll show you when I’m ready, how’s that sound?” Gabriel’s voice sounds defeated, and Jack wants to say something, anything, but he knows it’s useless. He’s been dismissed, and for good reason.

“Sorry,” he mutters.

“S’ ok, just… go back to sleep.” Gabriel waves him off before dragging a hand down his face. Jack nods and gets up, closing the cabinet he’d opened in the kitchen before going back to his bedroom. He’s not hungry anymore.

He lies awake in bed for a good hour, staring at the ceiling. The question Gabriel asked runs through his head on a constant loop. Why does he care so much? About his dream, about Gabe’s hair, about everything since the angel fell into his life.

The last thing he cared about so much was serving his country, and now he’s considered lucky because he didn’t get his legs blown off only because people can’t _see_ what he lives with. And yet, here he is planning how he’s going to properly apologize to Gabriel tomorrow.

He can’t decide whether he’s excited or terrified of caring again.

***

The only thought that runs through Jack’s head as he stands in line at the grocery is that this is a terrible idea. But, it’s for his friend, and more importantly, it’s for Gabriel. He’s not sure when he started making that distinction.

The kid at the register gives him an odd look when he sees the only thing he’s buying, but Jack glares at him and takes his produce as quick as he can. He hurries back home, lamenting the fact that there isn’t an animal watching him today. Gabriel must be more worked up over this than he thought. All the more reason to do what he’s about to do.

The angel is in his usual place, looking rather downtrodden. It lances through Jack’s chest like a javelin, and he quickly makes his way over to the couch before he can think about why. He sits down, running over his composed apology in his head one more time before he says his piece.

“Gabe,” he begins, and he only gets a look of mild interest. “I know I said I’m sorry last night, but I was a dick and you were right to be angry with me, so I figured I should show you that I’m _actually_ sorry. So, I’m going to improve myself and take your advice.”

That last bit gets him some more interest, and he figures that now’s as good a time as any to pull out his secret weapon. He fishes around in his grocery bag for a moment, popping open the plastic container inside before removing one of the fresh habanero peppers he bought. He’s not quite sure what they’ll do with the rest of them, but he figures Gabriel can use them as a light snack.

He sees a look of confusion on the angel’s face that morphs into panic when he eats the thing whole. Jack chews with confidence, figuring that he’s finally proved to Gabriel that he’s willing to better himself in the name of their friendship. If murdering his own mouth for Gabe’s sake is what he has to do to show his sincerity, then he’ll do it.

Gabriel looks at him, sees the bead of sweat Jack can feel forming on his forehead, and bolts. He’s about to open his mouth to ask where the angel is going, but then it hits.

Jack coughs loudly, clutching at his throat. Getting shot is nothing compared to this, he’s burning up, his mouth is on fire… He manages to swallow ever so painfully, feeling the pepper sear his throat when Gabriel returns from the kitchen and shoves the milk carton into his hand, but he’s shaking so hard that the angel has to set it on the coffee table instead.

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” Gabe half-laughs, half-yells. “Why the hell did you eat a goddamn habanero whole?!”

Jack opens his mouth to say something, but all that comes out is a drawn-out sob. There are tears leaking from his eyes, and Gabriel is torn between looking amused and terrified. The worst part is that it isn’t even going away, it’s just sticking to every part of Jack’s mouth and there’s no way he’s going to survive this. He has to write his will, he has to leave everything to his friends and family, he had so many things he wanted to do before he met his maker.

He sees the milk on the coffee table and finally snatches it up, hastily uncapping it and tipping it back. He can feel cold liquid spilling out from the sides, running down his cheeks, but he couldn’t give a shit. It’s helping at least, he might yet make it out of this alive.

He barely feels Gabriel take his own phone out of his pocket, barely hears the little “yoink” since his ears are ringing. It’s only a few minutes after he sets the milk carton down that he realizes his own camera lens is pointed at him. Gabe is snickering evilly behind the phone and Jack’s eyes widen in mortification.

He tries to speak, to tell Gabe off for taking pictures of him, but his tongue is half-numb and feels like it’s filling up his mouth. That just set the angel giggling hysterically, and Jack idly thinks that he must paint a ridiculous picture right now.

He slaps Gabe on the arm, trying to silently demand pity since he can’t form words right now. It takes him 5 minutes to finally feel his tongue again, and he sniffles only to realize snot’s been running from his nose this whole time. He makes a disgusted sound and rushes over to the kitchen, dunking his head under the cold stream of water and groaning in relief.

Gabe throws the grocery bag on the counter and watches him, smirking when Jack finally turns around. The only thing he asks is, “you done?”

Jack huffs and grabs his phone, scrolling through the photos Gabe took. His face looks blotchy and flushed, and there are several pictures of him guzzling milk while simultaneously crying and snotting. The rest are him making pained expressions while his mouth hangs open like a fish out of water. He finds it in himself to laugh a little.

“Am I forgiven?” He’s still quiet, as he feels like his throat is sore and it wouldn’t do him good to talk normally.

Gabriel laughs and squeezes his shoulder. “You’re forgiven, you big dumbass. Why’d you go out and do that, huh? Why not buy me some flowers or whatever you humans do?”

Jack shrugs, keeping in his mind that Gabe likes flowers. For some reason. “You said I eat boring food, n’ I wanted to show you that I meant my apology.” He sniffles again.

Gabriel looks at him incredulously. “Jack, habanero peppers aren’t just sitting in regular fuckin’ food. That’s jalapenos and other mild shit.”

Jack pauses. He’d assumed that Gabriel’s Thai food had habaneros in it. “…Oh,” he mutters.

There’s that laugh again. When did he start thinking that it’s kind of pretty? “Well, you proved to me you meant it, if that’s all you’re worried about. Just don’t touch my hat until I say it’s ok, deal?”

Jack sniffles again and extends his hand to shake Gabe’s. “Deal.”

The angel scoffs and shakes his hand, obviously amused by these odd human traditions. Jack looks over at the bag of hell peppers and groans. “Damn, I spent money on those things.”

“Well, if you’re down for making your own hot sauce we could give it a shot. After that little show, I’m not letting you near it, though. It’ll be for me to spice up your bland-ass food and nothing else.”

Jack nods. “Fair enough.” Well, if there was one thing that came from this near-death experience, it’s that Gabriel doesn’t hate his guts anymore. Maybe he’ll go back to watching him in animal form when he goes out.

***

The next day, Jack makes a pitstop at the grocery to pick up ingredients for a recipe he found online. He’s about to go in when he hears an obnoxious shrieking from an alleyway. He looks over when it won’t stop, only to see a barn owl staring at him from atop a pile of boxes. He groans and walks over to it, noticing that there’s a piece of paper laying on the topmost box that it picks up with its beak.

“What do you want, Gabriel?” The owl sticks its head out and Jack takes the rolled-up piece of paper. He wonders how Gabe carried it all the way here in the first place. Then again, he must be dexterous in every form he chooses.

He unfurls the paper and reads. There’s a single sentence on it, and he flips Gabe off as soon as he sees it.

_I want gummy bears._

“Really?” Gabriel just preens himself, and Jack wonders if things taste the same with an owl’s mouth as they do a human’s. What now? Does he dare pet the fluffy-looking feathers or would Gabriel screech at him and bite his fingers?

He decides to go for it, scratching the soft feathers on the owl’s front. Gabriel tilts his head at him, and he can see the familiar brown eyes in place of a typical barn owl’s.

“You’re a real piece of work, ya know that?” Jack affectionately pets over Gabe’s head, watching him shake off a few loose feathers afterwards. The vet scoffs and walks off, smiling a little at the soft twittering sounds following him out of the alleyway.

He makes quick work of the grocery, throwing in two bags of gummy bears for good measure. Gabriel is waiting for him, flying along in front of him and waiting for him to catch up as he lights on fire escapes and windowsills.

He flies in through the open window of Jack’s apartment when the vet reaches the front door, and he’s waiting on the couch for the gummy bears that get thrown at him.

“Yes,” he chuckles, drawing out the ‘s’ sound.

“Don’t eat them yet, you’ll ruin your appetite,” Jack commands, setting out all the ingredients for the hot sauce on the counter.

“Appetite for what, hot sauce? I’m not gonna drink it out of the bottle.” Jack can hear a bag tearing open and he sighs, emptying the contents of his grocery bag. Well, theoretically Gabriel should have an infinite appetite so he doesn’t know what he’s fretting over.

He has the salt and sugar already, it was just everything else he had to buy. He doesn’t usually cook with onions or garlic.

Gabriel comments on his skill as soon as he starts roasting the garlic cloves, though it isn’t as abrasive as usual. “Didn’t think you’d know how to do this, Jackie.”

“You pick some things up. I’m not _completely_ useless in the kitchen.” Gabe shrugs and Jack hands him his phone with the recipe pulled up so he can get to work. It’s the first time that the angel has actually helped out in the kitchen, but at least he does a decent job of chopping ingredients.

He heats his saucepan with a splash of olive oil, feeling fancy as all hell. He doesn’t remember the last time he went outside the norm other than slaving away at chili for Ana and Reinhardt.

Gabriel takes care of vegetable prep fairly quickly, and Jack watches them simmer in the saucepan with mild interest. Gabriel just seems plain excited, and Jack muses on the fact that this is so disgustingly domestic that Ana would have every reason in the world to think that they’re somehow together.

He dumps the contents of both the skillet and the saucepan into his blender after washing the dust out. It was a gift from his mother a long time ago, though he only uses it when he feels particularly healthy and wants to make a smoothie.

He turns on the blender and watches it go, noticing that the recipe recommends tasting the hot sauce. Well, there’s no way in hell he’s doing that. Once it looks sufficiently hot sauce-like, he grabs a mason jar from his mismatch collection of containers and pours the sauce in, noticing that it could be a little thinner if they make this again.

He hands a spoon to Gabriel and steps back, though the angel regards him with a confused look.

“Go on, taste it,” he urges.

“You think I’m gonna taste that? How do I know you’re not trying to kill me?”

“You saw the fuckin’ recipe, just taste it.”

Gabriel huffs and steps forward, dipping the spoon into the jar and slowly bringing it to his lips. He sniffs it first, eyeing the substance like it’s going to bite him.

“Quit being such a big baby,” Jack groans. Gabe finally sticks his tongue out and catches a bit of the sauce on it, smacking his lips loudly.

“Not bad,” he says finally. Jack smirks. Victory.

“It’s all yours, Gabe. I’m not going near that stuff.”

The angel smiles at him, and Jack’s heart skips a beat unbidden. That’s the same smile from his dream. “Thanks, Jackie.”

“Y-yeah, no problem.”

***

Just when he thinks things are on the up and up, there has to be _one_ day. Jack thought bad days couldn’t get this bad, and he’s been through some of the worst. It’s not something that boils over and explodes in a few moments of panic, it’s not something that simmers in the corners of his mind, making him feel that familiar frustration or hopelessness.

No, it’s just frustration upon frustration, topped off with a few memories that make today absolutely rotten. Nothing going right at work, rude customers making everyone stressed, his headphones getting misplaced and a few loud noises making him on edge, bumping into somebody on the way home and stepping in some kid’s gum right as his apartment complex comes into view.

He slides the deadbolt into place as soon as his door shuts, immediately deflating afterwards. He’s sick of everything not going right today. Maybe he can just make himself some of the tea Ana sent him and then go to sleep. Gabriel can fend for himself.

Speaking of the angel, he notices that beanie from over the back of the couch, sighing in relief. At least there’s a semblance of routine today. He heats up the water in the microwave despite Ana pushing him to get a kettle, and steeps one of the herbal-looking bags in it.

He sits down on the couch next to Gabe, that weak part of him longing for the angel’s comfort, longing for the soft expressions and touches he catches glimpses of but never for long.

“You alright?” It’s not the usual question Gabriel asks. Usually he inquires what’s wrong, but Jack fools himself into thinking that this means something different. He takes a sip of his tea and shrugs. He’s surprised that he’s so comfortable showing this part of himself to Gabriel, seeing that he usually keeps it hidden. But, they’ve lived in each other’s company for months now, and the angel is the one thing he can always count on. Funny how that works.

Something in him compels him to set his tea down and stare at Gabe. For once he might actually work up the courage to ask for the hug he desperately needs right now. He’s seen how grateful Jesse looks when he gets one, and Gabriel’s arms _do_ look rather comforting. He’s in the mood to hold onto something for a while and refuse to let go until he’s had his fill. The only question is whether Gabe would be comfortable with that or not.

“Uh, can I…” he gestures indistinctly, drawing the angel’s attention away from the television. “Can I- can we…” he points in between himself and Gabriel, and he swears he can see a faint blush on the angel’s cheeks.

“Can we what?”

Fuck, how does he ask for a hug? Does he just say he’s had a shit day and would appreciate some comfort?

“Had a bit of a bad day a-and…” Jack runs his hands up and down his arms awkwardly. Gabriel still looks confused. “…and I really need a hug right now.” He’s never been this shy before. Granted, he’s never wanted to show someone this level of vulnerability before.

Gabe scoffs. “God, don’t scare me like that. Thought you were having a heart attack.” He pulls Jack into a tight hug, allowing their legs to touch and _oh_ , that feels nice. Gabe smells like Jack’s soap but it somehow smells better on him, and his arms are so strong and firm and Jack hasn’t been held this tenderly in so long.

He buries his face into the angel’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Gabe’s surprisingly thin waist. The loose hoodies hide the hourglass figure, he muses. He sniffles a bit before pressing himself closer, feeling a few tears leak from his eyes. They’re unhurried, as if he’s finally allowing the emotions of the day to pass through him freely.

Jack waywardly imagines how nice it would be to fall asleep like this, though he immediately chides himself. It’s wrong to feel that way about Gabriel. This is completely platonic. Just a regular old hug to help him out when he’s feeling down. Nothing more.

He can feel the angel’s heart rate pick up, and he worries that he’s somehow causing Gabe anxiety, though the logical part of his brain counters that he has no problem hugging Jesse. Well, maybe it’s just him. He tries to pull away and apologize, but those arms are locked around his body and they’re rather strong.

“You really are the cuddliest motherfucker I know,” he says, his voice thick with emotion.

Gabriel laughs quietly. It sounds beautiful. “You’re damn right.”

Jack allows himself the luxury of staying in Gabriel’s arms as the noise of the tv drowns out the events of the day. He listens to the sound of his and Gabe’s breathing, focuses on the rise and fall of his head as it rests on the angel’s shoulder. He idly thinks that this qualifies as cuddling, but snuffs it out as quickly as it came.

He realizes the tea must be getting cold, and he gives Gabe one final squeeze before they separate. “Thanks,” he mutters as he picks up his mug.

“Yeah, no problem,” the angel responds. That’s right. This must mean nothing to him. Gabe has shown time and time again that he’s comfortable with hugs, but for Jack it’s monumental. He hasn’t allowed himself the luxury of baring himself like this in front of anyone except his family and close friends. But Gabriel is so much more than that to him…

He sighs and sips his tea. He’s going to that place again. Jack mires himself in doubt of Gabriel’s reciprocation until he feels something soft on top of his head. He reaches his fingers up only to feel fabric, and one look at Gabriel makes him realize two things.

One, the thing on his head is Gabe’s beanie. Two, Gabriel is fucking gorgeous.

Jack doesn’t know what he was going on about when he said his hair doesn’t lay right. It’s a cascade of messy curls atop buzzed sides and it fits him perfectly. Jack wants to run his fingers through them, maybe grip them a little bit just to feel the resistance. Gabe’s hair is thick and it frames his face in a way that makes Jack extremely jealous.

The angel chuckles at him, rubbing the back of his neck. “Don’t look at me like that,” he says in a teasing tone. He shoves at Jack, who just wobbles in place like a child’s toy. “I put it on you ‘cuz you said you couldn’t pull it off. You’re a big fat liar.” He holds out his hand and Jack almost holds it in his reverie. “Give it back, genius.”

Jack snaps out of it and slowly takes the hat off his head, wishing he could hold onto it for longer. Gabe takes it and places it back on his head, though he doesn’t tuck the curls in front back in. They peek out from under the beanie, laying across his forehead and Jack can’t help but stare.

He takes a sip of his tea, still side-eyeing his friend whose attention is back on whatever’s playing on the tv. Jack has no place in his mind for whatever drivel is coming out of the screen. He’s too preoccupied with Gabriel and his soft yet strong embrace, his hair, his smile, his entire face, his _everything_ …

Wait, who is he kidding? It’s not platonic.


	6. What We Have Become (edited and fixed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fog is lifted. A little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was scrolling through the chapter and I realized an ENTIRE portion of the chapter was just not showing up, and it was one of the most important parts right at the end! I am so sorry, this is fixed now!

Jack thought he was past schoolboy crushes. Hell, he thought he was past romantic infatuation in general. There are folks on the street many a time that catch his attention, but it’s fleeting and he forgets about it by the time he gets to where he needs to be.

This, though? This is a whole other animal.

Gabriel is someone that refuses to leave his house, much less his head. Over time, he’s come to resent the angel’s presence less and long for it a helluva lot more. He’s even taken to hugging his pillow some nights for the comfort. He makes the bed in the morning meticulously, as if to cover up the shame of his own feelings.

Though, he supposes the feelings aren’t unwarranted. Gabriel seems to treat him more like a companion than an acquaintance nowadays, and it’s been like that ever since their little group activities increased. Jack goes out more on weekends, able to put aside his slight fear of crowded spaces because he has a presence by his side. Seeing bullets not even get close to grazing Gabe’s flesh sets his mind at ease in regards to being out and about where anyone could shoot him if they wanted. He hopes Gabriel would take a hit for him if it came to that situation, not look down at him bleeding out and complain that he’s getting the sidewalk dirty.

Guardian indeed.

Even when he’s alone, those pesky emotions still plague him. The animals milling about whenever he’s in the park or coming home are much closer than before. Oftentimes, a crow will perch on a bench he’s sitting on, pecking him on the shoulder softly enough for it not to hurt. He often comments on how Gabriel’s an attention whore, but the animal just blinks at him.

He never thought he’d learn how to pet every animal in Indiana by studying Gabriel’s numerous forms. His barn owl form enjoys scratches on the head and under the beak, and Jack has become intimately familiar with that one. It’s the form the angel takes most often, and he wonders why. Perhaps Gabe considers himself and owls to be knowledgeable, and well, at least the former is true. Jack knows from his father pointing out the roosting owls in the old barn that they aren’t too bright. Ironic, really.

Whatever form he takes, at least Gabriel seems to enjoy the pets. Those startlingly human eyes always close in contentment whenever Jack gets his fingers near the feathers, fur, sometimes even scales. To some, he must look like the crazy scarred veteran in the park petting the wildlife, but he’s past caring at this point. If it makes Gabriel look that comfortable, he’ll do it.

Maybe he could actually manage to do the same thing with the angel’s human form, if he’s allowed. He’s never asked, fearing rejection. Though he has to wonder, does Gabriel enjoy pets in all forms? Jack does, but he’s had a few significant others that shivered and pushed his hands away when he would try to offer the same courtesy.

Of course, with how ornery the angel got about Jack even _seeing_ his hair, he wouldn’t be surprised if he would get hissed and spat at as soon as his fingers wander close enough to those locks. They’d feel so nice beneath his fingers, soft and conditioned as they glide over his skin, slight tangles from the course of the day reminding him that something divine could truly imitate the human form and do it so well it surpasses most people he’s seen…

He’s fantasizing again. Jack looks down at the noodles he’s been cooking in the pot in front of him, daring to taste one. Still undercooked, thank fuck. He wouldn’t hear the end of that one if his thoughts had gotten out of hand.

He still can’t believe that he’s doing this. This is something romantic comedies do, albeit with too much drama and shenanigans. But here he stands, Jack Morrison, respected soldier for 17 years, cooking lasagna for the housemate to whom he can’t admit he’s fallen for.

He’s been making the effort to transform his cooking into something Gabriel appreciates more, following the old stereotype his mother taught him after he came out.

“Well, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” That was all she said before taking a sip of coffee and ruffling his hair. His father had laughed, slinging an arm around her shoulder.

“You’re damn right,” was his response. Jack feels a twinge of loneliness as he stands at the stove making sure the pot doesn’t boil over. He should call more often. They deserve more than a son who only makes an effort when he can work up the energy.

A hand on his shoulder startles him out of his reverie, and he jumps for a moment before he realizes it’s Gabriel. He’s pretty sure the angel didn’t sneak up on him this time, just that he simply wasn’t paying enough attention to the sound of feet padding through the apartment.

“Didn’t mean to scare ya,” comes the response. Gabe looks over his shoulder at the noodles, noticing the other bowls on the counter of red and white sauces. Jack is suddenly aware of how _close_ the other man is, startled even more by the fact that he’s comfortable with it.

Gabriel has been surprisingly touchy lately, brushing shoulders with him in the kitchen, sitting next to him on the couch so their knees bump sometimes. He even clung to Jack when they forayed into the horror genre one night. The vet enjoyed that a little too much, especially the tight grip on his bicep. What he wouldn’t give to have those hands on him again.

“Earth to Jackie, you might wanna check the fuckin’ noodles.”

He jerks out of his fantasy of watching Gabe’s strong hands smooth over his paler skin to notice that the pot is boiling a bit too much, turning down the heat. “Nice save,” he mutters, prepared to blame the heat in his cheeks on the steam roiling up from the stove.

Gabriel snickers and pats him on the back. “What would you do without me?”

Jack snorts. “Nothing bad, since I’d have nobody to cook for but myself. Thus, nobody to burn down my kitchen for.” Inside, he realizes the depth of that little comment. It’s more than having nobody to cook for. It’s too much more. It’s the thought of waking up to an empty couch, oppressive silence reminding him of everything he had and never had at the same time. The remembrance of the familiar lilting voice wafting down the hall, the eyes and laugh that haunt his dreams.

He’s in way too fucking deep.

Jack strains the noodles and gets to work, preheating the oven while he layers the lasagna. His fingers get all kinds of stained with sauce as he muddles the lasagna together, cursing as a few bits of mozzarella fall to the floor. It isn’t something he’d have judges sniff and click their tongues at, but it’s not bad, at least. He shoves the dish in the oven and sets about cleaning up his mess.

After the floor is swept and the counters washed, he plops himself down on the couch with a groan, looking back at the timer. 20 minutes until he has to do anything. Perfect. More time to spend relaxing. With Gabriel. Saying nothing about his feelings. Ever.

As usual, he feels that familiar weight on the other side of the couch get closer, and this time Gabriel hangs his arms over the back of the couch. For a moment, Jack gets his hopes up, thinking that the angel might wrap his arm around his shoulders, but no such luck. They just stay there, elbows dangling loosely in the air.

Jack wonders if Gabriel knows that his heart kicks into high gear whenever the latter does anything around him lately. It’s been doing this ever since the epiphany he had while staring at his friend after they’d hugged for the first time. Jack chides himself for how childish he’s being, cataloguing everything like this.

Still, it’s monumental for him. Ana and Reinhardt are allowed to come into contact with him because they’ve dragged each other’s bleeding bodies to cover, shielding each other with their own beaten forms. Jack has watched Ana nearly end it all while recovering from her lost eye, watched Reinhardt talk to voices that aren’t really there. They’ve been to hell and back together, and he wouldn’t trade them for the world.

So yes, they’re allowed to hug him. His parents and brother are allowed to hug him. But Gabriel is something different. Something special. Jack hates and loves the way the angel has so easily weaseled his way into his heart, divine fingertips reaching forth and unlocking something within him that he’d tamped down a long time ago.

Yet, he probably doesn’t know anything. Perhaps he thinks Jack is merely anxious when his heart starts beating. Or that it really is just the heat when he starts to blush. If Gabe notices more, he hasn’t said anything as of yet. Still, it’s as if that single hug allowed some amount of progress to be made, whether either of them fully comprehend it.

If that’s all that Jack gets out of his time with Gabriel, then he’s more than happy to sustain himself with the little things. Things he’ll miss when the inevitable happens. When he’s alone again.

Before he can journey down that road, the timer that Jack’s set for the lasagna rings and he gets up, fully aware that he and Gabriel have been sitting in perfect silence for the entire 20 minutes. He appreciates it in a way, he thinks as he removes the foil from the casserole dish. So often he’s felt the need to speak in order to fend off the memories in his head that rear their ugly heads as soon as there’s quiet. With Gabriel, the familiar presence is enough. He tunes into more, listens to the angel’s breathing, the tapping sound of his fingers on the back of the couch, watches the man’s chest rise and fall in rhythm. Sometimes he thinks their breathing syncs up and takes an odd sort of pleasure out of it.

Jack stays in the kitchen this time, figuring ten minutes isn’t enough to warrant getting comfortable again. He hears shifting in the living room and looks over, only to catch the tail end of Gabriel turning his head. Wherever he was looking, it must not have been very interesting.

Being separated from Gabriel’s presence lets the silence claw at the corners of Jack’s mind, so he hums a small tune to distract himself from it. He can’t quite place a name on it, so he supposes it’s just something his mother passed onto him. She was always fond of singing, having run a little group class for the children at the elementary school close to the ranch. He wonders if she still plays her guitar.

The timer dings yet again and he removes the dish from the oven, hissing as the tip of his forefinger comes into contact with the hot glass that isn’t covered by the towel in his hands. He sucks on the wound as he uses his left hand to punch in the final ten minutes on the timer before running cold water on the burn. It’ll probably get nastier in due time, but it seems manageable for now. The things he goes through to make sure Gabriel is comfortable.

Though, knowing him, he’d probably scale mountains to make sure Gabriel feels comfortable. Even after taking into account that the angel can make himself as relaxed as he pleases.

Jack wraps his finger in a bandage with some ointment and hopes for the best. He’s had intimate experience with burns, so this is nothing compared to what he’s been through.

Ten minutes pass without preamble, and Jack awkwardly scoops the lasagna out of the dish onto plates with an old spatula, setting Gabriel’s plate in front of him first before going back for his own. It’s common courtesy, something his parents taught him, he tells himself. Nothing to do with the fact that he wants to see Gabriel’s signature smile, hear him say “thank you”, see the shine in those deep thoughtful eyes.

“Actually smells edible for once. Good going, Jackie.” He’ll settle for that. It’s Gabriel’s ‘special’ brand of compliment, after all.

“I’ve never gotten any complaints about my food until you started mooching off me. I’m starting to think you’re the weird one here, Gabe.”

“That’s because there’s nobody else like me. I’m forever trapped in normal-ass mortal food. Pity me.” He’s right, in some odd way. There _isn’t_ anyone else like Gabriel. At least, not for Jack. This is the first time he’s felt this strongly about anyone, and that’s counting the high school relationships he thought were serious at the time before he realized he was in goddamn high school.

The military didn’t leave much room for romance except for tiny flings between tours, so he clung to the friendships he made and the family he left behind until he got back from service. And then?

Then, there were the times he tries to forget every day. When he made bad decisions that weren’t healthy for him that he ended up regretting, pushing him deeper into a depressive state. He thought trying to survive the night in one piece would end when he set foot on American soil again. It sure as hell didn’t.

But Gabriel… he’s something special. It’s obvious that he is, at least on the surface. But below all those layers of emotions Jack has cleverly hidden away through the years lies something that yearns, cries out for attention like a lost child. He wants to cling to Gabe with every ounce of strength he has left, drag him down from whatever heavenly throne he rests on to stay here forever. He’d never admit that he’s being so selfish, at least, not to Gabriel.

Even admitting his feelings might push the angel away, who knows? Infatuation with a human is supposed to be against the rules, isn’t it? Then again, Gabriel has given evidence to the contrary. If he has a shot…

No. When would he ever have a shot? Gabriel’s something divine, high above anyone’s comprehension in the known universe. He’s just Jack. Extraordinary soldier, able to switch fluidly from weapon to weapon while still maintaining accuracy, record-holder for fastest time dismantling and reassembling his rifle. But he’s still Jack. He’s still human, he has an expiration date, and whatever happens to the soul after the body dies is unknown to him. Maybe he can beg Gabriel to keep his safe after he’s gone. To stow it away, like some great secret never to be shown to anyone else.

How selfish, to ask to be Gabe’s treasure.

“What a crybaby,” is all he says, shoving a helping of lasagna into his mouth to avoid further conversation.

***

The night is, how should he put it, interesting. Jack somehow gets it in his head to try something different, seeing as Gabriel left his beanie out on the coffee table just up for grabs. He’s been doing it rather often lately, ever since he slapped the thing on Jack’s head to see how it’d look. Not like Jack’s complaining.

The luscious brown locks are such a beautiful sight whenever they make an appearance. They bounce on Gabriel’s head just right whenever he sits down, and sometimes Jack gets a little starry-eyed watching the angel’s dexterous fingers carding through them whenever he’s thinking about something particularly taxing. What he wouldn’t give to replace those fingers with his own. Or better yet, move Gabe’s hands to his own head.

As he lays there, holding the worn-out beanie in his hands, he wonders what the hell he’s doing with himself. Gingerly rubbing his fingers against the ridges in a fabric hat, trying to imagine the head it’s usually on.

Curiosity strikes him, and Jack leans forward a little. God, if Gabe knew what he was doing… he presses the beanie to his face and inhales. So _that’s_ what Gabe’s hair smells like. It smells like it should, which is a relief. Like Jack’s own shampoo and the conditioner the angel made him buy. But for some reason it smells even _better_ when it’s attached to the man that constantly hangs in his mind’s eye.

He wonders if Gabriel’s skin smells the same way. Like his body wash, but better. What would Gabe naturally smell like? Perhaps he smells like nothing, as if his scent is erased by his mere existence as a heavenly being.

Scratch that. Jack’s been in close enough contact with his friend’s morning breath for that to be true. So he would smell like something, at least. Jack imagines what it would be like, trying to visualize what he’d need to _do_ to get that information. He’d have to get close, right in the personal space Gabe conveniently forgets about most of the time. He’d have to possibly pull that strong body just a bit closer, maybe even hold Gabe in his arms and press his face into the angel’s neck…

“Fuck,” Jack whispers into the night, the sound muffled by the hat still overwhelming his senses. He slaps his hand down on the bed, taking the beanie with it. He can’t do this. Not right now.

Though, he supposes it was a long time coming. He’s been noticing the _things_ Gabriel does on a regular basis far too much. The way he bites his lip when he’s concentrating, the stretching tendons in his neck when he goes to crack it, the flutter of his eyelashes when he’s surprised… everything melds together to create a cacophony of distraction for Jack to contend with.

It just serves to make him more and more frustrated. He thought his self-control was better than this. Then again, there isn’t anyone quite like Gabriel. Jack figures he should go somewhere with said frustration before he accidentally jumps Gabe’s bones one of these days. Though, there lies that fear that’s plagued him ever since he saw the first body ripped apart in front of him overseas. It’s the fear that prevents him from allowing anyone to look at his bare side except for Angela. The fear that keeps him up at night, sometimes screaming his head off and other times quietly sobbing into the pillow he’s taken to cradling in his arms.

Would Gabe even want him?

He’s seen the burn scar. It’s ugly, it crawls up his skin like a slowly advancing creature, it’s rough against his hands when he showers. There was a period of time after he got back where he didn’t care about it. He ignored it, pretended it didn’t exist, had a couple partners and told himself that he didn’t see looks of disdain or shock in their faces when he took his shirt off.

But they all wanted the army guy fantasy without any of the baggage. They wanted a nice romp without having to hold him at night. Ironically, Jack is a lot happier having shed his own denial. Looking at himself in the mirror and knowing that the burn is always going to be there is better than deluding himself into thinking he’s every bit the man he used to be.

It’s likely that Gabriel already knows about the scar, considering that he has information about Jack as part of his angelic duty. Perhaps he wouldn’t mind… maybe he wouldn’t flinch and just run his hands over it, treating it like what it is: part of Jack’s body.

There he goes fantasizing again. There must be some way to get rid of the tension, besides the obvious… Well, unless he goes for the obvious. He hasn’t in so long, maybe things have changed. The last time he tried doing anything to himself after his brief foray into promiscuity, he nearly threw up as soon as he tugged his shirt off. That was four years ago. Maybe it’s different now.

Jack rolls out of bed, sneaking into the living room and leaving the beanie as he found it. He’s not _that_ depraved as to use Gabriel’s clothing for his own pleasure. Then Gabriel would have every right to call him any amount of derogatory words. Nasty, filthy, and everything else. Though, he might just like if Gabe called him those things. In the right context, that is.

He tiptoes back to his own room and flops into bed, laying on his side for about five minutes contemplating whether he should actually _do_ this before biting the bullet and tugging his shirt over his head. It’s dark and he can’t really see himself, so it makes it a bit more bearable when he looks down. He tries to focus on the things that he’s proud of: his clearly defined abdominals, the dusting of chest hair leading down to his waistband. The fact that he’d already been pretty strong from helping out on the farm growing up.

Hell, if it weren’t for the other parts he’d even say he’s attractive. He kicks himself for bringing those into the equation. Angela’s no therapist, but she always tells him to focus on the positives. He’s pretty easy on the eyes, or so he’s been told.

The scars don’t exist right now. Just his face. With that, Jack takes several deep breaths, trying to calm his heart rate. He didn’t realize it had picked up until now, probably because he still can’t get over the fact that he’s actually _doing this_.

This being jerking off when there’s an all-knowing being presumably asleep in the next room. Jack shudders, imagining what shame Gabriel would impart upon him if he was ever caught. Or maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible. Maybe the angel was already listening in, hearing the stunted breaths Jack has already started to take. Maybe he’d open the door and catch him, only to fix him with the lustful gaze that lingers from Jack’s dreams… maybe Gabe would come in and join…

He realizes he’s been teasing his own chest with one hand, the other venturing even lower. His fingers tangle in the soft hairs that protrude slightly over the waistband of his sweatpants, and Jack looks down to notice that there’s a sizeable tent in the boxers he wore to bed. He bites his lip, accepting that Gabe’s got him all kinds of fucked up.

He abandons pinching one of his nipples to trail his hand down, tugging at his boxers as he lays there. The breaths he takes are poignant in the otherwise silent room, and he can hear little catches of his own voice as his fingers brush over the base of his cock. Slow. He’s determined to take it slow.

It’s so hard not to just take a hold of himself and get to work, but Jack powers through it. He needs this. He needs to get reacquainted from himself. Gabriel has all but slipped from his mind at this point. This is for himself and nobody else. For now.

He avoids the burn, not touching it for fear of ruining this whole affair. Just as an experiment, he closes his eyes. Imagines someone else’s hands on him. Strong hands, worn by unseen trials, contrasting against his alabaster skin as they touch, closer and closer to-

No. He can’t. It’s too much to imagine other hands close to where he’s most insecure. He shakes his head free of the intrusive thoughts, focusing back on the feeling of his own skin under his own hands. He teases at the coarse hairs under his waistband, feeling the contours and heat of his body. He’s almost painfully hard by the time he works up the courage to shuck his boxers down to his knees, finally exploring himself more.

He lets out a gasp that rings in the silence of the room as soon as he licks a stripe up his palm and wraps a hand around himself. God, it’s been too long since he’s done this. It feels _amazing_ , as if he forgot what it feels like to pleasure himself. The fingers currently running through his happy trail migrate back up, and he feels his muscles contract as he pinches his nipple again.

It’s no use trying to edge himself while he’s like this. He can try more complicated things later. Right now he needs to prove to himself that he can indeed still get off. His hips begin to thrust gently into his fist, small sounds escaping him that he’s forgotten he can make. What he wouldn’t give to have Gabriel do this to him. Hell, he could do anything he wanted within reason. Just thinking about it, now that he’s fully in the mood… he skips the foreplay, skips Gabriel looking at his naked chest, squeezes his eyes shut at the same time as he puts even more pressure on his dick.

Fuck, maybe Gabriel would even suck him off… the image of that snarky mouth on him while those pretty eyes never leave his… he has to pause, panting hard. Almost lost it there.

Jack starts it up again, not even caring that he’s probably making more noise than he should. Gabe wouldn’t be able to hear all the way in the living room, but maybe he wants Gabe to hear. Maybe if Gabe was doing the same thing to himself Jack could watch with his permission.

He wonders what the other man looks like down there. He longs to see the rest of that soft-looking hair, see what it looks like on the rest of Gabe’s body. The angel has been quite secretive with his nudity, if the beanie is any indication. He’s rarely stretched his back enough for his shirt to ride up and when he has, Jack has only caught a glimpse of that gorgeous skin from behind. It’s a very nice behind. He can envision the way most of Gabe’s pants stretch to contain it, the way Gabe cocks his hip to the side when he’s trying to act smart and there’s the most delicious-looking bounce… Jack’s hand speeds up, pumping his cock in quick strokes. His hips twitch with the rhythm of it, and he can feel himself already nearing the edge. Fuck, it’s too good…

“Gabriel,” he whispers, his teeth clenched. His wrist twists just a bit on the upward stroke, and it drags against his head ever so slightly, making the muscles in his thighs seize up.

What would Gabe sound like? Would he say Jack’s name?

The thought of Gabriel’s voice calling out for him in a pleasured lilt is what sends Jack over the edge. He curses in a strangled whisper and his mouth hangs open as he cums, his other hand snapping down to make sure none of it gets on the sheets. The pleasure is so much more intense than he remembers, and he fools himself into thinking it’s just because he hasn’t done anything in a while. Not because he’s been fantasizing about Gabriel doing anything and everything to him. His eyes flutter open, labored breaths escaping him as he lies there, completely spent.

It’s suddenly very hot in his bedroom, and he throws the covers off and sits up, trying to get his bearings. He’s acutely aware of how very exposed he is, and though Gabriel’s probably still asleep, he can’t take any chances. He reaches for his shirt, groaning a little too loudly when he grabs ahold of it with the wrong hand, getting it covered in his own cum.

He mutters angrily to himself all the way to the laundry basket, slamming the shirt down before washing his hands. At least Gabriel isn’t doing laundry or going through his clothes, as far as he knows. That’d be something awkward to explain. He can see it now; Gabriel would tease him, ask him who he was thinking about when he was doing it.

The Jack he creates in his mind, the smooth Jack that doesn’t have an awkward bone in his body, would take it in stride. Would get in Gabriel’s space and hold him by the waist, teasing his thumbs at the deep line of the angel’s hips. Would lean forward and press their bodies together, whispering “I was thinking about you” into one of Gabe’s ears.

Real Jack would try the same thing and fumble it, promptly making an excuse to uproot and move house afterwards. Not like it would do any good when escaping from an all-powerful being.

Jack flops back onto his bed after making sure there isn’t any leftover evidence on his sheets before curling up for the night. The scar he hates so much is safely under his clothing again, and he holds a tiny nugget of pride within himself that he survived exploring his body without breaking down and screaming. Baby steps.

Doing it with a real person would probably kill him. For now, he’ll keep his to his imagination. Maybe steal Gabriel’s beanie for a little more sensory information. For science.

Jack sighs, stretches and winces when he hears a pop in his back that definitely wasn’t there before, and settles down into his mattress. For the first time in a while, he actually feels tired before bed. Passing out after a breakdown is one thing. Actually going to sleep is always a trial.

Maybe all he needed was a little stress relief, he thinks as he shuts his eyes and curls up under his blankets.

He’s awoken to the distinct sensation of someone carding their fingers through his hair. He jolts upright, whipping his head from side to side only to be met with his empty room. He hates that feeling of suspicion when he wakes up; it reminds him too much of when he used to be greeted with gunfire in the morning.

As it stands, it’s still dark outside, and the clock reads 1:54 in the morning. Not too long after he fell asleep, then. Curiosity strikes him and he slides out of bed, padding down the hall and peering over the back of the couch. Gabriel is in his usual position, tiny little snores escaping him at various points. His beanie is right where he left it, but there’s an odd quiet to the room that seems out of place.

He’s been trained for this. His hearing is above average, and he can hear most disturbances to the clandestine silence that hangs over the living room. Gabriel’s expression is almost troubled, and Jack wonders if the angel ever dreams.

No sounds of an accelerated heartbeat, though. He supposes he was just imagining things after all. The only sounds upsetting the ambience of the night are the soft footsteps of a neighbor outside along with the ever-present buzzing of the refrigerator.

Jack sighs, a soft smile teasing at his lips as he leans on the back of the couch. He’s learned his lesson about putting his hands anywhere near Gabriel without his consent, so he just… watches. Pays attention to the miniscule movements of facial muscles underneath the angel’s face. The twitches of his beard whenever he breathes particularly fast or moves his mouth in his sleep.

Gabriel’s chest rises and falls rhythmically, and Jack wants to press his face up against it, see if the man has a heartbeat at all. Maybe it’d lull him to sleep if he listened hard enough. Gabe has one hand on his stomach and the other is draped lazily over the arm of the couch by his head. That’ll be a bitch to deal with in the morning if he experiences blood loss. Then again, Gabriel could probably deny basic human function at the drop of a hat. Lucky bastard.

It’s 2:13 when Jack finally returns to bed, gravity pulling at his eyelids once more. Even if he can’t lie on top of Gabe and listen to his breathing, to his heart, he can at least watch from a distance. Maybe that’ll be enough.

***

It’s not enough.

That much becomes increasingly clear as the days wear on. Jack is fully committed to his work during the week, but in the evenings he’s tormented by his own hopeless longing for his friend. His _friend_ , of all goddamn things. To go from considering himself a stereotypical lone-wolf veteran type to being hopelessly in love with Gabriel is quite the transformation, if he thinks about it.

The angel _did_ promise him things. Though, he’s pretty sure this isn’t what Gabe had in mind.

He hides it pretty well, all things considered. Though he returns the closeness Gabriel blesses him with in kind, he takes great care in making sure none of is suggestive in any way. If all he can have from the angel is a trusting friendship, then that’s all he’ll take. It’s either that, or try to convince Gabe to leave for his own good.

Jack wants to think that’ll never happen.

His own self-exploration has improved his image, at least. He’s able to look at himself in the mirror for more than five minutes without feeling the distinct urge to vomit. It’s a little disorienting on bad days, looking in the mirror and reminding himself that yes, he happens to inhabit this body and for some reason wears this face.

Gabriel notices the recent changes, he can tell. He can always tell when the angel is watching him, or at least he thinks he does. Gabe has such a critical eye that it’s hard to miss, especially when he can sense the angel’s gaze on the back of his head whenever he’s feeling particularly proud of his progress. Maybe Gabe’s just tracking him so he knows when his job gets to end. When the contract is up.

Upon that realization, Jack selfishly neglects the healthier things he could be doing. Takes the scenic route. Anything to make Gabriel stay just a little longer. He might be insufferable at times, especially when he demands that Jack throw a post- _post_ -Halloween party, but matching wits with him is something Jack wouldn’t exchange for the world.

It’s why Jack agrees to host a little Christmas party with Reinhardt and Ana without worrying about Gabe being in their presence. He figures the sniper has all but forgotten about her theories about his and Gabe’s secret romance by now, so it should be safe to let them come over again. Though, considering his current emotional state, Ana has probably been one step ahead of him the whole time.

When Jack leans over the couch and waves the couple’s RSVP in front of Gabe’s face, the angel immediately perks up. “Hell yeah, those guys know how to have fun. Especially the big one. Best hugs ever.”

“Yeah, Rein’s pretty great with that. He’s more cuddly than you, I’d say.” Gabriel fixes him with a stare and grabs his shoulder. Jack flinches a tiny bit, trying not to shift awkwardly. Sudden movements, even from Gabe, still startle him.

“Hey. _Hey._ You fuckin’ take that back.” The serious tone Gabe sports puts Jack off for a moment, before he smirks and shoves Gabe’s hand away.

“I’m just saying, nobody can compete with him, no matter how ethereal you might be. It’s just science.” Gabe surges forward and hops over the back of the couch. Jack nearly raises his arms in a defensive stance before he has his arms occupied with his friend’s large frame.

“Take. It. _Back_.” If Gabriel’s trying to hug him into submission, it isn’t working. Jack just pats him on the head, taking a moment to feel those luscious curls slip through his fingers.

“You’ll have to do better than _that_. I told you, there’s no way you can beat him.” Jack shoves out of Gabriel’s arms and uses the momentum to grab the angel and put him in a fireman’s carry. The yelp that escapes Gabriel is surprisingly satisfying as he falls lip, his arms dangling dangerously close to Jack’s rear.

The vet turns tail and plods towards the bedroom, the sounds of his feet amplified by the extra weight. He’s surprised he can still carry anyone, let alone Gabriel.

“Oh, take me to bed, Jackie,” Gabe croons, swooning and twisting around in Jack’s arms. As much as the blonde would fucking adore throwing his friend on the bed and showing him a few things, that isn’t quite what he has planned.

He sets Gabe down on his own two feet with at _thump_ and walks to his closet. He shoves aside hanger after hanger, eventually taking every piece of clothing he owns and shoving it to the side. The fabric settles and Jack beckons Gabe closer, seeing the look of horror dawn on the angel’s face as he observes the hidden clothes at the back of the closet. Clothes Jack only takes out for special occasions.

“Take your pick,” he says with a devious smirk.

***

Shoving Gabriel into an ugly sweater is one of the more exciting things Jack’s experienced recently. The angel hisses and protests like a nobody else, trying to wriggle out of the itchy garment, but Jack has the upper hand. Gabe refused to pick, refused to go anywhere _near_ the sweaters when he first saw Jack’s collection, so he gets Rudolph and that’s that.

It’s quite a sight, seeing his friend pick at the green knitting, flicking at the little puffball that represents the nose. The reindeer itself looks rather deranged, but the sweater is one of Jack’s favorites. Plus, it’s an excuse to make Gabriel wear his clothes, even if he hasn’t worn these for quite a while.

Jack sports a blue sweater with snowflakes in layered patterns. It wouldn’t even be ugly if not for the bright red and green candy canes adorning the back. He whistles a tune to himself as he lights evergreen-scented candles all around the house, setting out dishes for the meal he’s prepared. Gabriel actually helps this time, albeit begrudgingly. Turns out the angel is a good mixer, so Jack puts him in charge of folding ingredients into the stuffing and the like.

Reinhardt promised to bring dessert, so Jack doesn’t bother with that. Less monetary pressure on him, anyway. He simply takes care of the turkey and even pulls out his mother’s recipe for potatoes au gratin in case anyone’s interested. Ana can handle cheesy dishes in small doses, but Rein always has been a fan and Gabriel has never turned down mac and cheese.

He’s putting the finishing touches on the place settings when the downstairs buzzer rings. It seems a bit early, but he figures he just thinks it is because he took so long. He would’ve been done sooner but the napkin rings cost $5 each and there’s no way in hell he isn’t using them. However, the napkins wouldn’t fit through the rings until he swallowed his pride and let Gabriel do it.

To his surprise, the door doesn’t open to reveal Ana and Reinhardt as he previously thought. In fact, they text him to let him know they’ll be late just as he turns the knob. It’s Jesse, looking rather nervous and shifting from side to side. He’s clad in a fluffy coat that seems much too big for him, heavy earmuffs over his head, still somehow sitting under the cowboy hat.

“Hey there,” he says meekly. “Was passin’ through and wonderin’ if you had room for one more?” He’s a tiny bit skinnier than Jack remembers, and he curses inwardly at whoever refuses to feed this kid. Jesse seems to be preoccupied with the sweaters, stifling a laugh behind his hand.

“Please tell me y’all haven’t been wearin’ those all season.”

Jack looks down, pulling his sweater away from himself to look at it. Damn, it’s horrid. “Nah. Just tonight, since we’re having some friends over. You’re welcome to stay, but you’ll have to put one on.”

Gabriel sidles up to him, still looking entirely out of place in his stupid fucking sweater. “Hey, kid. You look like could use a decent meal. Get in here, we probably have another chair somewhere.”

“Nah, I’ll just sit on the floor,” Jesse says with a shrug as he follows Jack down to the closet. Once there, he holds onto the latter’s shoulder as he convulses with quiet laughter. “How the hell’d you get him in one of those?!”

Jack waggles his fingers and pats Jesse on the back. “Magic. Also, I like to think he doesn’t hate my guts at this point.”

“Oh, he said some mighty nice things about’cha when I broke in. Don’t you worry.” Jack stands there stunned as Jesse rifles through his closet, eventually picking the sweater with the haphazardly stitched tree on it. He set his coat and earmuffs down on Jack’s bed at the latter’s instruction and gets to work. At first, he tries to fit the sweater over his hat, and Jack snorts at how miserably he fails.

Still, he can’t help but wonder. What did Gabriel say about him? There’s no way he could ask, but he can’t help but be curious.

Jesse tugs the sweater over his frame. It dwarfs his lower half, but his shoulders are pretty comparable to Jack. He has a sturdy figure, he just needs to eat more so it can fill out. The kid regards him with enthusiasm in his eyes, as if this is the first party he’s ever enjoyed. Either that, or he’s trying to please Jack so he can get at the beverages. Probably both.

“Alright, go mingle,” Jack orders him with a pat on the back. “My old buddies should be here soon. Don’t curse in front of Ana, and don’t ask either of them about their eyes.”

“Aye, cap’n,” Jesse says with a little smirk, mock saluting Jack before scampering out of his bedroom. Jack follows in a moment, still caught up in what “mighty nice things” Gabriel said about him. Could the angel actually hold him in high regard?

He doesn’t have time to dwell on it, as Jesse has somehow already dug into the fridge and gotten some cheap eggnog that Jack bought for the occasion. He wrests the glass out of the kid’s grip, much to the dismay of him and Gabe, who has hitherto been chanting “chug, chug, chug” and pumping his fists.

“No alcohol,” he growls at Jesse, who visibly shrinks, smiling weakly and putting his hands in the air.

“Easy,” he says as he slinks out from under Jack’s arm and joins Gabriel on the couch. The vet sighs and carefully pours the drink back in the container, shoving into the fridge. Hopefully Ana will balance out the bad influences in this damn house.

Speak of the devil, the buzzer rings again and Jack rushes to the door, throwing himself at his friends. He notes the progress he’s made with that as well. Usually he waits for them to make the first move, to hug _him_ first so he can shirk responsibility for needing that comfort. He doesn’t care anymore. He’s seen these two bump shoulders with death too many times and he’s not about to give up precious time because of his own pride.

“I missed you,” he murmurs into someone’s shoulder, he’s not sure which.

Ana chuckles and pats his head. “We missed you too, Jack. I hope you and Gabriel have been doing well.” There’s a cheeky tone in her voice that reminds Jack that of course she didn’t forget her theories. He should know that by now.

“We’re fine, everything’s fine.” He mentions nothing about his infatuation as of late. He still has _some_ dignity left, and he’s not about to admit to the sniper that she was right all along. “There’s actually someone I’d like for you to meet, though.”

He pokes his head into the living room and beckons Jesse over. The kid rises up and hurries up to him and his friends, tipping his hat at both of them with a sly “howdy” that makes Jack want to bang his head against a wall. He apparently wasn’t taught how to make a good first impression.

Ana simpers behind a hand and pats Jesse on the back. Jack groans at the blush he sees rise to the kid’s cheeks. “What a charmer,” she says and he swears steam pours out of Jesse’s ears.

“Yeah, he broke into my house trying to find somewhere to stay. Turns out he’s actually a pretty decent kid.” Jack smacks Jesse upside the head, keeping it gentle just so he can remind the kid of who’s in charge here. These are _his_ friends.

Reinhardt lets out a boisterous laugh. “What a story! You get yourself into the strangest situations, Jack.” He holds out his hand for Jesse to shake. “Reinhardt Wilhelm, pleased to meet you. This lovely woman is my fiancée, Ana.”

Jack stops in his tracks. “Fiancée? You’re _engaged_?!” He lets out a shout of joy, clapping his hands together. “That’s amazing!”

Ana shows him the ring on her finger. It’s a gorgeous thing, a sapphire in the middle surrounded by carefully crafted metal.

“We got engaged a week ago, and we wanted to wait until we were here to tell you,” she tells him. Jack sniffles a bit, swearing that he won’t cry again before he gives both his friends a hug.

“That’s adorable,” Gabriel yells from his place on the couch. He hops up and holds out his arms. “Good to see you again. I see you’ve met the little ingrate already.” He grimaces at the ugly sweaters that Ana and Reinhardt are wearing. They make quite the little group, all hooked up with their shitty clothes and ready to eat.

“Let’s stop crowding the hallway and actually eat before everything gets cold, shall we?” Ever the reasonable voice, Ana is. Jack chuckles and holds his arms out for all the coats, showing everyone to their seats. Ana and Reinhardt squeeze onto the couch, Jack takes a chair and so does Jesse, and Gabriel just sits cross-legged on the floor. It’s surprisingly selfless, and Jack wants to thank him but he can’t say anything without making it weird. He doesn’t want to make it weird. Not yet.

Jack serves up everyone’s meal and raises his glass for a toast. He even lets Jesse have a tiny bit of eggnog.

“Alright, now, I know this little ragtag get-together is kinda weird. Ana, Reinhardt, and myself have been through some hard times, ones that didn’t really have the light at the end of the tunnel. Not that we could see, anyway. We all have our demons and they followed us home from overseas and sometimes it seems like I could just keel over and mine wouldn’t hesitate in eating me alive. But we’re right here, right now, and we’re drinking bad eggnog with some strange people that fell into my life, some more recently than others.” He tips his glass to Jesse and Gabriel before continuing. “I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because all of you have decided to stick with someone as lost as me, even though I can probably wear on your nerves at the best of times. So, thanks for giving me something to believe in again, I suppose.”

He clears his throat awkwardly, but Ana has tears in her eyes and Reinhardt raises his glass with a nod. Jesse chuckles and tips his glass, knocking back the eggnog like an old pro. Jack doesn’t look at Gabriel. He refuses to see whatever reaction he’s displaying.

Ana starts up a spirited conversation with Jesse once they’re done clinking glasses and wiping their eyes, and Jack fixates on a very interesting piece of turkey on his plate. He can feel Gabriel’s eyes on him. He always can these days.

He tunes into the words being exchanged between Jesse and Ana instead, watching them talk. Jesse seems to have gotten over his shyness, and is now gesturing wildly as he holds his fork in the air. Jack steadies his hand gently before he gets back to his own meal.

“I never took you for the fatherly type,” Reinhardt chuckles.

Jack blushes and points to Jesse. “That one’s an exception. Someone’s gotta make sure he turns out okay.”

He almost misses the fleeting gratitude on Jesse’s face. Whoever ‘takes care’ of him at home apparently doesn’t have the same interests in mind.

Gabriel stays surprisingly quiet throughout dinner, though Jack gets that strange sensation of being watched constantly. It’s just like when he’s outside without knowing where the angel is in relation to himself. He’ll have to talk to Gabe about doing that. He hasn’t been made uncomfortable by it in a long time, but he should check in to make sure the angel isn’t doing it to anyone else. No, he wouldn’t be jealous if Gabriel’s eyes were on someone else.

Ana almost gets upset at him for teaching Jesse how to manage his pistol, but the kid quickly explains his situation at home and she acquiesces. Jack feels bad for him, though; poor guy looked like he was about to pass out in the face of Ana’s anger.

Gabe gets a bit more talkative once the eggnog is about halfway used up, not because he’s drunk but because everyone else loses their boundaries a bit. Jesse is surprisingly unaffected by it, and Jack makes a mental note to check in with him before he loses himself to the jovial mood of the room. Reinhardt’s booming laugh holds a special place in his heart, and they’re all at the point where they can let go of things past and spend this time together as a wayward little family.

It’s well into the night before he suggests that they take a photo to commemorate this moment. Jack sets up his phone on the coffee table before the movie starts and snaps a picture of all of them looking comfortable and happy together. He doesn’t take enough pictures, even though he intimately understands how fleeting life can be.

Once Jack gets a shot that Ana is satisfied with, he moves the chairs and table and throws a blanket onto the floor to watch a movie. By now, he’s sufficiently buzzed and would like nothing more than a chance to be in even closer proximity to Gabriel. Ana and Reinhardt still use the couch, Jesse keeps his chair and puts his feet up on the other one, and Jack and Gabe take the floor.

It’s some Christmas flick that isn’t bad, but isn’t good either, and Jack only half pays attention. The rest of his focus is diverted to Gabriel’s face. He’s wearing his beanie in front of the guests, and Jack feels his ears and cheeks heat up as he imagines pulling the angel’s hair. As it is, he can just barely see the outline of the scars on Gabe’s face. He’s jealous, in a way. The marks make his friend look even more ruggedly handsome, and it’s offset by his long, feathery eyelashes that frame the most beautiful irises…

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Jack whispers before he can catch himself.

The air in the room turns ice cold. It’s almost as if someone has encased Jack’s ears in an airtight jar, as everything seems muffled, from the movie to his own breathing. His heart hammers away in his chest, getting even worse as Gabriel’s head turns towards him in slow motion.

Jesse seems to be giggling to himself, and Ana and Reinhardt are looking at each other knowingly. Gabe just looks...

He looks… hopeful.

“I know,” the angel says with a pompous air, and the balloon of dead sound around Jack’s ears suddenly pops and the room is alive again. He breathes a sigh of relief and leans back, accidentally brushing Gabe’s shoulder. He doesn’t pull away.

“And with that, I believe we’ve overstayed our welcome,” Ana announces loudly. Jack knows he’ll be getting an ‘I told you so’ text tomorrow. Nevertheless, he gets up and gives his two friends one last hug, closing his eyes and trying to hide his embarrassment between their bodies before they wave and the door shuts behind them.

Jesse stays, curled up in a chair and looking very comfortable. “Mind if I stay here? Outside ain’t the best place to be right now.”

“Sure, kid. Don’t break anything.” Jack flops down on the couch and Gabe joins him, complaining about how the floor hurts his tailbone. Jack snorts. He should have enough cushioning down there for that not to be the case.

Jack takes one more sip of eggnog before his glass is drained, and the movie ends up becoming one big blur by the time he falls asleep. He turned off the lights at the start of it, so it’s easy to just let go and succumb to exhaustion.

He wakes up the next morning slowly and comfortably. He’s leaning on something, which didn’t do his back any favors, but there’s a blanket over him and a note where Jesse had presumably fallen asleep. He attempts to get up and read it before he notices the weight on his shoulder.

He turns his head sleepily to see a mess of curls resting on him, their owner looking quite peaceful while asleep.

Jack freezes.

He can’t move. He can’t wake Gabriel and let him know that they accidentally fell asleep on each other. Lord, spare him the mortification. Even now, he feels the angel stir and fuck, he didn’t think about how nice that hair would feel tickling his neck.

He shuts his eyes tight, praying that Gabriel won’t avoid him after this. He feels the weight lift off of him and allows his body to go limp, keeling over once the angel rises up and whines a little as he presumably stretches his muscles.

Jack feels the blanket on top of him get readjusted so he has room to breathe, and hears the telltale clinking of glasses as Gabriel takes them into the kitchen and begins to wash them. His heart aches with these small acts of kindness, knowing that he could never tell Gabe how he feels.

He fakes waking up naturally, groaning and working the kinks out of his back, much to the dismay of his friend.

“You should really get that looked at,” Gabriel says noncommittally from where he’s washing the dishes. Jack laughs and brings the rest of the plates into the kitchen, figuring they can make this a team effort.

“I don’t have the time. My doctor’s not a chiropractor either.”

“Shame.”

They finish in silence, and Jack can almost taste the tension in the air. He can’t talk about it. He can’t say anything about his miniature confession last night, nor the way he’s been pining for this man for too long now.

He stays silent and returns to his room, retrieving the small present he made for this occasion. “Got you something,” he says, tossing it Gabriel’s way. The angel catches it, unwrapping the little box with a curious expression.

He starts laughing as soon as he sees the little wooden figurine. It’s an ornament, an angel to be exact. It’s not the best, but Jack didn’t relearn how to whittle for nothing. The angel has a beanie on its head, and little asymmetrical wings on either side of its body. It’s wearing a hoodie, or at least an approximation of one, and has a permanent scowl on its face with little angry eyebrows that Jack had too much fun painting on.

It’s undeniably Gabriel.

“You’re the fuckin’ best, Jackie.” The vet beams, crossing his arms and trying not to look like his heart just soared in his chest.

“I try. Figured you’re into ironic shit, so this is what I came up with.”

Gabriel fixes him with the best smile Jack could ask for, and he nearly dies right then and there. “It’s perfect,” he says.

Fuck, Jack doesn’t know how much longer he’ll last.

***

It’s only a few days into the new year that Jack reaches a breaking point. He slams the door behind him and groans into the empty living room, running his hands down his face. It’s been a terrible day, but at least he has a home to come back to and a friend that just happens to live with him for the time being.

A friend that is currently not where he usually is. Jack’s blood runs cold as he immediately begins to search through the house, finding no trace of Gabriel anywhere. It’s infuriating because the angel has no evidence of his being here since he changes his clothes on a whim as well as his form.

Jack starts pacing immediately, trying to distract himself with thoughts that turn morbid soon enough. He can’t take the suspense any longer and picks up his phone, searching through his contacts before he remembers that Gabe doesn’t even _have_ a phone. He’s in the dark and he didn’t realize how painful this would be.

It’s like being on the battlefield again. It’s like being lost in the marshes, unable to find his team. It’s radio silence, not knowing whether he’ll make it back alive.

It’s everything, but it hurts even more because his routine is shaken and he has no way to fix it. Gabriel has become his routine and he hates it.

He wanders over to the kitchen and lays his head down on the cool granite, breathing deeply and trying to push the anxiety out of his own body by sheer force of will alone. A part of him thinks that this is probably something unhealthy, but his situation is different. His situation deals with an angel that had to break the pattern he’s enjoyed thus far and scare the living daylights out of him.

He’s not sure how much time passes before he hears a tapping at his window. He looks over to see a small black squirrel with an inordinately fluffy tail sitting on his windowsill, and he rushes over. It scuttles in as soon as he allows it to, and Gabriel is standing right in front of him not a moment later.

Jack steps forward and hugs him tighter than he ever has before.

He hears a light chuckle and only increases his force. “What’s up, boy scout? You feelin’ alright?”

“Don’t scare me like that,” Jack growls and Gabriel stiffens.

“Sorry about that. Had some stuff I needed to get done before I got back.” Jack idly wonders what it is the angel could be doing, but he pushes it out of his mind and tries not to think about the fact that he legitimately thought Gabriel would up and leave like that. He had at least thought there’d be some sort of goodbye.

He knows it’s not a matter of _if_ Gabe will leave, it’s a matter of _when._ A contract is a contract, and his is bound to run out some day. One day he _will_ come back and there’ll be no friendly face waiting for him. There’ll be no sarcastic voice floating through the air, beckoning him with its mere existence.

He knows has to tell Gabriel before he never gets the chance.

Though, perhaps it’s best for him to give the angel an out. Maybe now is the time to take action. Maybe it’d be better for Gabe to just get out of his life so Jack can forget about him. There must be some law-abiding part of the angel, anyway. Not that Gabe would ever consider…

“Jack, talk to me. You’re spacing out again, what’s wrong?” Jack realizes he’s just been standing with his face buried in Gabriel’s hoodie for about five minutes now. He pulls away and wraps his arms around himself, figuring that it’s now or never.

In reality, he knows he could never forget someone like Gabe, but perhaps it’ll be less painful if he knows the angel got the hell out of dodge before it’s too late.

"You need to get out of here," Jack whispers. It's a plea on soft lips, something desperate, because fuck, he's fallen for Gabriel and there's nothing he can do.

There's silence for a moment, and it crushes Jack's heart to see the expression on Gabe's face. The mouth so often upturned in a smirk droops forlornly, his arms still outstretched where he was holding Jack in their hug.

"Why?" It's almost hurt, the way it falls from Gabe's mouth, and Jack cringes inside because there's no way he would want to hurt this beautiful creature. Is his angel disappointed that he can't stay here? Maybe his confession will push him away, will make him see that he shouldn't be around someone who wants to hide him away from his eternity of duty, steal him all to himself.

"I think I want you more than I should." Jack squeezes his eyes shut and waits for the inevitable. He waits for Gabriel's holy fury, his condescending voice assaulting the lowly human that dares want for his affection.

He gets nothing but that soft voice pulling him back, it's pulling him back like it always does. "Sit down," the voice commands. Jack sits. "I... may have been a little less than honest with you."

Jack looks over, stunned. Gabriel hasn't told him everything? What the hell does that mean? A million questions press at the corners of his brain, but then Gabe holds his hand and his heart stops.

The angel takes a deep breath, releases with a shudder that makes Jack's chest ache even more, and begins.

"I'm... sort of in trouble. A lot of fuckin' trouble. Do you remember when I told you that I do my job in multiple places at the same time?" Jack nods. It's a point of contention for his self-deprecation whenever he wonders if he could have his friend all to himself.

"Well, my job is pretty nasty. Full of people using my name to start wars and assassinate peaceful icons. I  _am_ conflict, in a sense." Jack tenses. He's not sure how to feel about Gabriel's role in his tours. In the fighting that almost cost him his life. "I'm conflict and hope at the same time, because nothing can exist without balance," The angel continues. "I'm tugged around so often, shoving worlds into their apocalypses because that's just my  _job_. And it only takes watching so many worlds die before you stop caring."

No wonder Gabe always keeps that air of nonchalance. He  _can't_ get invested or it'd destroy him like it probably did before.

"I hated what I had to do. Hated myself, really. So I just kept going and lost interest in the lives that I was supposed to love and protect. And then I forgot that certain folks were paying attention." Gabriel squeezes Jack's hand and he's brought back to the present. He's uncomfortably aware of how close they are at this point, of how the angel's gaze hasn't left his face the whole time.

"When things reach a breaking point, something's gotta give. So, I got punished. I was forced to watch what I'd been doing. Watch what I hadn't been paying attention to. Reacquaint myself with the suffering of the people I was supposed to protect, I guess. So, that's what I did. I picked a planet, picked a war, sat my ass down and just... watched.

"At first it didn't seem like anything special. People killing each other, big deal. Got a slap on the wrist for telling that to the big guy. So I went back, picked another war on another world, and decided to follow one single person around. Lemme tell ya, he was an upstart. Full of energy that I couldn't wait to see crushed out of him." Jack flinches. That part is a little close to home.

"He did so well, though. Too well. They kept putting him on harder and harder missions and I couldn't believe that I actually started rooting for the guy. Had a bit of a crisis when I stopped watching for a minute only to look back and see some of the life drain from his eyes." It's becoming uncanny at this point. Jack hopes Gabriel has a point because he's becoming uncomfortable with the way that all of this seems so... he can't quite put his finger on it.

Gabe is still watching him, though. "I don't really remember when I started loving him. Maybe it's when he had his twenty-first birthday and I actually saw him smile genuinely for the first time. I still remember his laugh when his sniper friend told him a joke and he covered his face like he shouldn't be laughing..."

Jack puts his finger on it. "You were there," he whispers.

Gabriel smiles. "I was always there."

Jack nearly sobs. Gabriel doesn't seem to be finished though, but his other hand comes up to grip Jack's forearm. "I watched you break and nearly die, and I couldn't believe I was still so weak for someone mortal. I couldn't do anything about it because I'd get my ass smote but if you think I'd pass up the opportunity to at least see you in the flesh when you got back from service you're insane. Didn't know what I was expecting when I came down here but for what it's worth, I'm glad I met you and I'm so selfish to ask this of you, but..."

Gabriel's hands, for the first time, touch Jack's cheeks. He can't bring himself to push them away, as it's almost as if Gabe couldn't control himself. The angel's face, beautiful scars and long eyelashes and everything else, draws nearer, and Jack can feel soft puffs of breath against his lips. Soft facial hair tickles against his skin, he sees near-invisible flecks of gold in Gabriel's eyes, and he's so lost now.

“Please,” Gabriel whispers reverently, “ _please_ let me have you.”

Jack can’t take it anymore and surges forward, pressing his lips to Gabriel’s and tangling his fingers in those curls he’s been lusting after for far too long. Gabe makes a sound, a fucking beautiful sound and pushes back with equal force. He’s just as strong, just as eager, just as able to match Jack in everything he does and it’s the most satisfying thing he’s ever felt.

His eyes slip shut and so do the angel’s, and as Jack holds him as if he could turn to smoke and slip through his fingers, he knows that this is fleeting. That he should probably rib Gabe for not being straightforward with him and that they’ll have quite a road ahead of them. But he’s finally holding the body he’s wanted to touch like this in his arms and kissing the softest lips he’s ever kissed and he doesn’t care anymore. Gabriel can take him and carve out his heart for all he cares. It’ll probably be safer in the angel’s hands.

Jack feels Gabriel pull away to look at him, and he chases the angel’s mouth with a little frustrated growl. That sets Gabe laughing, and he can’t take the sight of that beautiful face split into such an unadulterated smile any longer. He takes a firm hold of Gabe’s shoulders and pulls him right back in, pressing his laughing form against the other’s as they giggle helplessly on the couch.

Jack supposes that, at least for now, they’ll be alright.


	7. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey is a long one. But they're with each other, so it's bearable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all like 18k words of fluff.

For the first time since he got back on his home turf, Jack feels genuinely happy, despite the soreness in his muscles come morning.

After kissing and holding each other for at least an hour after their mutual confessions, they finally lapsed into a comfortable silence. Jack had held Gabriel’s hands as tight as he could, leaning against him and just _feeling_ the rise and fall of the angel’s chest as he took deep, relaxed breaths.

He had ended up falling asleep on the couch that night after making a haphazard dinner, Gabe’s arms around him with a hand twisted in his hair. Waking up is a nightmare for his back, but he looks up and sees that peaceful goddamn face and knows that it isn’t so bad this time. He gets up, taking a few minutes to just sit and admire, knowing that he finally has this man. Maybe not all of him, probably not even a sizeable part of him, but he has something of Gabriel to keep as his own, and Gabe can have the same.

Though, the angel probably has a lot more of him than he’d like to admit.

Cooking breakfast seems so much lighter and easier than it used to be. Jack begins to whistle a quiet tune to himself, hoping that he can entice Gabriel back to the living with something that smells halfway decent. Eggs should be fine. He can do eggs. Maybe toast.

Gabriel emerges mere moments after the bread slices pop up from the toaster. He leans against the kitchen counter and speaks with that wonderful, barely-awake voice, bidding Jack good morning and commenting on the way breakfast smells.

Success.

Sitting closer on the couch is an ordeal. Jack suddenly becomes caught between desperately wanting to lean on Gabriel and having the arm space to eat his damn eggs. He settles for hiking one of his legs up so it’s resting on the angel’s thigh so at least there’s _some_ amount of contact. Though, it’s still difficult to eat, but for a different reason.

Every time Gabriel shifts or makes some sort of sound, the butterflies in Jack’s stomach start throwing a fit, reminding him of the fact that he can finally act on his desires, he can finally touch what he’s wanted to feel and hold and _worship_ for so long.

It almost makes him vomit, but by some miracle he gets through breakfast unscathed. Gabriel seems unaffected by all of it, and it’s a little discouraging before Jack remembers that he’s had eternity to figure all of this stuff out- Jack hasn’t.

Nevertheless, Gabe seems as entranced as he is, leaning over to plant little kisses on Jack’s shoulder as soon as he’s finished eating. It doesn’t feel like a ploy or a sexual advance like it has so often with past lovers, which is surprising. Other than his true friends and family, Jack is used to touches meaning one other thing.

This time, though, it’s simple affection. It’s just reassurance that Gabriel is there and real and with him right now, and Jack couldn’t be more grateful. He tilts his head to the side, giving the angel more space to do as he pleases, and that earns him an unfairly beautiful noise of approval. Gabriel moves in closer, and Jack can feel the delicious scratch of his beard right where the neckline of his shirt meets his bare skin.

Fuck, he still hasn’t changed out of his clothes from yesterday.

As much as he’d love to sit here and allow himself to be touched all day, he has a job to get to so he and Gabriel can continue this comfortable little existence they both lead at the moment. He excuses himself, dragging his fingertips down Gabe’s forearm in retaliation for all the attention he’s been giving, segueing to the bathroom and immediately taking a moment to process everything.

He stands in front of the mirror, looking at the face that sometimes he can’t even believe is his own, and laughs. Snorts and covers his mouth, the other arm wrapping around his stomach, as if to push these feelings back so they aren’t so infectious. It’s no use, though, and Jack ends up taking too long in the shower simply because he ended up leaning against the wall just _thinking_. Thinking about everything he and Gabriel are now, everything that they will be from this point on.

He sprints out the door when he checks the time, thanking his lucky stars that the auto shop doesn’t have a required uniform save for protective gear. Though, he doesn’t leave without planting a rough, hurried kiss on Gabriel’s unsuspecting lips. He thinks he hears an “I’ll be waiting” before he’s completely out of earshot, but that’s what fuels him to get through the work day.

Everyone notices what’s different about him. He knows that being with Gabriel is far from perfect, and that he’s still a man with a helluva lot of problems and memories that won’t leave him no matter what. Still, the knowledge that there’s someone he can care about like _that_ again gives him something to look forward to. The confirmation that the angel actually loves him in return is a confidence boost that he didn’t realize he was missing until now.

So, he figures he has an excuse to be unreasonably giddy.

The day passes by in a flash, which is much too slow in reality. He’s not quite sure what he’s looking forward to, what he and Gabriel could possibly do, given that neither of them are particularly adventurous in terms of stereotypical couple’s activities.

Though, he supposes it would be nice to kiss Gabe at the top of a Ferris wheel. Or something.

He’s sweating and covered in oil when he gets home, and he laments the fact that he has to spend the time washing himself off until he opens the door and gets a nice view of Gabriel bending over the coffee table to light the single candle he owns in his apartment.

He whistles and the angel turns around, a scandalized look on his face. “You’re disgusting,” he says petulantly before rising up and cocking his hip to the side. And honestly, that doesn’t help one bit.

Gabe advances and grabs Jack’s hands before he realizes how greasy they are, making a noise of dismay and pulling them back.

“Go get clean. We’re watching a movie, your choice.” It’s not traditional for what Jack supposes is indeed a ‘first date’, but neither of them are particularly good at following the rules of convention, come to think of it. He smirks and silently obeys, glad to finally wash the stains off his skin. Always a pleasure to have someone come into work with a nasty oil leak. Always.

The smell of popcorn lures him back into the living room once he has his sleep clothes on, and he grabs the blanket off his bed only to throw it over Gabriel as soon as he can see over the back of the couch.

“Scoot,” he commands as he hoists Gabriel up just enough to slide under him, leaning back on the couch with the angel in his lap. It’s a comfortable weight that he doesn’t think he’ll be relinquishing soon, if only for the fact that he hasn’t held anyone like this for so long. It was usually just a one and done thing, back when he was a little freer with who he took on as a lover. Nothing in the form of aftercare, always up and out as soon as they were both finished.

Now, there’s a beautiful self-proclaimed expert cuddler on his couch and he’s going to take as much advantage of that as he possibly can.

“You do realize that you haven’t picked the movie out yet, right?” That snaps him out of his reverie, and he lifts his head from where he’d been nosing at Gabriel’s jaw to let out a dissatisfied groan. Just when he’d been getting comfortable.

“As much as I’d like to sit here and let you do whatever it is you’re doing, we’re watching a goddamn movie and there’s no question about it. Nothing you can do. Sorry, Jackie.” The vet snorts and shoves Gabriel off him playfully, lugging himself over to the small television so he can pick something out from his meager collection.

“We could watch The Passion of the Christ,” he jokes, earning a surprised laugh from Gabriel. Not like they could watch it anyway. He’s never even laid eyes on a copy of that movie.

Eventually, they settle on Hot Fuzz because Gabriel thinks the name is funny despite never having seen it, and Jack pops it in while Gabe retrieves the popcorn from the kitchen. Jack supposes that Gabe already knows every detail of the film, given his extraordinary existence, but if he does he still seems excited. He’s glad they’re doing this. Eating snack food in place of dinner while they watch a buddy cop movie.

The popcorn bowl is placed in Gabriel’s lap, who in turn settles back into Jack’s as they fumble around for the remote in the darkness. Gabe’s hand brushes Jack’s inner thigh and he lets out a quiet noise of approval. It’s only when he can _feel_ the angel smirking in the darkness that he realizes he did that on purpose.

“What am I going to do with you,” he sighs as he finally finds the remote and starts the movie.

“I can think of a few things,” Gabriel purrs back before shoving popcorn in his mouth. Charming.

As much as Jack would enjoy doing unspeakable things to Gabe on his couch, he rather likes this movie and would rather they both enjoy it before enjoying more of each other later. They have the rest of the evening, after all.

That doesn’t stop him from spoiling the shit out of Gabriel, though. He allows the angel to feed him popcorn though he’s perfectly capable of doing that himself, and he returns the favor in kind. It doesn’t help that it’s during one of his favorite scenes that he realizes that not a lot has changed at all. They still spend time together, they still prod at each other’s egos in the best way, they still carry on like always.

There’s just a whole lot more mushy stuff involved, but Jack’s perfectly fine with that. He’s still caught up in the fact that this whole thing is mutual.

Gabriel lets out more of those beautiful laughs throughout the running time, and Jack notices that it’s the first time the angel has sat through a film without making any sort of critical commentary. Perhaps it’s just because he’s enjoying himself, or perhaps it’s because he doesn’t want to ruin something that Jack happens to like.

Either way, he’s grateful.

He shows it in the way that he tosses the popcorn bowl aside once it’s finished, leaning to the right so far that both he and Gabriel slump over onto their sides. It’s cramped, as they’re both rather large men on a small couch, but Jack worms his way underneath Gabe’s body enough for them to share the space. This way, he’s even more intimately connected to the angel’s body movements. He can feel Gabe’s breathing speed up, feel the way his laugh resonates against both of their ribcages. He can slip the beanie off and run his fingers absentmindedly through those luscious curls.

“Is this okay?” He whispers the question against Gabriel’s temple, always afraid, always vigilant. If he oversteps a boundary, or if he does something one of them isn’t ready for…

If he fucks this up…

“Of course,” Gabe breathes against him and the relief that washes over him is like a cold shower. Jack sighs and presses a kiss to Gabriel’s head right where his lips happen to be, taking in how his hair smells and how soft he can be when he’s in the right mood.

By the time the movie ends, Jack is left wondering when exactly his attention wandered elsewhere. Before he knew it, he was completely focused on Gabriel’s face in the light of the television screen, the way his eyes flicker with amusement and how goddamn comfortable he feels laying half on, half off Jack’s body, making his left arm all sorts of numb.

Neither of them have the energy or the will to search for the remote or get up and turn the movie off, so they let the credits roll up until the menu screen pops up again. Even then, Jack is reluctant to let go, perhaps in an attempt to prolong the moment. He’s not sure how ready he is to have someone else in his bed, simply for fear of having another nightmare. He wouldn’t forgive himself if Gabriel gets caught in the crossfire.

“If you want me to cuddle with you that bad, we could always just sleep together.” Gabe read his mind, apparently. Jack shrugs as much as he can in the position he’s in, finally shifting so he can sit up and pat the couch in search of the remote.

“I have trouble sleeping,” he states simply as his hand finally closes over what he’s been looking for. The television shuts down with the slightest crackle of static and he places the remote on the coffee table where it can’t be lost again. He blows out the candle on the way, lamenting the fact that his partner’s face is shrouded in darkness now.

Gabe chuckles and reaches for the popcorn bowl, pushing himself off Jack’s lap and taking the blanket with him. He starts scrubbing at the bowl once he reaches the sink, wearing the blanket like a cape and holding onto it tightly when the vet tries to pull it off him.

“I’m here for a reason, Jack. There isn’t anything you could do in your sleep that could actually hurt me, you know that. I’m not gonna push it but I’d love to spend the night with you.” Jack knows that he could never physically hurt Gabe; that’s obvious. The concern is that he might say something, some outlandish thing that might push Gabriel away. He can’t afford to mess this up.

Gabe takes his hands, and Jack doesn’t even register that they’re still wet with sink water until a few moments afterwards. “Jack,” he begins in a low, gentle voice. “I’ve seen everything that you’ve been through. If anything, I’d be offended if you tried to pretend everything was fine so I could have peace of mind. I don’t have to sleep in your bed if you really don’t want me to, but don’t let the reason be that you’re trying to protect me from yourself.”

Jack feels the weight of strong, reassuring arms on his shoulders, and the warmth of the blanket envelops him. Or maybe it’s just Gabe. “You don’t have to hide from me. You know that, right?”

Jack sighs and bows his head, brushing his nose against Gabriel’s. “Alright,” he whispers. “M’ sorry I get in my head a lot.”

The angel chuckles and kisses him. “That’s okay,” he whispers against Jack’s lips. “Means you’re thinking about stuff instead of just blurting out whatever comes into that head of yours. That should count for something.”

“S’pose so,” Jack says before leaning in for another kiss. He wraps his arms against Gabriel’s strong back and hugs him close, dipping him a little to get ever closer. The kitchen is silent except for the small noises they’re making, and Jack is almost embarrassed at how it seems to echo through the space. The moment is broken, however, when Gabe brings his hands up to hold Jack’s face and the latter lets out a groan.

“Your hands are wet,” he whines, his voice muffled by Gabe’s persistent mouth. The angel snorts and withdraws himself, wiping said hands on the dish towel by the sink. Jack wipes his own face on his sleeve, immediately drawing Gabe back in for a hug. “We still have a few more hours before bed,” he mumbles into his lover’s shoulder, entranced by how good he smells. How amazing it is to finally hold him like this.

“We should eat something other than popcorn.”

“Good point.”

He’s too lazy to cook something fancy, so they end up dining on the leftover pulled pork Jesse had brought over from his family’s cookout. It’s not as palatable after being microwaved, but Jack isn’t complaining. It’s still damn good food.

Though they take their time eating, they’re still left with time to do whatever they want, but Jack isn’t sure what they should be _doing_. Is Gabe expecting him to pull out some sort of couple’s activity this late at night? Are they supposed to immediately start fucking? God, he’s not sure if he has the strength to even show Gabe more of his skin at this point…

Gabriel sidles up to him and pulls him towards the bedroom by his hands. This is it. The moment of truth.

Except, as soon as the angel enters, he flops down on Jack’s bed and immediately messes up the careful job Jack did of making the bed two nights ago.

Gabe makes a noise of absolute contentment, spreading his limbs out as far as they’ll go, it seems, in an attempt to take up as much space as possible. “I’ve been wanting to lay on this bed for so long,” he moans, latching onto Jack’s pillow and apparently claiming it as his own.

Jack scoffs. “You only wanted me for my bed, I see how it is.” He segues into the bathroom to get the taste of barbecue and popcorn out of his mouth, wondering what it’ll be like to actually wake up to someone in his bed again. The last time that happened… well, the guy said he hadn’t meant to stay, and that was that. It was a miracle Jack didn’t lash out in his sleep, the way he sees it.

This time will be different, of course, but it doesn’t mean it won’t feel strange.

Jack haphazardly splashes water on his face, trying to delay the inevitable awkwardness when he finally has to lay with Gabriel in his own bed. He runs out of excuses to check the contour of his eyebrows after only 30 seconds, and he’s left with only one option. Facing whatever they’re about to do.

As soon as he tentatively slides into bed, Gabriel is on him like a very large, very human house pet. Then… he doesn’t do anything else. Jack lets go of a breath he doesn’t remember taking, wrapping his arms around the angel and just holding him. It seems wrong somehow. It _feels_ right, but Jack half expects Gabe’s hands to start wandering, expects to hear that he’s grown bored.

“You’re thinking about something. What’s on your mind?” Damn it, if only his partner wasn’t so perceptive.

Jack traces the outline of Gabriel’s jaw with his fingertips, staring up at a very interesting spot on the ceiling. “I just… you’re fine with this? Just laying here until we fall asleep?”

“’Course. Aren’t you?”

Jack shakes his head. “More than alright. Just… I’m not that interesting,” he chuckles.

Gabriel snorts and throws a leg over Jack’s waist, getting even more impossibly comfortable. “You’re interesting enough that I didn’t get bored watching you for 17 years. What makes you think a little silence now and again will turn me away?”

He has a point. Once again, Gabriel knows how to fight him on most of the unreasonable points he makes. He’s precise in the places he chooses to nitpick though, and if Jack’s honest, it’s saved his self-esteem more times than he can count. He shrugs and lets the natural ebb and flow of the slight breeze in the room be the only source of noise between them. The radiator circulates air that rustles the curtains, and the light of the moon shifts and creates lovely little patterns over Gabriel’s skin.

Jack watches him for a good while before he gets the courage to speak once more.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers, rubbing his hand up and down Gabriel’s back. The angel makes a small sound, almost like he’s hurt, and his eyes meet Jack’s once more. The moonlight makes those irises shine, and Jack nearly misses the next thing Gabe says, he’s so lost in them.

“I don’t think there’s a word in your language that I could use to describe you,” Gabriel murmurs.

Jack laughs a little. “Come on, there must be _some_ word in all the languages you know.” Mostly, he wants to prod, but a small selfish part of him wants to know what Gabriel would use to describe him. He might not know what it means, but at least he can take a wild guess.

Gabe is silent for a moment, enough time for Jack to wonder if he stepped out of line, before he’s smirking again. “Well, there is _one_ word. It’s a weird one though, you might think I’m insulting you if I say it.”

Jack scoffs. “Try me.”

Gabriel lifts his head, looking Jack straight in the eye. Their lips are nearly touching, and it’s as if time itself has completely stopped.

Then he says it. Jack doesn’t even have the ability to process what it might mean; he’s more preoccupied with the unholy _sound_ that just ripped itself from the angel’s throat.

It’s a word, if it can even be called that, but it doesn’t sound like Gabriel’s voice at all. It’s halfway between a nasally sneeze and an overly drawn-out utterance of something that sounds suspiciously like “schmee.” Jack’s mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water for a good minute or so before he erupts into laughter, mostly because he can tell that Gabriel’s struggling to keep it together too.

Gabe’s arms collapse and he giggles away, his face pressed right into Jack’s pec as they shake in each other’s arms.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” Jack mutters into Gabriel’s hair, unable to keep himself from letting his hands wander lower and lower until they tease at Gabe’s waistband. He stops there, knowing that it’s just to explore more of the angel’s body. He can’t help but want to know every inch of his lover like the back of his own hand.

“Oh, I _know_ ,” Gabe manages through his laughter, nuzzling Jack’s body where his face lies. “Seriously though, it does mean something really sweet in that language! I’m not lying this time, I swear!”

Jack manages to quiet himself down after a few moments, as does Gabriel. They let out little sighs, small giggles still escaping them before Gabe leans up to kiss Jack gently. The blonde lets out a content sigh and rolls onto his side so he can be at a better angle.

He can feel Gabe’s hand traversing the planes of his body, but they stay outside his clothes the entire time and he couldn’t be more grateful. The angel never reaches below the belt, apparently more obsessed with skating his fingers over Jack’s chest and shoulders more than anything. His leg is still firmly draped over the vet’s waist, and Jack dares to squeeze one of the thighs he’s been lusting after since before he realized what those feelings were.

Gabriel rewards him with an absolutely beautiful noise, pressing up against Jack’s frame and holding him tighter. It’s too tender and lazy to be something that evolves into more heated actions, but Jack enjoys it all the same. It’s gentle, and there’s more intimacy there than he’s had in quite a while and it teeters on the edge of overwhelming. It’s so much all at once and yet he still wants more. He wants to hold Gabe in his arms and never let go, kiss him so hard their lips get bruised… he wants to share everything when he’s ready.

He’ll be ready. Gabriel has already insinuated that he doesn’t have to be, but he will. He wants to be, of his own free will.

That’s impressive itself, if he thinks about it.

He lets himself sink into Gabriel’s tender touches, the hand that’s not preoccupied with absentmindedly groping copious amounts of thigh travelling up Gabe’s spine to tangle in his hair. Their kisses devolve into simply pressing their mouths together every so often, and Jack eventually pulls Gabe’s head towards his chest and rests his chin atop it.

He wonders what he did to deserve someone like this. A literal angel, in love with someone like him. How strange, yet completely welcome. He’s missed this. The pure idealism that eluded him until Gabriel forced a glimmer of it back into his life.

Now that he has his own center of hope and belonging, he doesn’t plan on letting go of it soon. Much like the body comfortably nestled in his arms.

“Wanna just stay like this until we fall asleep?” He playfully bites at Gabriel’s ear after he asks, earning him a swat at the base of his spine. Gabe just makes a content noise of affirmation and Jack presses one last kiss to the crown of his head, surrounding his nose with the smell of his own shampoo that still manages to smell better on Gabe’s head.

“Night,” he whispers. He can’t verbalize how much he loves his angel. Not yet. The most he can do is show it through his actions, give everything he can to Gabriel without destroying part of himself in the process.

Hopefully that’ll be enough, Jack thinks as he lets his eyes droop, enveloped in the soft glow of the moonlight and Gabriel’s presence.

***

The Saturday morning light breaches the window and heats the skin of Jack’s cheek, making him groan and burrow under the covers more. Well, at least he tries to do that.

There’s something blocking his freedom of movement. Jack’s heartbeat immediately ratchets up to 11, his mind racing. He’s pulled out of the soft morning tranquility, searching for a way out, some method of incapacitating the person holding him down.

The arms around him feel loose, heavy, and it shouldn’t be a trial to throw the person off if he can just…

“Jack?”

A voice. He’s been caught. But… that voice seems familiar. The arms are moving, hands are pushing his hair out of his face, smoothing it over his temples. He dares to open his eyes and he’s met with the concerned expression of someone all too familiar.

A quick look at his surroundings tells him that he’s sitting bolt upright and that Gabriel isn’t holding him down at all. His arms are simply hanging loosely around his shoulders, trying to bring him back to the living with a gentle voice and even gentler touches.

Jack suddenly feels a rush of guilt. This is what he was afraid of. The inevitable nightmare or instinctual reaction. It’s too much for him to handle at times, what was he thinking asking Gabriel to handle something like that with him?

The angel doesn’t seem to be going anywhere though, quite the opposite. Those hands seem tentative, almost like they’re afraid to hurt him by being there, and Jack wants to keep them and kiss them and beg Gabriel to never stop holding him.

He dares let his breathing pick up, a full-body shudder coursing through him as he sits cross-legged on the bed.

“Remember, you don’t have to hide from me,” Gabriel whispers. Jack nods and slumps, his head falling directly into Gabriel’s lap. His arms wrap around the angel’s waist, taking solace in the fact that he’s still here, and he’s still very real. He’s still physical, soft, comfortable for Jack to hold.

He’s still perfect, flaws and all.

Jack buries his face into Gabe’s waist, allows himself to be pulled and manipulated so they’re laying more equally. Gabriel cards his fingers through Jack’s copious blonde locks, and that’s just about all he can take.

He lets a quiet, shaky breath leave him before a few tears carve pathways down his cheeks and soak the blanket under him. He’s used to this. It’s best not to bottle it up until he explodes, or that’s what Dr. Ziegler tells him. It’s easier to just let it out in tiny spurts, rather than scream into his pillow on and off for a full day.

Gabe is silent through most of it, but Jack never gets the sense that he’s uncomfortable or that he’d rather be doing any number of other things. He seems just calm enough for Jack to latch onto him and let his emotions out. It helps him take deep breaths, practice whatever new coping mechanism Angela recommended to him last, bury his face into the blanket and curl up around Gabriel’s comforting form.

After the last few heaves, his shoulders stop shaking and he refuses to move, the warmth and comfort of Gabe’s lap too tantalizing to consider leaving. He hasn’t had the physical contact he craves after a time like this since… well, since he got back, really. Ana and Reinhardt have lent their voices over the phone to drag him back from the brink, but they’ve never been around physically when it gets bad. Now Gabriel is here, and he can acutely sense everything, every movement and sound that leaves the angel’s body.

Gabe leans down after a while and kisses the side of his head. Jack keens, silently begging for more.

“Want some breakfast?”

Jack shakes his head no. He doesn’t feel strong enough to speak just yet.

Gabriel pets his hair, tracing the shape of his ear as he mutters a small “okay.” Jack thanks him with a squeeze to his midriff.

“Want me to stay or do you want some alone time?” Jack squeezes again, but doesn’t stop this time. Gabriel nods and settles a bit more, drawing the blankets up over them both so they can be warm. And god, does the angel’s compliance with whatever Jack needs make him nearly cry again.

The silence becomes nearly overwhelming, pressing in on him even though he latches onto Gabriel’s presence like a lifeline. He gathers up whatever fortitude is left in him to push past the barrier keeping him from using his voice, tapping Gabe on the arm first.

“Keep talking.” The sound of his own voice grates against his eardrums, almost like he’s not the one speaking. It’s foreign, rough and cracked, outlandish though he knows it’s his own. He doesn’t dare use it again, at least for now.

Gabriel makes a little breathy sound, almost like he’s about to start humming, before holding Jack just a bit closer and starting to ramble.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I got stuck in a tree? You were at work, toiling away over some piece of metal or whatever you do over at that shop, and I was just… perched on a branch watching you. Another robin started chirping weirdly at me, so I tried to tell it to fuck off, but it wouldn’t go away, right?” Gabe starts running his hand up and down Jack’s back as he speaks, caressing in a way that’s just rhythmic enough for the latter to use it to ground himself.

“I tried to fly up there and yell at it until it flew away, but I accidentally hit a stupid _beehive_ on the way up and before I knew it there were a bunch of bees flooding out of the beehive! I didn’t want ‘em to get lost on the way home so I was just flying around the tree trying to get them off my tail for about two hours because they wouldn’t leave me alone! So there’s me, with just an entire _hive_ of bees chasing me, and I can’t even rest because then they’d just be everywhere!”

Jack can’t help but giggle silently into Gabe’s chest. He manages to mutter “ _bee_ everywhere” before Gabe makes the most exasperated sound Jack’s ever heard. And the angel has quite the arsenal.

“I can’t believe you just did that to me. I hate you, I really do. Even now, you manage to torment me. I guess I’ll just die, is that what you want? Do you want to kill me?!” The question is so over-the-top and accusatory that Jack can’t help but sniffle and break out into laughter. His cheeks are still drawn tight with the tears he’s shed, but Gabriel somehow makes everything a bit more bearable.

The angel lets out a disdainful laugh, pressing a kiss to Jack’s temple. “You’re an ass,” he mutters affectionately.

Jack just nods.

They stay like that for a while, Gabriel recounting stories from when he’s been flitting around watching Jack and other people, or simply talking about nothing at all. He brings up what he finds interesting about human culture, right down to the way they hold things compared to another sentient species halfway across the galaxy.

It's entertaining, and more importantly, it’s the voice Jack has come to associate with home, with love, and he lets himself sink into the familiar comfort of that as he recovers from the panic of waking up to someone in his bed.

It’s an hour before either of them move another muscle, as Gabriel slips out of bed and drags Jack with him so they can put food in their bodies sometime today. Jack gets started on whatever he can find in the kitchen, which turns out to be cereal and exactly one egg. He fries it as best he can, offering it to Gabriel before the angel shoves it back towards him.

They eat standing up, Gabe leaning against the counter and Jack standing in the middle of the kitchen, balancing his elbow on his hip. He takes the dishes and piles them into the sink for now, too lazy to do anything about them until he’s had a bit more time to relax.

He steps into Gabriel’s space, tugging the angel towards his body gently so they can bask in each other’s comfort. He rocks from side to side on the balls of his feet for a while, one hand wrapped around Gabe’s waist and the other tangled in his hair.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

Gabriel kisses him.

***

Getting used to Gabriel crawling into bed with him every night isn’t easy. Jack wishes it was, wishes he could throw away all the years of training that hardened him into something that wouldn’t break so easily under fire. He still has nightmares, still has the days where his skin feels like it’s going peel off without hesitation, but at least the familiar presence helps.

Then again, it always did. Even before he figured out what those feelings were.

Gabriel shows no hesitation in sitting in bed with him while he cries, as if he wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. Jack likes to think that’s true, if the way the angel readily gathers his shivering form into his arms is any indication.

The days where Jack can’t manage to be touched at all, though? Gabriel lounges around on the couch like he used to, waits for the vet to initiate contact, doesn’t even speak for fear of overwhelming him. He only scoots a bit closer when Jack manages to sit down on the couch beside him, nervously entwining their fingers.

All in all, Jack can’t ask for anything more.

Well, maybe one small thing.

Ever since they held each other on the couch that one fateful day, Gabriel has made it his duty to be as unfairly sexy as possible. Whereas before, Jack would never catch him with a hair out of place, now he’s leaving the shower half-dressed, hair mussed and dripping wet. He knows what he’s doing- the bastard can probably _think_ himself into clothes and yet he goes without just to torture Jack.

In a way, it’s flattering. It’s designed to entice (it succeeds), which means that the angel must hold some odd attraction to him. The downside is that he can never _do_ anything about it. He’s too caught up in his self-esteem to pull off what Gabriel does, and with how much they’ve been joined at the hip lately, his solitude has been cut down quite a bit.

It’s reassuring, having company all the time. Mostly. The only problem is that he can’t manage to relieve the tension that’s been building up ever since he caught sight of the way Gabriel’s muscles move as he leans against the door and stares at Jack with sultry eyes that just invite him in, invite him to step forward and touch whatever he likes.

Jack never does, and he wonders if it ever gets frustrating. Disappointing. If Gabriel will get tired him.

_Nonsense_ , he tries to tell himself as he turns the fire up on the stove just a bit. He’s begun to live for the weekends, where he can make an effort with cooking and spend most of the morning with someone else, sometimes not rising from bed until it’s past noon.

He used to dread weekends. Too much empty space, too little opportunity to get out and do something. He was left with his thoughts, forced to contend with the feelings worming their way into his heart and making him ache from the inside out. In many ways, Gabriel is as much a welcome distraction as he is a lover.

Most of the time, he’s a little bit of both. Like now, Jack muses as he feels familiar arms wrap around him from behind.

“Tell me that’s not your original recipe.” It’s teasing, playful, as if Jack hadn’t left Gabe snoozing in their bed this morning to get breakfast started.

Jack chuckles and flips one of the pancakes. “It’s a box mix, don’t you worry. I don’t want a repeat of last time just as much as you.” Though, last time wasn’t exactly Jack’s fault to begin with. It was a combination of slightly expired butter and an untrustworthy recipe that they later found out got 1 star almost unanimously.

Gabriel still blames Jack’s cooking, even though he scarfs down most of whatever’s put in front of him. All in the name of balance, he supposes.

“Good to hear it,” Gabe says, nipping the shell of Jack’s ear just to feel him shudder. Jack didn’t even _know_ he had sensitive spots until the angel came along. Now, it seems like he has about five thousand, each one of which have been abused to their limits by Gabriel himself.

Be it the one specific spot behind his knee where he’s ticklish, or the place where his jaw meets his neck that can almost immediately get him uncomfortably hard, all of them have been found and ruthlessly targeted. Gabriel seems to make a sport of it too, disappearing into another room as soon as Jack has been sufficiently riled up. Either he’s still recovering from a laughing fit or too embarrassed to go running after his partner with an awkward situation in his pants, but Gabriel lives in no fear of any retribution.

Which brings them back to the current issue. “Sometimes I swear you’re asking for trouble,” Jack huffs out as he aggressively jostles the pan.

“I always am, Jackie. Haven’t you figured that out?” That… isn’t exactly false.

Jack smirks and turns around, keeping an eye on the pancakes from his peripherals. “So what about me? Am I trouble?”

Gabriel gets in Jack’s space, a hungry look in his eye. “The best kind,” he murmurs.

Jack can forgive the incessant cheesiness for now. He has better things to worry about. Namely, the way he’ll never get tired of kissing the beautiful man in front of him. They did quite a lot of it in the first few days of their relationship, at least until Gabriel bit Jack’s lip a little too hard and it started bleeding. Now, a few weeks after, the flames have dimmed just enough, though in the right moments they escalate to a roaring fire underneath Jack’s skin.

He feels his touch sear across the angel’s cheek as he tilts his head, searching out some closer form of intimacy that he’s not even sure he can give. Gabriel’s lips part and so do Jack’s, and the former lets out a breathy sigh as he teases at his partner’s tongue with his own.

He pulls a bit at Gabriel’s hair, just to test it out, and the bastard has the audacity to moan right into his mouth. He can feel the vibrations from deep within the angel’s chest where it’s pressed up against his own, and Jack pulls away for only a fraction of a second before he dives back in, ten times more aggressively.

Gabriel meets him blow for blow, deft fingers pulling at the back of his t-shirt as if they were both made for this moment. Jack feels a rush of heat color his cheeks, and with that heady sensation comes confidence he hasn’t felt in a while. He can do this. He can take it just a little further. Just a little…

Gabe’s hands tease at the space where his waistband meets the hem of his shirt, and Jack pushes forward a little. His fingers tighten in the mess of curls atop the angel’s head, still damp with shower water. Sparks of arousal course through his veins with every brush of Gabe’s beard against his face, with every breathy sigh exchanged between them as they enjoy the morning’s lazy passion.

Jack feels hands sneak underneath his shirt, teasing at the skin right below his scar. He freezes. His stomach muscles jump and tighten, and suddenly he’s drowning. He can’t do this. There’s no way he can take that extra step now. Not here, not when this whole thing between them is so fresh. So new.

Gabe seems to immediately sense his discomfort, retracting his wandering fingers without hesitation. He places them squarely on Jack’s hips, tracing comforting circles with his thumbs. Jack feels the coarse fabric of his shirt over his hipbones and knows he’s back in security now. He’s safe.

“Okay,” is all Gabriel says. He smiles, and Jack breathes a sigh of relief.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers back. Sorry for not being able to give his partner what he so clearly wants. Sorry for trying and failing to push his own boundaries. He wants to promise that one day he’ll be ready, but he’s learned not to make promises. The people he left for dead as the medics pulled him screaming from the wreckage after the explosion? He promised them things too. He’d promised himself they’d come home safe.

There are hands on his face, hands that at least he’s learned to accept as friendly, not harmful. Not spiteful or disgusted by the way the scars cut into the planes of his visage. “It’s alright, Jackie. I’m not about to make your life hell because you’re not ready for that yet.”

Jack lets out a dry sob and pulls Gabriel in for a hug. He can’t possibly express how much he loves this man, not yet, but he can show it. He can show how much it means that the angel is willing to wait for him, that Gabe wants him enough to let him go at his own pace.

The others weren’t there for that. They just took, and took, and took. Jack feels like he’s _something_ with Gabriel. Like he’s more than a husk of a soldier, waiting to be picked up as on object of fascination by anyone with a passing interest.

Gabe knows how to give back. He knows how to keep his distance and treat him with respect, knows how to cling onto him when he needs to feel like he’s worth keeping. He knows how to drag Jack along as they stumble down this road together, losing themselves yet finding solace in each other.

Jack knows that, as he holds Gabriel to his chest like something precious that he refuses to let out of his sights, that he’ll be ready.

Someday.

The smell of burnt food rouses him from his reverie, and he lets out a frustrated groan into Gabe’s shoulder.

“You weren’t watching the food, were you?”

“…no.”

“You have the worst luck with pancakes, you know that?”

“…yeah.”

Gabriel laughs and pats his back reassuringly. “I’ll take care of it this time. Go back to bed, Jackie.”

***

"Why the scars?" Jack asks at one point, breaking the silence that has hitherto been hanging over the room.

"Hmm?" Gabriel looks up from where he's laying in the vet's lap.

"Y'know. I'd think Archangels are so full of themselves that you'd give yourself the prettiest face imaginable." Perhaps it's borne of his own insecurities about his own face. Not that he thinks Gabriel is anything short of beautiful. He's more confused as to why Gabe would subject himself to the same skin condition that mars Jack's physique and his mind alike.

His partner looks up at him, eyes wide. Is he... sniffling?

"You don't think I'm pretty?"

Jack scoffs and covers Gabriel's face with his large hand. The angel struggles for a moment, realizing there's no way he's getting away with licking the hand restraining him this time, before relaxing. Jack removes his hand.

"Scars look good," is his answer. Jack looks down at him incredulously only to see a devilish smirk. Questing fingers reach towards the blonde's face, and he flinches as they make contact with the diagonal lines so familiar to him.

Gabriel's fingers are so warm, so friendly, nearly reverent, Jack can't help but lean into them. His partner smiles genuinely this time.

“Really good.”

Jack can’t help himself. He leans down and kisses that stupid, perfect face for all it’s worth. That face with every blemish, every scar, everything that makes Gabriel exclusively _Gabriel_. Everything that Jack has grown to love with all his heart and more.

“How can you just say stuff like that with a straight face,” he urges, tears threatening to roll down his cheeks.

Gabriel works his fingers into Jack’s hair, and the vet doubles over to lay his head on his partner’s chest with a content groan. “It’s pretty easy, y’know? What with the whole ‘thou shalt not lie’ thing.”

Jack scoffs. “You lie at least ten times a day.”

“Yeah, well, what can you do? I’m heaven’s resident bad boy, ready to be punished.” He says it with such a suggestive tone that it’s too over the top, as if running his hands down the voluptuous mass of his own thighs wasn’t enough of an indication.

Jack makes one of his more disgusted noises, slumping down like a deadweight. “You’re too much, you know that?”

“And yet you’re still here.”

“This is my fucking house!”

Gabriel raises an eyebrow and continues to card his fingers through Jack’s hair. “Your point is? You’re gonna have to be a little more specific to have a valid argument here.”

He’s past actually arguing with Gabriel. Hell, he’s past even thinking of forming a debate. Jack just buries his head further into the angel’s chest and laughs. He laughs with the ridiculousness of the situation, with the elation that Gabe could think that someone like him can be attractive, scars and all.

He laughs with the knowledge that things just got a little easier.

Jack sleeps soundly that night, spooning Gabriel from behind, glad as all hell to have someone to _hold_. They’ve slept in all positions throughout the two months they’ve been together, but Jack always favors the ones in which he has Gabe securely in his arms. It provides him with a false sense of security, as if the angel couldn’t possibly slip through his fingers this way. As if he could have more time with his love if he just… holds on.

The sentiment echoes in his head as he wakes, soft with the morning sun. He checks his alarm, set for almost an hour from now. So his body traded in waking up multiple times during the night for waking up too early. Perfect.

There’s no way he’s getting more sleep, so he settles on watching the peaceful face of the man he’s holding. Gabriel has shifted during the night, now facing Jack with one of the most beautiful expressions he’s ever seen. Even if the angel’s face is half-mushed into Jack’s arm and a bit of drool is dribbling out of his mouth.

Jack notices his hands are quite low for how they started out, and that they rest dangerously close to his lover’s ass. He’s tempted to go for it, to feel those globes under his hands for just a little while, but Gabriel has given him the courtesy of waiting, why shouldn’t he return it?

“Gabe,” he whispers, pressing his lips to the angel’s temple and kissing whatever he can. “Gabe, wake up.”

He gets a groan in response, and some annoyed shuffling until he’s staring down into those eyes he loves so much, still hazy with sleep. The angel makes a wonderful sound, staring up at him innocently, just begging to be touched.

“Mm? Yeah, Jackie?” His voice is laced with roughness, like it always is when he’s just woken up.

“…Can I touch your butt?” He’s blushing, he can feel it, and it only gets worse when Gabriel’s face twists into disbelief, then into a devious smile.

“You’re saying…” Jack nods. “That you woke me up…” Gabe takes a peek at the alarm clock over the blonde’s shoulder. “At 6:00 in the morning…” Jack smiles sheepishly. “So you could touch my butt?”

“Yeah, why not? You can just sleep the day away while I’m at work, figured I could take my chances.” Jack’s on the defensive, he knows that, but he figures nothing bad could come of this. He just wants to see how it feels… it’s so round and inviting, and it always seems like it would fit so nicely in his hands…

Gabriel shrugs, finally. He arches his back so Jack’s fingers are just brushing the fabric of his sweatpants. “Fine. Go on, then.”

Jack makes a pleased sound and then his face is in Gabriel’s neck. The angel is so pliant from just having woken up, and he tilts his head away, offering up more of his skin for Jack to mark up.

He does so with haste, attacking Gabe’s neck while his hands finally migrate to those perfect cheeks. He’s surprised to hear a gratified moan escape his partner, and a rush of possessive pride strikes him. He was the one to coax that sound out of Gabriel. Nobody else.

His hands continue their assault, kneading and squeezing while Jack sucks a particularly dark hickey into Gabe’s shoulder. He suddenly feels hands twist in his hair, as if Gabriel is using him as an anchor. More of that confidence infects Jack and he pulls away, only to get punched in the gut with how debauched Gabriel looks.

The angel’s hair is mussed from sleep, curls splayed against the pillow, while his spit-slick lips are parted ever so slightly. His chest rises and falls quickly, and Jack notices that he’s rubbing his thighs together, possibly to achieve some sort of friction.

Well, for someone who takes pleasure in teasing and tormenting Jack to no end, he sure can’t take it.

Jack groans deep in his throat and rolls over, keeping his hands on the ass he’s been wanting to lavish with attention since before he can remember. His torso rests atop Gabriel’s, giving him more room to do whatever the fuck he wants to the angel who’s currently enjoying himself way too much.

“I should put my mouth down here someday,” he growls with a pointed squeeze of both cheeks, teasing a finger between them over the fabric of Gabe’s clothes. He’s not sure where this brash confidence is coming from, but he _loves_ it. He can’t believe that it took him this long to realize that his boundaries don’t include doing things to other people. Or maybe it’s just the extreme comfort with Gabriel, the friendship that they share outside the sweet words whispered in the middle of the night, that makes him like this.

His words, however they came to him, earn him a full-body shudder from his partner, and Gabriel hitches one leg over Jack’s waist, rolling his hips forward. _Fuck_ , he’s hard. Jack lets out a little moan into the angel’s neck where he’s finally finished leaving a pretty bruise, shifting his own thigh so Gabe can have something to grind against.

That possessive pleasure courses through him even faster, now. And he’d been _afraid_ that he wouldn’t be able to make Gabriel feel good. To make him moan.

Jack leans in to kiss the man in front of him, but he’s stopped by a firm, strong hand on his jaw. It squeezes and he thinks he must look rather silly like this, but Gabriel doesn’t seem to mind. Instead of making a snide comment, he merely snarls, “you better make good on your promises, _Jack_.”

The blonde laughs. To think that Gabriel wouldn’t hold him to that. He’s learned to appreciate how well the angel fights him on every front, if only to give him someone to match wits with. “You don’t need to worry about that. Not if it’s something that I’m looking forward to.”

Once Gabriel seems placated, he grunts and grinds into Jack’s leg again. Jack can’t help but stare at his face, gently guiding his hips with the hands on his ass. Gabe seems to get off on it, at least, as those beautiful breathy sounds make a return with some equally lovely facial expressions.

Jack knows that he can’t exactly give Gabriel everything he wants, but he can at least satisfy the little problem that he seems to have right now. They have time, after all.

“Can I suck your dick?” He asks it as he hooks a finger into the collar of Gabriel’s loose shirt, kissing and biting at the angel’s prominent collarbone. It’s absolutely lovely, in his opinion.

Gabe, surprisingly, shakes his head, and Jack is about to retreat to give him space when he places a gentle hand at the back of his neck.

“I don’t want you doin’ that if I can’t make you feel good too.” Jack takes a moment to register how _timid_ that sounds, to realize how smitten he is with this man, before leaning forward to claim Gabriel’s lips once more.

“That _is_ gonna make me feel good,” he urges. “I want to do that for you, if you’ll let me.” He’ll back off if Gabe truly doesn’t want to go through with it. To be honest, he’s thankful. A being that probably doesn’t crave any form of sex, waiting to be allowed to reciprocate so Jack can feel good too. It’s one of the sweeter gestures Gabe has made throughout this time they’ve had together, and it strikes at a vulnerable part of Jack’s heart, one that he thought he’d covered up a long time ago.

Gabe looks at him, almost studying his face as if he could be secretly lying. “…Alright. But as soon as you’re ready, I’m getting down there and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Jack chuckles as he pushes Gabriel fully onto his back. “Deal,” he murmurs as he pushes the hem of Gabe’s sleep shirt up to his chest. The toned stomach he finds there is nothing short of amazing, and he laves his tongue down Gabe’s abdominal muscles as he ventures further and further south. He’s marking up one of those lovely hipbones and dragging his hands along the curves of Gabriel’s otherworldly hourglass figure when he feels an odd twitch from the skin below his lips. He looks up, seeing his partner’s face completely red, and decides to do a little digging.

He bites Gabriel’s hip ever so gently, and he gets another pointed squirm as well as a flurry of hands attempting to push his face away.

“Wait… are you ticklish?” He asks with surprise in his voice, as if Gabriel couldn’t possibly make a body with that weakness.

“ _No,_ this body is ticklish! God, why did you have to figure it out now…” Gabe trails off into muttering, but Jack is still swept up by the fact that he has a weapon now. He explores it more, rubbing his thumbs in circles around those pointed hipbones, earning even more high-pitched laughter from above him.

Jackpot.

As he discovers through experimentation, it’s only Gabriel’s hips and his sides that are ticklish. Further towards the middle doesn’t garner the same reaction, though it does keep Jack interested in what’s going on in his pants. Gabe is wearing loose sweatpants and goddamn, Jack’s not sure how he didn’t notice how good they look.

Maybe it’s just because he can clearly see the outline of Gabe’s dick through them, but he’s tempted to tease and touch until he’s worked every possible reaction out of his lover.

Gabriel doesn’t seem to be down with that plan, however, as he thrusts his hips up and pulls Jack in for a searing kiss. “Will you stop fucking around and suck my dick already?” He growls it against Jack’s lips and there’s just enough of a tint of humor in there for Jack to feel confident that he didn’t mess everything up by stopping to torture his lover a little.

“All you had to do was ask,” he teases, playfully kissing the tip of Gabriel’s nose before lowering his body once more. He noses at the thick dusting of hair on the angel’s chest, following it down just below his navel. Jack looks up just as he dips his fingers below Gabe’s waistband, only to be met with a sexy, confident smile and a hand in his hair.

Well, if that doesn’t get him going then he doesn’t know what else will. Jack finally pulls Gabriel’s pants off, and absentmindedly grinds against the mattress when he finds that the angel isn’t wearing any underwear. To think that he might have gone commando the entire time Jack’s known him… it’s a heady thought.

“Damn,” he whispers as he regards his prize. Gabriel’s cock is much like the rest of him- unfairly enticing. It lays heavily against his stomach, nestled in coarse, curly hair between thick thighs that look even better uncovered. Gabe helps by kicking his pants the rest of the way off, laying bare and wanting, prime for Jack’s indulgence.

He has plans before he finally gets his mouth on Gabe’s dick, though. It’s selfish, he thinks as he bites and tongues at the thighs currently around his head. To keep his partner on the edge like this while he satisfies himself. But he’s wanted to get his head down here for months, wanted to feel Gabriel’s thighs close around his ears in pleasure.

So yes, he’ll take his time. Perhaps it’ll give Gabe something to remember him by while he’s at work. Plus, hearing all the frustrated noises he’s making get him riled up in a way he didn’t think was possible.

Gabriel’s legs are splayed, and Jack can feel his cock twitch against his cheek ever so slightly whenever he reaches a spot the angel particularly likes. He abuses it to no end, leaving a mark wherever he can garner the best reactions. Gabe’s voice is music to his ears, stuttered moans leaving him as he thrusts his hips up in vain. Though, whenever Jack looks up to check on him, he has the most languid smile on his face, as if he’s been expecting this for a while.

Perhaps he’s used to people worshipping him, but Jack is still happy to oblige.

He’s hard as all hell in his own pants, but the mattress provides just enough friction to relieve some of the ache while he devotes all his attention to his partner. Besides, Gabriel’s reactions give him plenty of ammunition to use in the shower later.

“C’mon, Jackie. I’m not gonna beg you. Get on with it,” Gabriel finally growls. Jack muses absentmindedly as he sucks one final mark into the junction between Gabriel’s pelvis and his thigh that yes, it _would_ be nice to hear the angel beg for him. Another time, perhaps.

He smirks up at Gabe and finally obliges, kissing the tip of his dick and tasting salty precum. Fuck, he responds well to teasing.

“That’s it,” Gabriel grits out, tilting his head back and hooking one leg over Jack’s shoulder. “Keep going.”

Jack gives a moan of approval and parts his lips over the head of Gabe’s cock, teasing his tongue in small circles as he hoists the angel’s other leg over his shoulder. He hasn’t done this in a while, so he takes it slow enough to get used to the feeling of having his mouth full again. Then again, they didn’t call him the blowjob master way back when for nothing.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Gabe breaths as the hand in Jack’s hair tightens, pushing down ever so slightly. It crosses his mind that Gabriel might be unused to human pleasure, given that many eons must separate the times that he’s visited.

That gives him the confidence to sink just a bit further, taking Gabriel halfway into his mouth and sneaking a hand up beneath his partner’s shirt to roughly grope at one of his pecs.

The responding moan he garners shoots a bolt of arousal straight down, and Jack kicks himself retroactively for not doing this sooner. His place is between these thighs and it has always been. His free hand sneaks down to squeeze at an ass cheek, coaxing Gabriel’s hips up into his mouth and back down, urging him to take advantage of his skills a little more.

Gabriel does so with a satisfied laugh, and Jack thought he couldn’t get harder, but apparently he can. Both of Gabe’s hands wind through his locks, taking hold and pushing. Jack relaxes his throat, feeling the tip of his partner’s cock press at the back of it.

The angel takes it slow, thrusting lazily into Jack’s mouth just enough for him to get acclimated each time. It’s unhurried, comfortable, and the blonde would spend the rest of the morning down here if he could. Knowing that he can pleasure Gabriel like this nearly makes him cum on the spot.

He locks eyes with the angel and moans around the dick in his mouth. Just _seeing_ how blown wide Gabe’s pupils are, watching as he bites his lip while he presses his hips even closer to Jack’s face… it’s almost too good to be true.

Jack doesn’t break eye contact, even when his nose is nestled safely in the curls of Gabriel’s pubic hair, and the angel immediately pulls away, leaving his mouth unfortunately empty.

Gabe curses, a blissful smile on his face, and Jack just laughs, bringing a hand up to jerk his partner off while he catches his breath.

“You’re trying to kill me,” Gabe sighs, his thumb breaching Jack’s lips. Jack sucks on it, a devious glint in his eye.

“You can be a little rougher, I’m not gonna break,” he says as the thumb leaves his mouth. Gabriel just rolls his eyes and groans.

“And there you go again. God, what planet did you come from and why do you want to torture me like this?”

“Earth, and it’s fun,” Jack says with a shrug. He leans down and runs his tongue up from the base of Gabriel’s dick right up to the tip, lingering there as he stares the angel down. He forgot how powerful this makes him feel.

Gabriel smiles back down at him, gripping his hair and pushing him down once more. The descent is easier this time, as Jack’s throat has gotten used to the intrusion, and he forces Gabriel’s hips up and down even faster, bobbing his head with each movement.

“I’m close,” the angel warns him, his voice cracking as it cuts off with a gasp. Jack moans, speeding up ever so slightly and trailing one of his hands down to gently fondle Gabe’s balls.

That seems to get him going, as Jack’s head is suddenly in a vice grip, the thrusts getting even more aggressive as Gabe nears his end.

Gabriel grits out what sounds suspiciously like Jack’s name as he cums, and Jack can’t help but keep moving his head as he coaxes him through his orgasm. It’s hot as hell, glancing up and seeing that beautiful mouth hanging open, watching Gabe’s chest rise and fall with heavy breaths as he comes back to the living.

Jack keeps moving until he hears the most beautiful whimper and feels hands tugging him away for real this time, and he pops off of Gabriel’s dick only to swallow and give him a Cheshire grin.

The angel drags him up for a kiss, and Jack’s sure he can taste himself on his tongue. “Cocky bastard,” Gabriel snarls.

“You called?” Jack flops to the side, smoothing his hand up and down Gabe’s flank. He’s painfully hard, but he’ll take the time before he has to greet the day to hold the man he just took apart with his mouth. It’s only fair.

Gabriel chuckles and rolls onto his stomach, stretching out in the morning sun like a particularly satisfied cat. Jack takes the opportunity to kiss the ass he just spent this whole time touching, leaving one more teasing bite before resting his head in the dip of Gabe’s spine.

His alarm clock rings not ten minutes later, startling him out of the lazy stupor of the morning. He groans and slumps out of bed, turning the damn thing off and stomping over to the bathroom with his clothes in hand.

It’s not the ideal setting for hurriedly jerking himself off, but he’ll make do. He’s been wanting this for an hour, and Gabriel’s desperate voice rings in his head, bringing him to a quicker climax than he’d like to admit. Then again, he’s been on the edge since he woke up, so he can’t blame himself that much. He cums with a strangled groan of Gabriel’s name, leaning one hand against the shower wall as water beats down upon his back.

“Don’t think I couldn’t hear all of that,” Gabe says slyly as he returns, fully dressed and just about ready for the day. “Just you wait until I get my hands on you. You’ll have a _lot_ more trouble keeping quiet, trust me.”

Jack scoffs and pats the angel’s ass. It bounces underneath his touch, making him gulp. “Yeah, yeah. All in due time.”

Gabriel’s head turns towards him for a kiss, and Jack happily obliges before leaving him to sunbathe as he goes off to work.

It wasn’t how Jack had _planned_ to spend his morning, certainly, but then again, his life hasn’t been ordinary since Gabriel was unceremoniously dropped into it. He couldn’t be more thankful.

***

Jack doesn’t think about admitting to being in love with Gabriel in a fit of passion. It’s not uttered on bruised lips during any kind of intimacy, or declared under the moonlight as he and Gabriel trace the edge of a pond with their steps.

No, it’s too late for that. Of course it has to be after they have a fucking fight.

It’s a bad day for both of them, it seems. Coworkers being insensitive to Jack’s condition, not to mention he woke up in a cold sweat this morning. Another nightmare, this one worse than most. Images had flashed before him of Ana and Reinhardt dead before him, bleeding out in some alternate universe where the worst has happened.

He shies away from Gabriel’s calming touch as soon as he gets his bearings, shouldering his way out the door without a second thought.

Coming back home is an ordeal in itself, discounting the fact that he’s already been through hell today. Every so often, there’ll be advertisers on the streets waving pamphlets around, and they’re out in droves today. One of them innocently lays a hand on his shoulder, and he barely has time to register that he quite forcefully shoved it away before he’s given a reproachful look. The kid mutters under his breath and moves on, and Jack suddenly feels both very stupid, and very exposed.

He hikes up the collar of his jacket and moves on, stumbling through the door and slamming it shut.

“Bad day?” It’s just nonchalant enough to irk him so much that he rounds on Gabriel, especially when he sees the angel leaning against the kitchen counter like he doesn’t realize something’s wrong.

“Bad day,” Jack huffs under his breath, like it’s a crime to even ask.

“Me too,” Gabriel says, pushing off the counter. “Wanna talk about it?”

Jack wonders what could possibly go wrong in _his_ life that could make today miserable. He’s an angel, for Christ’s sake, what could _he_ have to worry about?

“Why do you always do that?” It’s out of his mouth before he can even think about it rationally, and he’s too far gone to regret what he’s been thinking since he walked in the door.

Gabriel raises an eyebrow, clearly on the defensive. “Do what?”

“ _That_ ,” Jack says, his voice even more urgent and his hands gesticulating aggressively. “Acting like you don’t know exactly what’s going on. You act like you don’t know what fucked me up today, like you aren’t watching me 24/7 like I’m some kinda science project!”

It’s not true. It’s not how he thinks. It’s nothing like that, but Jack is fed up and angry and whatever spews from his mouth goes unchecked by every bit of morality he has left.

Gabriel doesn’t seem to pay attention to that fact, however. A grimace works its way onto his face and he crosses his arms, cutting himself off from Jack entirely. The cold expression he gives off is tangible in the air, and he shoulders past Jack so he can stand in the living room. More open space, more opportunity to just leave when things go even further South.

“I’m not talking about this right now,” he growls, making to sit on the couch but Jack isn’t done yet. He pursues, rounding the sofa and standing in front of the coffee table.

“Oh no you don’t,” he grits out, spreading his arms wide. “What’s up with you always asking your goddamn questions, huh? You want me to _tell_ you how bad it gets? How I can’t fit in anywhere because there’s no room for people like me? You want me to earn your fucking _pity?”_

Gabriel stands up, and Jack feels a blast of _something_ radiate from him. It’s invisible yet it nearly knocks him off his feet.

“You know, you spend all this time worrying about yourself, when maybe you could think about what it’s like for _me_ for once.” There’s an odd quality to Gabriel’s voice, something that Jack hasn’t quite witnessed before. It sounds like he’s almost… wounded in a way. Hurt by some invisible force. Jack had always thought of him as infallible. If something’s bothering him, then it must be serious.

Gabriel crosses the living room, standing in front of the door. Jack makes to follow him but he’s rooted to the spot.

“You wanna know what it’s like to know everything? To be in so many places and hear so many voices in your head at once?!” Gabriel’s voice sounds thick with anguish, and Jack squints. There are tears in his eyes.

“It feels like my head’s going to explode and there’s nothing I can do about it, _that’s_ how it feels. I can never turn it off, and it’s been like this since the dawn of time. Do you know how _long_ that is?! Everything in existence, screaming in my head like it’s their goddamn right to.” Jack tries to open his mouth, tries to intervene, but Gabriel just keeps talking. Ranting, small hiccups making their way into his speech.

“So, forgive me for wanting to act like it doesn’t happen, just for a little bit. God, you don’t know how little time I have here, how being here feels like _seconds_ compared to how long I’ve been alive. Excuse me for wanting to feel _human_ for once!” Jack snaps his jaw shut. He had no idea… no. He hadn’t taken the time to think about what it must feel like to exist as something more than human. Gabriel has always acted so _normal_ , so down-to-earth, and he’d always assumed it was to make Jack feel more comfortable.

He never considered the fact that Gabriel might get something out of it too.

“Gabe,” he finally begins, all malice and frustration vacant from his voice.

Gabriel holds up a hand, and Jack stops. He should have stopped before he let this get out of hand.

“I’m fine,” the angel murmurs, more to himself than to Jack. “Just… give me some time.” With that, the door closes, and Gabriel is gone.

Jack sinks down onto the couch, his head in his hands. He should have known that Gabriel wasn’t here to give his pity. He’d had 17 years of watching Jack, of course he’d feel something more. And now, here he sits, knowing that he’d had the opportunity to at least provide his partner with some semblance of humanity, and he failed to do even that.

After Gabriel did so much for him from the moment they first met.

To say he feels like shit is an understatement. He feels like the worst of the worst, undeserving of everything he’s shared with the angel up until now. Gabriel gave him the strength to make his own life better.

Jack reminded both of them that what they have measures up to a blip in the cosmic timeline.

He doesn’t move from his spot until he’s absolutely starving for some kind of food. Even then, he barely thinks about what he’s putting in his body. He vaguely remembers to heat up the leftovers at all before he’s scarfing them down and spending the rest of the night in his room.

The bed is cold, empty. He’d forgotten how that felt since he and Gabriel had fallen for each other. Apologizing seems miles away at this point, since Gabe would actually have to come _back_ for that to happen. Jack knows that it’s not right to go looking for him. He shouldn’t assume that Gabe would even want to see him, to be honest.

He knows it’s his fault. The only thing he can hope for is some sort of forgiveness.

Jack falls into a restless sleep with the knowledge that he never got to say “I love you.”

The night is cold, long, and ruthless. More images plague Jack’s mind, forcing him back to the living with a gasp and a tightness in his chest as soon as he realizes there are no comforting arms to hold him, no soothing voice to latch onto. He’s alone, hopefully just for now.

It doesn’t make it hurt any less.

After the third time he wakes, this time with Gabriel’s furious eyes flashing before his own, he doesn’t dare try to fall asleep again. He curls up in the middle of his mattress, shivering with choked sobs.

Gabriel still isn’t home. Jack goes to work with puffy eyes that he tried his hardest to wash away as the sun rose over the horizon. Nobody comments on it.

Jack figures that this is retribution. A reminder of the fact that he shouldn’t have gotten so comfortable just because Gabriel seems to be the perfect partner. Nothing lasts forever, and he’d finally crossed a boundary. The only thing for him to do is… continue existing.

He eats, drinks water, yet none of it can replace the growing chasm in his heart. He hates to admit that Gabe became irreplaceable without him even realizing.

Coming home is a trial within itself. His living room is a pit of solitude, invisible snakes roiling and hissing at him in reproach for his actions. It all seems so unfamiliar, now that there’s nobody to keep him company.

For the first time in a while, Jack dreads the weekend as he closes his eyes after sitting on the couch in the waning hours of the day.

The soft unlatching of the lock catches Jack’s ears just in time for him to sit bolt upright. He can’t see the doorknob turning but he can certainly hear it, and every nerve is on fire as he lies in wait, ready for whatever intruder that dares enter his territory.

He sneaks over to the doorframe, crouched slightly with his fists clenched, just as the door opens and the light of the hallway breaches his living room. A large body crosses the threshold and Jack throws the first punch.

Only… it doesn’t connect.

His hand is held in a familiar grip, an all-too-welcome face greeting him as he looks up.

“Gabe,” he whispers, the word swallowed up by the cold air in the room. All the tension leaves his body, and he throws himself at the angel with all he has.

“I’m sorry,” he sobs, clutching at Gabe’s hoodie like it’s the only thing keeping him in the room. The door accidentally slams shut behind him, and he flinches. “I’m so sorry.” Jack desperately kisses Gabriel, trying to stuff all his emotions and words into one touch. “I didn’t know what it’s like for you, I should’ve asked.”

“Yeah, you should’ve asked.” Gabriel’s voice sounds defeated and that only makes Jack feel guiltier, but his arms come up to drape over the vet’s waist all the same. “I should’ve read the mood more too.”

Jack shakes his head vehemently. He refuses to imagine that Gabriel could possibly be at fault for anything that happened. It’s just not possible. “I’m the one that fucked up, you don’t need to apologize to me.”

Gabriel just chuckles, his voice a little strained when Jack squeezes him a bit too hard. “Yeah, well. Seems like we’ve both been having a rough time.”

Jack doesn’t argue with that. He’s learned his lesson.

He forces his face away from where it’s buried in Gabe’s hoodie, looking him in the face as his thumbs trace over regal cheekbones. God, he can’t deny himself any longer.

“I love you,” he whispers. Four months, he’s been waiting to say it. Four months, he’s been unable to. “I love you so much, Gabe.”

The angel looks at him, surprised. Jack stares back sheepishly. As if he has no right to say something like that.

“I love you too,” he finally admits, although it’s been unspoken this entire time. Jack feels himself drawn into another hug. “You’re a goddamn idiot, but I love you.” Jack laughs wetly, kissing Gabriel’s neck and refusing to let go of him.

They stand there for however long it takes for both their breathing to settle into something that resembles normal, and Jack sighs as he works a hand into Gabriel’s hair. God, he didn’t know how much he’d miss touching those curls.

“If you don’t want to sleep with me tonight, I understand.” He figures he could at least give Gabriel the option, in case he’s uncomfortable with sharing a bed. It’d be perfectly reasonable, given what they’ve gone through.

Gabriel immediately shakes his head. “No, I want to be with you. I… missed you too.”

The admission nearly makes Jack cry all over again. He just nods, rubbing his tear-stained cheek against Gabriel’s beard for comfort. He drags the angel over to the bedroom, pulling him into bed and wrapping his arms around him.

They lay there, sleepless, until Jack can’t hold back the question that’s been pressing at him all this time.

“Where did you go?”

Gabriel tenses for a moment before relaxing. “I was… around. Took a couple other forms. Hung out with the kid for a while. He asked where you were, by the way. I think he thinks we’ve been together this whole time.”

Jack lets out a tired laugh. They have, if he thinks about it.

“What was bothering you?” He should have offered his ear as soon as Gabriel admitted to his day going south. He should never have spurned that opportunity.

The angel shakes his head, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. “It doesn’t matter now,” he says finally. Jack flinches. “Got a bit of concerning news, that’s all.” He can tell Gabe doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, and that’s fine. He won’t press.

“I’m sorry I was so stupid.” He’s apologized so many times at this point, but it never hurts to say it again.

“I’m not gonna say it’s okay.” It stings, but Jack can’t fault him.

“That’s fine. Doesn’t have to be okay.” Gabriel looks up at him, almost stunned. He smiles. It’s so goddamn beautiful.

“Good answer.”

***

Jack isn’t one for conventional romance. At least, that’s what he tells himself as he sits across from Gabriel in the middle of a fancy restaurant, a candle adorning their table as they wait for their appetizer.

Only a week ago, Jack realized that he’d never taken the angel _out_ properly. They’d taken walks together, sure. They’d gone to the beach, after which Gabriel laughed at Jack for getting sand in his socks. He didn’t press Jack to take his shirt off though, so the vet forgave him pretty quickly.

And still, after eight months, nothing they’ve done has involved Jack baring any part of his torso. He’s done all manner of nasty things to Gabe too, and many a fond memory involves the angel falling apart under his hands and tongue. Then there was the time he’d been planning on making some simple macaroni and cheese before Gabriel was suddenly there sucking him off in the kitchen. Then there was his birthday, where he’d ended up on his hands and knees being eaten out for an hour straight. That was fine. He’d been comfortable with that.

They still haven’t gone all the way yet, and Jack figures that he can warm himself up with a few glasses of wine and some good food. Plus, it gives him the opportunity to treat Gabriel for everything that they’ve shared together.

He thought he’d be confident. That is, until the angel greeted him with the freshest-looking dress shirt he’s ever seen, with a tie to match. If this experience is all post-mortem, Jack can’t tell.

His eyes are drawn back to Gabriel’s face, and Jack tentatively holds his hand under the table. They’ve gotten a booth on the far side of the restaurant, just in case there are any eyes. Jack reminds himself that they can’t all live in an idyllic world. At least, not all the time.

“Something on your mind?” The angel swirls his wine around before taking a sip, and Jack gulps as he sees the red liquid pass those full lips. God, he’s been ready for this since he saw Gabe in that outfit. Good thing he doesn’t have to patch up popped buttons.

“You,” he says with an overly saccharine gaze. Gabriel snorts and sets his glass down on the table.

“Sap.”

“Only for you.”

The smile that earns him is so radiant that Jack doesn’t think he’d mind being blinded, as long as it’s at Gabriel’s hand. He bumps his foot against his partner’s under the table, pleased to feel the gesture returned.

Their stupor is interrupted by their waitress setting down a full plate of calamari in front of them. As soon as Gabriel had seen that menu item, he’d excitedly grabbed Jack’s wrist and almost caused a scene. Apparently, he’d been lusting after it for eons, eager to taste it for himself.

Jack lets him have the sauce after discovering that it’s too much for his palette, and he takes the teasing from the angel with a smile. He’s long past getting upset about it. If anything, the sarcasm lets him know that things are going well.

It’s nothing like he would have suspected. Something about eating a squid should have turned him off, but Gabe brings out the daring bravery in him that he thought he lost. So, he partakes in the dish with gusto, only to discover that actually isn’t that bad.

“Told you,” Gabe says around his mouthful when Jack expresses that fact. “S’ good.” All in all, he lets his partner have the bigger portion, but he eats more of the dish than he’d expected to. He refills their wine glasses once they’ve drained them, raising his own in a toast. Gabriel follows suit, a curious expression on his face.

“To us,” Jack says, and Gabriel’s shoulders shake with content laughter.

“To us.” Their glasses clink together and they both drink, though they share a look of something more behind their eyes. It’s a look of want and need, and Jack is surprised that even with what that suggests, he feels comfortable. Perhaps all he did need was time. And someone that showed him that it isn’t all completely bleak.

Jack’s about to tell Gabriel everything, confess to every thought, every want he’s ever had, when a timid voice asks what they want for their main course. Apparently, the tension between them is so palpable that even others can sense it, and Jack sheepishly suggests that they dial it back after they order and the waitress scurries away.

Gabe nods and takes a swig of his wine. They sit in silence for a while, shyly looking at each other every so often as they pick at what’s left of the calamari.

“Seriously,” Gabriel begins while they wait. “We’re at a fancy-ass restaurant and you just order steak?”

Jack holds up his hands in surrender. “They’re supposed to have good steak! Besides, why are you complaining? You’re the one that ordered pasta.”

“It’s _fancy_ pasta, excuse you. Don’t judge just because you don’t know what tetrazzini is.”

“Tetra-what?”

“Never mind.”

“Well, I ordered fancy steak and you can’t have any. So there.” Jack won’t admit that he pouts a little, just to make Gabriel laugh. As long as it works, he has nothing to worry about.

Gabriel raises an eyebrow. “You’re gonna let me have some of that steak.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Jack shakes his head in disbelief. “Such a brat, I swear.”

Gabriel smirks, trailing a finger over the rim of his wineglass. “What are you gonna do about it? Like I said, I’m always waiting to be punished.”

Jack nearly chokes. His eyes grow wide and his ears burn, a host of images playing through his mind. It’s not like he hasn’t _thought_ about it, he’s just always worried that Gabe isn’t actually into that kind of stuff.

“Oh? Did I strike a nerve?” Jack glares, a smirk playing across his features. Gabriel is still excessively proud of himself, resting his chin on his hand as he waits for Jack to try and outplay him.

“Oh, you struck something alright.” Gabe won’t get the pleasure of Jack’s reactions. That can be saved for later.

“You can tell me all about it when we get back home.”

“I’d rather show you.” Jack blurts it out before he can stop himself, and Gabriel blinks at him, surprised. Well, so much for concealing his plans.

The expression transforms into one of victory and Jack’s completely gone. “I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me,” Gabriel says, a seductive little smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth that Jack wants to wipe right off.

He can barely contain himself in his seat, and the arrival of their food is such a welcome distraction that he nearly sobs in relief. He cuts into his steak, eyeing the tetra-whatever on Gabriel’s plate curiously. It certainly _looks_ like fancy pasta, and the angel appears to enjoy it immensely.

The steak is every bit as good as Jack’s heard, too. It’s not dry at all, and he’s halfway into it when he realizes that his partner is staring at him right back. He swallows and cuts another piece, dangling it in front of Gabriel.

“C’mon, you know you want a taste.” The angel rolls his eyes and opens his mouth, allowing Jack to feed him. He chews thoughtfully for a moment, his eyes lighting up with pleasure.

“Okay, I believe you. That’s fancy steak.” Jack chuckles. Score one for him.

Gabe gathers a bit of everything on his plate onto his fork, holding his hand under it as he offers it to Jack. The blonde gladly partakes, interested in whatever’s supposed to be special about plain old pasta. He didn’t expect there to be chicken in it, for one thing. He takes a few moments to gather his thoughts, noticing that Gabe is staring at him expectantly.

“That’s some fancy pasta.”

“Exactly. Glad you’ve finally seen the light.” Jack wants to say something cheesy, something stupid about how Gabriel helped him see the light long ago, but he keeps it to himself. He doesn’t want to ruin the moment just yet.

As he finishes his meal, it strikes him that this is one of the most conventional things he’s ever done with a partner. This is Ana and Reinhardt stuff. This is a relationship. It’s something he can’t remember, something he doesn’t know that he’s ever _had_ , at least with an intensity such as this.

He feels more strongly about Gabriel than he has for anyone else. And by god, he’s earned it.

He takes a look at the man in front of him, the flickering candle casting minute shadows across his face, its light reflecting in eyes that are always so _alive_ , so brimming with quiet emotions that never have to be verbalized. There’s always something about Gabriel that gets to him, that makes him nearly overwhelmed with how much he’s allowed to _feel_.

Gabe no longer gets shy when Jack finds himself staring. He stares right back, keeping their electric eye contact for as long as it takes for one of them to say something. Jack wouldn’t have it any other way. He pushes, Gabe pulls, and they both make whatever effort they can to take care of each other. It’s better than he ever thought he deserved. Better than he thought he’d reach in life.

_He_ gets better with every day.

“You mean so much to me. ‘I love you’ can’t fuckin’ cut it and it kills me,” he says, honesty bleeding through in his voice.

Gabriel blushes, one of the rare times that he allows his body to do so. “I could tell you so much in the other languages I know and you wouldn’t understand any of it,” he chuckles. “But every single day I want to tell you. Trust me, I do.” Jack trusts him. Every day of his life, he puts his trust in this man. And it hasn’t been misused or betrayed.

“You never treat me like I’m something fragile. So many people look at me and Ana and Reinhardt and just avoid us, or look at us like we’re a bunch of ticking time bombs. You never do, you actually treat me like a _person_. I can’t tell you how good that makes me feel.” Gabriel makes a wounded noise and cups Jack’s face.

“I think I have a good idea,” he says sweetly. Jack turns to press his lips into Gabe’s palm, staring at him all the while. Gabriel meets his gaze with one of love and pure _want_ , and Jack’s not sure anyone’s ever looked at him like that before.

He’s about to poke his tongue out of his mouth to do something obscene when he notices the waitress timidly making her way towards their table. He immediately holds Gabriel’s hand, dragging it under the table, and smiling falsely at her.

She takes their plates after getting their order for dessert, hurrying away towards the kitchen. Gabe starts laughing after she’s gone, running a hand through his hair. It’s blessedly uncovered today, as he forwent the beanie in favor of looking more formal.

“I think we scarred an innocent 20-year-old.”

Jack shrugs. “Eh, what can you do? There are scarier things than PDA.”

Dessert comes in the form of a few scoops of ice cream, as it seemed like the quickest thing to order and Jack’s just about done with staying here. He hands Gabriel the second spoon and they both dig in, as if racing each other to finish first.

Gabriel looks at him when he’s finished, even as Jack pays for everything and hands the check off. Jack leans back in his chair, only to blink in surprise when a thumb wipes at the corner of his mouth.

A bit of whipped cream comes away with the angel’s finger, and Jack holds back his reaction as Gabe pops it into his mouth.

It’s when Gabe makes a moan that can only be classified as pornographic that Jack loses it. He covers his mouth and giggles, gripping the table hard enough for them both to hear a slight crack.

“Ew,” is all Jack manages before Gabriel’s laughing too, his thumb still stuck in his mouth. Jack barely notices the check by his arm, and he pockets his card, still shaking with silent laughter. Gabriel’s face is playful, with just a hint of something sultry, and they’re both past waiting now.

“Wanna get out of here?”

“Fuck yes.”

***

Gabriel is on him the moment the door closes. After Jack hastily shoved money at their cab driver and dragged his partner up the stairs, how could he be anything but hasty?

Jack chuckles. “You taste like garlic and whipped cream.”

Gabe just draws him closer, biting his lip in retribution.

They kick off their shoes and socks, stumbling barefoot into the bedroom where Gabriel shoves Jack down onto the bed and climbs on top of him. The angel straddles his hips, kissing the life out of him while he starts unbuttoning Jack’s dress shirt with deft fingers.

Jack does the same, accidentally sending one of Gabe’s buttons flying across the room in his haste to get out of the clothes that are currently suffocating him. The angel doesn’t seem to mind, shrugging the shirt off before attacking Jack’s neck with his mouth.

He can feel marks being sucked into his neck, and he knows that it’ll be hard to explain to anyone who sees. At the same time, an irrational thrill courses through him at the thought of being marked with Gabriel’s claim.

Jack paws at Gabe’s ass with rough hands, squeezing through his pants. His partner rolls his hips down, and Jack can barely take the feeling as he thrusts back up.

He drags himself away from Gabriel’s searching mouth to breathlessly ask, before they’re both too caught up to remember.

“What are you into?” He needs to know, he wants this to be as perfect as it can be, considering their situation.

“Anything,” Gabriel growls, unbuttoning the last of Jack’s shirt and throwing it to the side, leaving him in only a tight undershirt. “You?”

Jack nods. “Same. Fuck, how do you wanna do this, then?”

Gabriel rears up and pulls his own undershirt off, revealing toned skin that Jack immediately maps with his fingers. “Kinda want to give you a nice little show. That sound alright with you?”

Jack moans and nods immediately. “Yeah, that sounds perfect.”

Gabe smiles and yanks a little at the only thing separating Jack’s chest, hitherto unseen, from himself. “Tell me to stop and I will. I promise,” he says before he tugs it up.

Jack closes his eyes, holding his breath. He’s a little buzzed from sharing a bottle of wine, a little overconfident with how well Gabriel has responded to him these past eight months, but the moment he can feel the air of the room touch his bare chest, his bravado disappears. He feels more exposed than he ever has when Gabriel goes down on him, the source of his insecurity rising and falling with each hasty breath he takes.

“Jack,” he hears distantly, and Gabe’s hands touch his face. “Jack, look at me.”

He manages to open his eyes, expecting to see any number of things. Disgust, aggression, rejection.

Gabe’s pupils are blown wide, and he can barely see the irises he loves so much. His expression isn’t one of aversion. In fact, his hands seem like they’re itching to explore, to touch.

He wants to touch.

He _wants_ Jack.

“Tell me what I can touch, c’mon.”

Jack gulps. “Just don’t touch the scar too much.”

“You got it,” Gabriel murmurs before his hands leave Jack’s face immediately. The vet arches up as talented fingers squeeze his pecs, thumbing over his nipples before they venture downwards. His muscles twitch as they ghost over his burn scar, not out of disgust or aversion, but out of respect for his wishes.

He’s breathless with the fact that Gabriel wants him this much. That they can share this together without fear.

Gabe leaves a trail of sloppy kisses down Jack’s front, tangling those fingers in his happy trail as the others quickly unbutton his slacks. Jack feels the other man’s desire, feels sexier than he ever thought he would.

The angel mouths at his cock through his pants and Jack hisses in pleasure, spreading his legs to accommodate Gabe’s weight between them. There’s something all too erotic about being touched like that, and he’s not sure how much of this he can take before he’s begging to continue.

Gabe doesn’t seem intent on leaving him hanging, though, as his pants are on the floor soon enough and he’s being treated to more of that legendary mouth.

Jack lets out an embarrassing whimper as Gabriel shows no hesitation with paying as much attention to his dick as he possibly can, pressing a thumb to his perineum as he lowers his mouth all the way. And Jack thought _he_ didn’t have much of a gag reflex.

As enjoyable as it all is, Jack doesn’t want the night to end too early, and he pulls at Gabe’s hair to let him know. “Gabe, c’mon, I’m not gonna last that long if you keep doing that. Lemme touch you.”

The angel moans and gives him one last suck for good measure before he rises up, shucking his own pants off and dragging Jack on top of him.

“Want me to get myself ready for you?”

Jack growls. “Fuck no, I wanna do it.”

Gabriel laughs, the rough sound reverberating in Jack’s own chest. “Get on with it, then.”

The blonde doesn’t waste time, digging around in his nightstand for the lube and condoms he’d purchased about a month ago. He’s fingered Gabriel before, and the angel has gladly reciprocated, but this time it’s even more special. He can finally make good on what he’s promised both of them.

Jack coats his fingers, rubbing them together to warm them up as much as he can, before he shoves his tongue into Gabriel’s mouth, his middle finger teasing around his partner’s rim. He rolls to the side so he can be at a better angle, marveling at how tight Gabe always is as soon as his finger presses in a bit.

Gabe moans and pulls Jack’s hair, grinding back on his finger to get it even deeper. It’s only one, but it’s always a pleasure to work each other up like this, see how much they can take before they’re nearly insane from how good it is.

Jack adds another finger after he can feel his lover’s muscles relax, adding another dribble of lube for good measure. He curls them slightly, thrusting them in and out as he watches the mesmerizing twitch of Gabriel’s thighs. The angel’s noises awaken something primal within him, and he wants to coax every single moan and whimper out of his lover until he’s a writhing mess on the sheets.

“Jack, c’mon, hurry the fuck up.” There’s no heat behind the words, and it’s almost like Jack’s being begged to speed up. He curls his fingers once, twice, earning a startled shout before adding the third finger. He’s rougher with it this time, his fingers working overtime to make sure Gabe’s ready for him. Once it’s easy enough and his wrist is getting sore, he pulls his fingers out, satisfied at the noise it makes, before Gabe pushes him onto his back.

“My turn,” he growls before tearing open a condom and tossing the wrapper onto the floor to join their clothes. Jack hisses as Gabe rolls it onto his cock roughly. Damn, he’s determined to get this started. Gabriel slicks him up with lube, thoroughly but hastily, toying with him just enough for him to let out a frustrated groan and thrust his hips up to get the angel off his high horse and onto his dick.

“So impatient,” Gabe teases.

“You’re one to talk.”

Gabriel sticks his tongue out, wiping the excess lube onto Jack’s hip and positioning himself.

Jack sighs. “Oh, _thanks_.”

“You’re welcome,” Gabriel says proudly, though the smirk he wears disappears as he slowly sinks down onto Jack’s cock, taking his own pace. It’s better than his mouth, better than his hand, better than _anything_. Jack watches as his face contorts in pleasure, as Gabe bites his lip with a satisfied smile on his face as he finally seats himself all the way.

So this is what he meant by giving Jack a nice show. Gabriel is absolutely stunning, from the way his legs strain to keep him centered to the way Jack can feel his muscles tighten around him. It’s surprisingly intimate, even with as much raw passion as they had earlier.

Gabriel leans forward, and Jack grunts as the shifting provides some much-needed friction. Fuck, it’s so tight. He’s in no rush, however, as he shares a kiss with his partner. He can feel slight movements of the angel’s hips, responds with his own. He doesn’t focus on how desperate they both are, not for this moment at least. He just loses himself in the quiet comfort that Gabriel has always provided, the love that he knows they share.

He forgot how good it felt to be wanted like this. To be valued as more than just what he can offer physically.

“Love you so much,” he whispers between kisses. Gabriel hums his affirmation, grinding down just a little more.

“Love you too.” They stay like that for a while, slowly moving at each other’s pace, marking each other’s skin with hickeys. Eventually, the smallest pinprick of insecurity breaks through Jack’s consciousness, pressing at him until he has to ask.

He chuckles awkwardly. "You aren't, uh... starting any wars on alien planets or anything right now, are you?" It's selfish, he knows to demand the undivided attention of an infinite entity. Gabriel has probably done this with too many people to count, while simultaneously toppling empires with his spare energy. What is Jack to him? Why should Jack be any different?

His train of thought is interrupted by Gabriel taking his face in both hands and staring at him. Those soulful brown eyes bore into his own, and that handsome face breaks into a smile. There's that serious tone again, though this time it's laced with something that definitely isn't playfulness. It's sweeter, more sincere, like a needle full of fresh honey straight into the blonde's veins.

“No,” Gabriel whispers before kissing him again.

Jack feels tears threaten to spill down his cheeks, held back only by the thought of embarrassing himself while they’re like this. He presses his lips against Gabriel’s even harder, threading his fingers through his hair as if he’s trying to be absorbed into the angel’s consciousness by sheer force of will alone.

He has to believe Gabe. He has to believe that he’s somehow special. After all, it’s been 17 years.

He starts moving a bit faster, and Gabe responds in kind, rearing up so he can ride Jack properly. It’s so good, something that Jack hasn’t associated with sex in a long time. It’s nothing like the quick fucks he’s had in the past- it’s laced with such potent emotion that he does feel his eyes water eventually.

Gabriel’s expression is one of bliss, and his mouth hangs open in a perfect ‘o’ shape as choked moans escape him every time Jack thrusts up particularly well. They have time for being rough with each other later. Right now, it’s just them and the comfort they take with exploring each other’s bodies.

“You okay?” Jack soothes his thumb across Gabriel’s hip, just to hear the angel giggle. Still ticklish. Maybe he likes it.

“Perfect,” his partner moans back. “Fuck, Jack, you feel so good.”

“Yeah?” Jack takes a firmer hold and plants his feet on the bed, just so he can get a bit more leverage. It’s unhurried, but it’s still a firmer pace that makes Gabriel throw his head back and grip onto Jack’s thighs for support.  “Tell me what you want. Tell me,” he nearly begs. He wants to know what he can do, how he can make this better for Gabriel. As if it already wasn’t perfect for himself.

Gabe doesn’t say anything, though his hand slips down Jack’s sweat-slick thigh as he seeks out one of his hands. He holds it in a vice grip, and Jack is struck with how much he loves this man. How much he wants to spend the rest of his days right here, tripping over his own feet as he goes through life at Gabriel’s side.

He says none of it. Gabriel already knows.

Gabe is practically bouncing in Jack’s lap by the time he’s done musing over how intense his feelings are, his voice rising in volume as he nears his end. Jack’s embarrassingly close as well, and he fumbles his hand down to jerk his partner off in time with his thrusts.

Gabe lets out a strangled whine, forcing his head down to look Jack in the eye as they drag each other closer and closer to the edge. He takes both of Jack’s hands, pinning them to the bed, and Jack realizes that there can’t possibly be anything sexier than Gabriel using his cock to bring himself off.

He’s nearly hypnotized by the languid roll of the angel’s hips, the way he can feel the other man’s dick rub up against his stomach. It’s perfect in every way, and he’s so lost in the way Gabriel makes him feel that he barely registers when he tips over the knife-edge of orgasm.

He squeezes his eyes shut, unabashed by whatever facial expression he makes as his hips roughly jerk upwards, an unfiltered moan nearly forced out of his throat. He can feel Gabe clenching around him, working him through it, and as he comes to he realizes he hasn’t yet returned the favor.

He works one of his hands free, pulling Gabriel down for a kiss as the other reaches down to jerk him off again, and he powers through the slight overstimulation as he feels the angel grind down in his lap until cum coats his hand and he swallows another beautiful moan.

They come down from their highs slowly, breathing heavily into each other’s mouths and staring at each other. Jack brings his hand up to his mouth and licks up the evidence of Gabriel’s release, earning himself a seductive little chuckle that he’ll play over and over again if he’s given the chance.

“So,” he pants, “how’d I do?”

Gabriel laughs again. “Terrible. I hated it.”

Jack kisses him again, wincing as he pulls out so they can get cleaned up. Gabriel lays on his stomach, waiting for Jack to return with a warm washcloth and some water. He wipes the rest of the cum off his own stomach and tosses the condom away before tending to his lover, making sure to get all the lube splattered on the angel’s ass and inner thighs.

He doesn’t bother with the clothes. They can be ironed and hung up later. All he wants now is to collapse into bed with the man who gave him what he thought he’d never have again. Confidence in his own skin, as well as that special intimacy he’s craved from the beginning.

“I love you,” he repeats, pressing it into Gabriel’s skin with every kiss. He flinches once again as those questing fingers trace over the rough, burned skin on his side. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t make him feel any less attractive, at least not to the man in front of him.

Gabriel whispers to him in a language he doesn’t understand, though he’s pretty sure of the intended meaning. They lay there, their naked bodies pressed against each other as Jack admires the moonlight that illuminates the planes of his lover’s body.

He falls asleep, at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dan Savage voice* Sometimes you just gotta give your partner a blowjob for 45 minutes.


	8. Bereavement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All good things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been long enough. Thank you so much for being patient with this story, I had to put it on a hiatus to get through finals. But, here are the last two chapters on the same day! Well, technically the next one is an epilogue, but you get the idea.

In all his years, Jack never paid any mind to the concept of being “hopelessly in love.” He isolated that part of his own humanity, confining it to late-night romantic comedies and comic books with bloated plots that really have no business trying to portray a love story. It was always something that he could never project onto himself, something that was so distant from his everyday life that it was an entire world apart.

He thinks back on those times when his mind wanders. It fascinates him to remember that he thought love was giving up one’s own control. He realizes quickly that with Gabriel, “hopelessly in love” doesn’t have to be out of control.

Even on the days where he comes home beaten and battered from the day’s trials, he can allow himself to sink into strong arms that belong to the one person in his life that manages to stand him every day. And when his life is too much to bear and he _can’t_ have complete control for a while, it’s not like he loses it. Gabriel just… holds onto it for a while.

What’s important is that he always gives it back.

The angel is perfectly happy to act as a living pillow when he gets into his own head, be it offering up his lap, his chest, or hell, his entire body to cling to. Jack had been wrong with his initial snide remarks. Gabriel is a _much_ better cuddler than Reinhardt.

The worry that Gabe will somehow end up getting bored still remains, however. Jack is plagued by the fact that his lover is so incredibly extraordinary and that he’s simply… himself. There’s nothing otherworldly about him, and even though Gabriel is here and so outward with his love, the charred, betrayed part of Jack’s heart can’t help but hold doubt.

Though, at least on the outside, the angel seems to take solace in the fact that Jack is simply human. More often than not, it seems like Gabriel’s muscles actively relax as soon as he is allowed to embrace the more mortal elements of being here. It must be difficult, being a Divine entity. Dealing with an entire universe of problems day in and day out, contending with the other Archangels Gabe complains about nonstop.

Even if it’s just for however long he’s permitted to stay, Jack is glad to keep Gabriel’s mind off the heavier things.

The former soldier himself stands in his kitchen, reminiscing on the past two years as he turns over the small box in his hands. Jack supposes it’s only fitting that he thinks this over before presenting his gift. The whirlwind of emotions and experiences that make up Gabriel’s form swept through and nearly paralyzed him when they first got together, and yet here they both are.

Gabe still looks the same as ever, though Jack supposes he’s added just a touch of gray to those lovely curls to make his love feel better about his own hair. It’s gotten more silver as the years have passed, and he laments it in the bathroom mirror no matter how many times Gabriel sneaks his arms around his waist and nuzzles into it.

“It looks good, gives you character,” he always says. Jack bats him away every time, pouting by himself as he runs his fingers through his locks while still being too lazy to dye anything. Still, as long as he doesn’t look like he’s somebody’s grandfather by the time he turns 40, he can deal with whatever comes his way.

Jack still doesn’t understand how Gabriel can look at him every day and call him beautiful.

Enough is enough, he decides as he grips the box in his right hand. He adjusts the cuff of his sleeve nervously, waiting for Gabriel to emerge from their bedroom. Probably still making sure his hair sits right, Jack reckons. He never did get rid of that insecurity.

After what seems like an hour (though a quick glance at his watch tells Jack that it’s been 2 minutes), Gabe emerges from the bedroom looking absolutely stunning. Even after every single time the angel pulls a new outfit out of his extensive mental library, Jack is still lost for words. Absolutely hopeless, he muses.

“Who are you and what have you done with Gabriel Reyes,” he jokes in a low voice, stepping towards Gabriel and drawing the angel closer. “You really outdid yourself tonight.”

“We made reservations for some fancy-ass place instead of staying home and eating macaroni like _I_ wanted, but I’m still going to look good.” Ever the pragmatist, Jack’s mind helpfully supplies. He carefully slips the box into his pants pocket as Gabriel shoulders past him to get his coat. If all goes well, it’ll be a surprise after all is said and done, and hopefully Gabe will be amicable enough to accept this particular kind of trinket.

Jack keeps a steady hand at the base of Gabe’s spine as they walk downstairs, carefully removing it as they emerge into the frigid night air. He buttons up his coat, still refusing to wear a hat in the middle of winter, and starts walking.

“Still don’t understand how you managed to live here all your life,” his lover grumbles as they finally tumble into the foyer of the restaurant. Jack merely shrugs as he brushes the light dusting of snow from his hair and coat, leading Gabriel through the place as he follows their waiter.

Gabe chose this place after Jack insisted that they go out for dinner, claiming that two-year anniversaries aren’t meant to be spent staying at home with nothing to do. Gabriel had merely told him that “it’s assfuck degrees outside and my fingers freeze the moment I take my gloves off. Yes, they are.”

Still, after a playful argument, here they sit with an extensive menu of sushi dishes in front of them. Gabriel seems so interested in trying every possible flavor of food possible, so it was only natural to show him more diverse options when they were preparing for their anniversary dinner. The angel regards the menu as if it hung the moon, starry-eyed and transfixed by every option. Apparently, he didn’t have the opportunity to eat sushi the last time he visited Earth.

“You can get whatever you want,” Jack offers, already closing his menu. “I saved up for this because I figured we’d be spending a lot anyway.”

Gabe’s foot brushes his own under the table, and he can see a warm smile pull at the angel’s lips just above where he’s holding the menu.

“Thanks, Jackie.”

It’s probably not proper etiquette to talk about money at the dinner table, but screw it. Everything they’ve done up to this point has been comfortable, and Jack has no problem talking about it. Gabriel doesn’t seem to mind, anyway.

They settle on sharing a plate of tempura- Gabriel gets two exotic-sounding rolls and Jack stays with his old favorites. Gabe’s sushi looks incredible, and Jack plucks one piece of each off his plate, replacing them with two of his own.

“Rude,” Gabriel accuses without even looking up.

Jack already has a piece of sushi in his mouth.

Gabriel continues to play footsie with Jack all through dinner, and the latter discovers that his partner has surprisingly dexterous feet right around the point at which he feels the tip of Gabe’s shoe tease at his inner thigh. He clamps a hand down on it, glaring, and his partner merely sniffs and adds more wasabi to his soy sauce.

“Now who’s being rude?”

“Still you, _darling._ ”

Jack rolls his eyes. He might act disgruntled, but this back-and-forth he shares with Gabriel is one of the major reasons why he’s carrying the small box with him tonight.

The check comes with two fortune cookies, and Jack cracks his open to read _Take the next big step_ on the slip of paper. He presses at the lump in his pocket. What a coincidence.

Gabriel snorts and hands over his own fortune. _Big things come in small packages._ Jack mock-gasps and slaps Gabe’s forearm. “Pervert,” he grits out as he slaps down his card to pay for their meal.

“I’d only be a pervert if you weren’t thinking it too,” the angel manages behind his hand.

“That’s not how any of this works, you’re still disgusting!”

“Oh, but I’m _your_ kind of disgusting, aren’t I?”

Jack rolls his eyes and hands the check off to their waiter, thanking him. He grips Gabriel’s chin gently, looking around quickly before pressing a small kiss to the angel’s lips. “The most perfect kind of disgusting.”

Gabe sighs, resting his chin on his hand. “How do you make everything sound so romantic?”

“Special talent,” Jack admits, carding his fingers through his hair. “Everything I say is automatically romantic, didn’t you know?”

Gabriel snorts, leaning forward. Jack knows he’s about to get it. “Of course, because “shit-fuck-your thighs” is just the prime example of flirting.”

Jack blushes. He’s never lived that down, even though it happened nearly half a year ago. Gabriel had, in a fit of passion, asked him to talk dirty. He’d been so overwhelmed by the fact that he was, at that moment, fucking a certain pair of thighs that those words were all that came out. Gabe had been laughing so hard they had to stop and continue almost an hour later, sans a sizeable portion of Jack’s pride.

“I can’t help that everything about you drives me crazy,” he whispers, smirking victoriously.

Gabriel scoffs. “Cheeseball. C’mon, I want to cuddle when we’re home.”

Jack mutters a “yessir” before pocketing his card and holding Gabriel’s coat out for him. It’s darker outside, though no less frigid, and both men stick close to each other to conserve heat. Gabe is shivering by the time they shut the front door behind them, and he clings to Jack the moment that they have their coats off.

Jack knows that the moment Gabriel tries planting a kiss on his mouth, it’ll all be a wash. He knows he has to do this before the night is over.

“Wait,” he says, holding Gabe at arm’s length as he digs around in the pockets of his suit coat.

The angel raises an eyebrow, obviously concerned by Jack’s hesitance. “What’s wrong, Jackie? Did you get uncomfortable?”

Though that amount of consideration regarding his feelings is a blessing, it’s not what Jack’s mind is on right now. “No, no, there’s just… something I need to do before we get comfy. Close your eyes for me?”

Gabe gives him a curious smile and does as he’s told, holding his hand over his eyes and tilting his head upwards. Jack takes a deep breath and opens the box in his hand.

Inside is a simple gold band, not too gaudy or noticeable, but enough to shine in certain lights. It’s enough to match the specks in Gabriel’s eyes perfectly.

Jack’s heart beats out of his chest as he carefully slips the ring onto Gabe’s finger, bringing it up for a kiss after he does so. The angel draws quick breaths as he opens his eyes, immediately staring down at the ring. His gaze flickers from his hand to Jack’s expression over and over again, and eventually the latter holds his face in both hands, keeping their eyes locked.

“I know that you can’t be around here forever, I’m not stupid. I just… wanted you to have something to remember me by. I love you, so much, and I know that we can’t really get married, that’s too much to ask. But you wearing this would mean a lot to me.” It’s foolish, he knows. Gabriel’s physical form couldn’t possibly carry over to wherever he’s going next, but at least he can keep a symbol of Jack’s love for him.

Gabriel’s eyes seem to shine with emotion, tears leaking from the corners. Jack wipes them away with his thumbs, offering his lover a watery smile as hands come up to grip his wrists while he does so. Gabe steps forward and drops his forehead to the other man’s shoulder, nuzzling the muscle hidden beneath the tight-fitting buttoned shirt.

“I love it,” Gabe manages, his voice thick and cracked. “God, you’re perfect.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Jack chuckles, threading his fingers through soft curls and just holding Gabriel in his arms. He stays standing like that, slowly rocking from side to side as they keep each other safe in their embrace. “Thanks for still acting surprised, by the way.”

Gabriel lets out a precious little laugh. “No problem, Jackie. I’ve been emotional since you first started thinking about it, you have no idea.”

The feeling of the sturdy frame against his own never gets old. Gabe fits so well in his arms, and vice versa. Jack eventually drags them to the bedroom, shedding his clothes right down to his briefs and crawling into bed.

Gabriel follows him, as he always does. He curls up on the blonde’s chest, letting the glint of his ring catch in the faint light of the moon through the clouds. “I can’t believe you got this for me,” he whispers into the night.

Jack kisses the top of his head, inhaling the scent of his own shampoo. “Of course I did. I’m romantic like that, remember?”

He just gets a wet chuckle in return, but he knows what it means. “I love you,” his angel presses into his bare skin. Jack rolls over, pinning Gabriel underneath him and starting this whole dance anew.

“I love you too,” he whispers with each kiss he presses against his lover’s mouth. “Hope the anniversary was halfway decent, even if we didn’t get to eat macaroni.”

Another chuckle that Jack obsessively hoards like a dragon guarding its treasure. “Fuck the macaroni,” Gabe says happily, pulling Jack down for more affection. He squeezes the vet’s left ring finger, and an identical band appears in the wake of his hand.

Jack ends up with his leg thrown over Gabriel’s waist, holding the angel’s head to his chest as they lay there in relative silence. All jokes about Jack being a clingy teddy bear are nonexistent, and the sound of Gabe’s breathing lulls them both into a state of slumber. For all the attention the angel pays to his pecs when they’re really going at it, he seems perfectly content to keep his face between them, his beard and breath tickling Jack’s skin.

The sensation is so real, it hurts. It reminds Jack that they’re here, that they love each other.

It reminds him that he’s wonderfully hopeless for this man.

***

It’s perfect. Until it’s not.

Jack pokes his head in the doorway of the aparment cautiously at the sound of heavy breathing on the other side. Part of him hopes that Gabriel is working himself up to give him a little surprise as soon as he steps across the threshold. But, at the first sight of the angel sitting on the couch nearly tearing his own hair out, Jack knows that’s not the case.

“Gabe?!” His voice leaps up an octave because in all the days they’ve spent together, he hasn’t seen his partner act like _this_. There’s something so viscerally human about the panic he sees in Gabriel’s eyes when he looks up, it’s unnatural. Like something so painful should never cross the features of such a beautiful creature.

Jack slumps over on the couch, his chest clenching as Gabriel flinches when he’s touched. “Talk to me, what’s going on?” He carefully removes the tense hands from where they’re doing serious damage to graying curls, holding them tightly and kissing each finger. His lips linger on Gabe’s left hand, right above the ring on his finger.

Gabriel looks at him with a heartbroken expression, and Jack wants to scream, to cry at whoever or whatever made him feel this way. “Come here,” he whispers, snatching the angel into his arms and holding him as he shakes with anxiety.

“I can’t hide it from you anymore…” Hide what? They share essentially everything regarding their human lives with each other, what could Gabriel possibly be concealing from Jack?

“I don’t understand, what are you hiding?”

“Michael knows.”

The realization hits Jack like a freight train. He was a fool to think their relationship could ever be a secret, and he knows that now. He can only imagine what Gabriel has already sacrificed to stay with him for over two years.

“How long?” He has to know. He has to process the amount of suffering Gabriel has had to go through just to stay on Earth as his partner.

Gabe looks at him, finally, and his eyes are swollen and puffy as if he’s been crying for hours. “A little more than a year and a half. I think you know when I’m talking about.” He sighs, morbid and harsh, his voice sounding like it’s gone through some sort of filter. It’s lost the honeyed texture it had just this morning, and something about it is hollow enough to be acutely painful.

Jack knows exactly when he’s referring to. Bad news indeed.

“It took him so little time to find out what my endgame was,” Gabe continues, heedless of Jack’s pondering. “It was like a blink of an eye for him.” The angel tries to go back to fidgeting with his hands but Jack takes them and holds them tight. “He’s been holding it over my head this entire time and he’s been getting so vicious about it, I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore.”

“You never needed to keep it a secret, Gabe.” Jack lets go of his partner’s hands and draws him even closer. He pets through those abused curls, unable to part from the man he loves for even a second. Because he knows, now more than ever, that looking away might very well mean that Gabriel won’t be there when he looks back.

“No point in dwelling on it,” the angel sighs. “Even we can’t manipulate the past.” He takes a deep breath and continues. “He told me that he’d keep it a secret if I pay him something in return. I’ve yet to see what that ‘something’ is, but I doubt it’ll be good. Thought we weren’t allowed to deal in debts…”

Jack shakes his head rapidly, gripping Gabriel by the shoulders and holding him steady. His lover looks like he hasn’t slept in days and it’s almost like he’s frayed at the edges. He looks smoky, much like the formless mass he’s only shown to Jack in dire times.

“You should’ve never made that deal, Gabe! Nothing’s worth whatever risk you’re taking just to stay here with me!” Jack can feel himself breaking down as well, his cheeks nearly scalding and his eyes itching with unshed tears.

Gabe just peers at him incredulously, looking down at their laps and scoffing. Jack sits in confusion, watching as beautiful, always-soft hands grip his own cheeks.

“You can be so dense sometimes,” Gabriel says, a pained smile on his face. He’s that calm kind of devastated now, it seems. Quiet acceptance of what’s to come. “ _You’re_ worth that risk.”

Jack tries to argue, to offer a rebuttal, but he’s silenced as Gabriel kisses him for all he’s worth. Gabriel, the man who showed him that he’s more than his past, that he’s worth something to others. Gabriel, the man who wears a golden band on his finger like it means something more than all the eons he’s lived through. The man that constantly challenges him, argues and prods at him like it’s his favorite pastime.

Gabriel, the love of his life.

“Don’t go,” Jack pleads, his cheeks wet with tear tracks.

“I don’t know how long I have left.” Gabriel kisses away the tears at the corners of Jack’s eyes. “But just know that I’ll hang on until the very last second. I’m not leaving you without a fight, you can trust me on that.”

By God, does Jack trust him.

Gabriel can’t seem to take his hands off of Jack’s body, but he’s far from complaining. The longer they stay in contact, the longer Jack can falsely prolong the time they have left together. “I love you,” he grits out between the heaving breaths he takes with each sob.

“I love you, so much. No matter where I am, I’ll be thinking of you. I’ll always keep an eye on you. I promise.” Gabriel kisses him again, pressing their chests together as if they can somehow become one and escape this cruel fate. Jack pulls him in, desperately clawing at his back and gripping him like he’s the only thing left in the world. Sometimes, it feels that way.

Gabe seems to be the sober one now, as he stands and hoists Jack into his arms. The latter instinctively wraps his legs around his waist until he’s dropped unceremoniously onto the bed and clambered on top of.

Both of their faces are tacky and stiff with dried tears, and Jack feels out of place with the world, even though Gabe is right there touching him. They stumble into the shower after kissing for a long while and reacquaint themselves with each other’s bodies, water battering Gabriel’s back as they stand there under the spray. The moisture soaks into his curls, and it drips down over his face as if he’s crying anew. Jack’s sure he’s in a very similar state.

Neither of them bother putting clothes back on as they fall into bed, freshly showered and more at home in their own bodies. All Jack wants is to blur the edges between himself and Gabriel, so nobody knows where one starts and the other begins. They couldn’t possibly take him away if that was the case.

He settles for holding his angel as close as he can, his head pressed right above where he can hear a heartbeat. It’s strong, just like all the other nights he wakes up in a cold sweat and Gabriel’s heart is the only steady thing he can access. It’s become something that lulls him to sleep more often than not, only this time it keeps him ever conscious. Ever present, almost obsessed with the way Gabe could be ripped away from him without a moment’s notice.

There’s a sensation underneath Jack’s skin. It’s almost an itch, and it burns within him, threatening to burst from his chest and devour him whole. He squirms against Gabriel’s chest, his fingers making small temporary indents in the miles of smooth bare skin.

It abates a little when Gabe kisses him. Jack draws him in closer, desperately keeping the contact like he’s trying to brand his lover’s touch into his own skin. Like it’ll deepen their bond so Gabe can’t leave when the time comes.

When they make love, it lasts late into the night. It’s passion concentrated into every calculating gaze, every soft sound either of them make, and Jack’s heart feels like it’s going to explode from the intensity. He doesn’t look away, even when Gabriel presses into him and his back arches. His hands clutch at the headboard, at his own hair, eventually settling on the majestic planes of his lover’s face.

Gabriel is slow, almost torturously so. He takes what feels like hours of their dwindling time working Jack up to the point where he can’t take it anymore, using his mouth and his fingers and his words to get them both into a contained frenzy.

He finally relents when Jack begs him, his voice barely above a whisper, to get on with it. It’s not a clashing of wit or any of the adventurous things they’ve tried in the bedroom. It’s so simple it hurts, so easy that Jack aches with every measured roll of Gabriel’s hips into him.

The entire time, the angel’s gaze never leaves his own. He stares into the depths of the eyes he fell in love with, knowing his own are wide with pleasure and emotion. Their connection remains when the angel carefully kisses Jack’s hand, his tongue darting out to feel the difference between the metal of the promise ring and the hot, slick skin of Jack’s finger.

Of course he eventually feels tears slide down his cheeks again. Gabriel’s the only one that can ground him in the depth of his own emotion. It would be a prison, save for the fact that he never wants to leave. He never wants to give up how he feels.

Jack desperately rips one hand away, gripping at his lover’s and entwining their fingers. He squeezes tight, as if Gabriel’s own ring will leave a permanent indentation in his right hand. As long as it’s there, he’ll have a part of this man.

As they both near their end, Gabriel leans over and drives his hips forward more, mingling his breath with Jack’s as they press themselves closer and closer. Their kiss is a promise that must be broken, and both of them know it. Yet, they still cling to that one singular hope.

Jack’s orgasm washes over him slowly, not as forceful as the many he’s had in this two-year relationship, but just as amazingly intense. A few more tears force their way from his eyes as he comes down, and the aftershocks leave him with flashes of familiar brown eyes dancing across his vision. Gabriel doesn’t pull out of him just yet, opting to share a few more languid kisses before doing so. Jack is left in a haze as they clean up, only really returning to the living as he’s gathered up and clung to.

“I love you,” they whisper at points. Jack knows that words will never match up to how they feel. But for now, he’s satisfied with just saying it. Perhaps one day it will sink in how much they both truly mean to each other.

Jack isn’t sure when he falls asleep, though he knows it’s pitch black outside, stars dotting the expanse of the sky. The part of him still trying to cling to consciousness finally gives up, and he sinks into the warmth of his bed and his lover’s body.

He catches flashes of a voice in his head through his dreams. Snatches of conversation, soft whispers, everything in between. He reaches out for it clumsily, almost as if his arm weighs too much. He can’t catch what’s being said in full, only that the voice sounds all too familiar. It’s the voice he wants to hear for the rest of his life.

He does, however, catch the final snippet.

“I love you. I have to go now.”

Jack lurches up in his bed, fully awake.

Gabriel is gone.

***

The first day of being alone again is quite possibly more painful than being blown up overseas. Jack sobs in his bed for a good hour, clutching at the sheets that are still warm, at the pillow that still bears Gabriel’s scent.

At least when he thought he was going to die, it was among friends. Now, it’s just him and the knowledge that he didn’t get to say goodbye.

He drags himself to the shower after another hour of lying motionless in bed, breathing in the quickly fading traces of Gabriel’s presence in his life. A quick look at his finger lets him know that at least he’s still wearing his ring. That seems to be the only piece of his lover he has left. He looks up at the ceiling as he lets water stream down his face and wonders if somewhere up there Gabe is wearing his.

Gabriel promised he’d be watching. Jack thought he wouldn’t miss the sensation of being monitored by something.

And yet.

Jack shakily dials his work and takes the rest of the week off, figuring that even through all his stubbornness, he can do this for himself. There’s no way he can be any sort of useful when he’s just lost someone so important to him.

What they had was so entirely _special_. And yet, part of Jack has always known that it couldn’t have lasted forever.

He falls into a pit of depression pondering what it would have been like to watch Gabriel stay fit and nimble as he himself aged, and he finds himself crying again. It’s all he can do to drink water after three hours of dehydrating himself.

His limbs feel weighted, almost as if he’s half out of place with himself, as if Gabriel tried to take part of him along on his journey. All he ended up managing to do was displace Jack from his own reality. Perhaps that’s what makes it slightly less painful than it could be.

The second day is worse. Jack shudders in his fitful sleep, tossing and turning as the world turns cold around him, ashes falling from the sky. He jolts awake, his arm flailing to the right and bashing itself against the corner of his nightstand.

He curses through the pain, feeling around so he can wake- no. Nobody.

He’s alone, he reminds himself.

After checking to make sure nothing is broken or damaged, he wraps his hand up just to make sure and falls back into bed, all too aware of how inexplicably _cold_ everything is around him. His skin crawls with the sensation of the room closing in around him, and it becomes so unbearable that he screams just to hear _something_ real. Something he can recognize. It just so happens to be his own anguish.

He stumbles into his living room, turning on every light and curling up on the couch with a blanket. The television provides no small comfort as he puts it to static, clearing out the fuzz in his brain. He brews a cup of hot tea with the blend Ana gifted him with, trying not to let his tears mix with the translucent liquid.

His skin feels too tight to emote, to laugh at his sorry state, to grimace as he nearly burns his tongue drinking too fast.

He never felt this way when anyone else left him. Not even his dead squad mates, burned away in another time, could measure up to this heartbreak. Perhaps it’s just Gabriel’s own larger-than-life presence that amplifies the pain, that left a bigger hole in his heart than anything else possibly could. Jack wonders what the angel must think of him now.

If he truly is watching.

Jack turns his head only slightly as the sun eventually rises over the horizon. It almost mocks him, with its cheery aura symbolizing a new day. He doesn’t _want_ a new day. It’s not worth it when he has to wake up alone, without the radiant smile that would always greet him, or the rare smell of breakfast cooking when he manages to sleep through the night.

_Breakfast_ … Jack’s stomach growls at the thought. It hits him that he hasn’t eaten in about 24 hours. He stumbles over to the kitchen, setting his empty mug down in the sink and putting something simple together. He scarfs it down without a second thought, leaning on the counter and staring off into the distance. The TV is still playing static. He tries to make out shapes within the noise, flashes of obscure memories and images.

He only moves when his knees begin to hurt.

He shuffles over to the couch again, letting his exhausted body sink into the cushions. It’s by no means comfortable, but he’s not feeling much of anything right now. The overwhelming loss of meaning to his life presides over most things.

Gabriel wouldn’t want this, he thinks morbidly. He wouldn’t want Jack to carry on as a husk of a man, getting by with barely an independent thought to see him through. Jack’s only silver lining at this point is that if he were in the place he was when he first met Gabe, something like this would have killed him. As if that wasn’t already overdue.

Jack lays there, unable to truly doze off, for however long it takes. He’s lost track of time at this point, barely eating anything until he can’t take it anymore. It’s evening when he first steps outside the apartment, and that’s only to check his mail.

He rifles through bills, setting them aside to do later, when the lovely blue invitation that’s been sitting on his counter for the past week catches his attention once more.

_Please join us for the wedding of Ana Amari and Reinhardt Wilhelm_.

Jack skims the rest, as he’s done countless times, but his eyes fixate on that first line. He remembers being so proud, so happy to hear that those two were finally tying the knot. After two years of scrounging up money and waiting for the right moment to host something truly special, they’re finally doing it. Working up the courage to declare their love in front of a crowd.

They’ll have forever.

Betrayed anger weasels at the corners of Jack’s consciousness and he nearly tears his own hair out before the logical part of him takes control. There’s nobody to blame. Nobody except himself. He was so foolish to give everything to Gabriel.

Or perhaps the angel was the fool for falling for him.

There is no doubt in Jack’s mind that the angel did indeed love him. If Gabe’s promise is anything to go by, he still holds that love in his heart, wherever he is. He will not doubt his partner’s integrity, at least, not while he’s still grieving. The knowledge that his angel is out there somewhere watching him, thinking about him when he can, is enough to help him get through the rest of the day.

He sends a message to Ana, letting her know that he’ll be bringing a +1. If Gabriel isn’t there to join them, then he can at least offer the same courtesy to Jesse. The kid might not have taken to him as strongly as he did the angel, but he’s a kindhearted guy that could really use a break from his job, in Jack’s opinion.

The last he heard, Jesse had taken a gig as a waiter as soon as he was able to get into community college and move out of his father’s place. Jack feels more tears eke their way out as he thinks about how proud he is.

He prays that Jesse never feels this kind of heartbreak. Though, he’s not sure how he’s going to explain where Gabriel went to the kid. It remains to be seen, especially since Jack doesn’t think he’ll get through the explanation without bursting into tears.

He manages to send the invite to Jesse before tossing his phone down, groaning when it gets lost between the cushions of the couch. He can’t be bothered to care at this point. Jack simply lays his head down on a cushion again, ignoring his own hunger. He can eat dinner later. Around midnight would be fine.

The raging devastation and sadness boiling inside him has simmered down to a quiet bereft feeling, at least. It’s a numbness, much like getting out of the ICU after the explosion, like taking partner after partner and watching himself fail to connect emotionally with any of them.

The hardest thing is that there’s nobody to blame. Besides himself, he could blame fate, or some nondescript Archangel that called Gabriel back to where he truly belongs, but there’s no face to put to any of those things. The only face that he can blame is one that he swears never to accuse of anything. Gabriel followed his heart, and Jack couldn’t be more grateful for the time they had.

He can only wish that it didn’t end this way.

The days blur together, as they are prone to do whenever Jack can barely manage to roll out of bed in the morning. It’s painful watching couples go by, enamored with each other, and Jack swears that he can point out every single flaw in each relationship. Or perhaps he’s trying to hold his own lover above all others.

It’s made clear to him, as he’s trying desperately to convince himself that one partner is cheating on the other, that his efforts are futile, and that he never needed to hold Gabriel in high regard. In fact, the angel wanted the exact opposite. Everything he did was so intentionally human that he was constantly caught between two worlds. Jack provided him with just as much help as he got, and he realizes that it would be a disservice to his memories to elevate Gabe above anyone else.

And yet, he can’t deny that he would sell any soul he has left if he could worship every inch of his lover’s body one more time. Gabriel, in all his grandeur and all-knowing prowess, seemed so much more human to Jack than anyone he encounters at this time, even more than the friends he’s made at his job.

Working doesn’t even comfort him anymore. It’s mechanical at this point, every motion perfected so Jack could do it in his sleep. It leaves room to remember everything he had, mentally cataloguing every single detail in his mind so he doesn’t forget. He _can’t_ forget, or at least he won’t allow himself to.

When all else seems bleak, at least he can remember Gabriel and his love. At least he can remember his own worth that he found with the angel by his side.

He takes the sentiment with him as he learns to survive. As he progresses as he always did before Gabriel fell into his life and he, in turn, fell in love. That remaining love is a kernel of warmth in his heart, especially on the days where everything else blurs out and he buries himself in soft sheets and a bottle of whiskey.

Those days are few and far between, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

He doesn’t bother finding someone else. Not when the wound is this fresh, and he finds that he doesn’t even need anyone anymore. It’s as if Gabriel is still with him in that regard, as if he’s stolen every bit of devotion that Jack can offer and refuses to give it back. The vet finds he doesn’t mind that one bit.

It’s how he learns to live again, at least a little bit. He talks to nobody for support, keeps everything to himself but that’s alright. He doesn’t want to share what he had with Gabriel with anyone, not even with his parents who call to make sure he’s still alive.

Even without his physical presence, Gabriel is still helping him. Selfless bastard.

***

The wound closes some over the two months between Gabriel leaving and Ana and Reinhardt’s wedding. Not completely, but it’s enough that Jack can present himself as a happy and loving friend. Jesse stands by him as they greet other wedding guests, decked out his best suit and tie, yet still refusing to take that stupid hat off.

The kid doesn’t ask where Gabriel is, and Jack supposes that’s a blessing. He won’t have to explain until someone inevitably poses the question. Of the few people that know about the angel, one of them has to be curious enough.

Ana looks absolutely ravishing, henna decorating her hands and legs as she walks down the aisle by herself.  Jack stands by Reinhardt’s side, remembering how he nearly sobbed into his friend’s chest when he was asked to be the best man.

He finds himself tearing up at the altar as the two say their vows, trying to distract himself with all the beautiful décor. It’s a fusion of traditions, but it falls together so nicely that it can’t be anyone else’s work but Ana’s. He loves Reinhardt to death, but the man doesn’t have a single bone of finesse in his body.

Both of them look stunning, Jack decides. They’re so perfect together, as mismatched as their personalities might seem. He catches Fareeha’s eye from the altar and smiles at her. She takes a slight break from looking formidable to give him a little wave, obviously excited to see him after all this time. Ana was right- she’s done so well for herself.

He approaches her after the official ceremony, noticing how good the fitted suit looks on her. Jesse sidles up to him and shakes her hand, obviously impressed. Jack comments that the kid should take fashion advice from Ana’s daughter and the gasp Jesse gives him hurts just a bit too much. It sounds so much like Gabriel’s dramatic noises that he would always make and the wound in Jack’s heart gets a little wider. He pushes it down for the sake of the event, asking Fareeha all sorts of questions about her bodyguarding gig to distract himself.

She’s the spitting image of Ana in her youth now, just slightly taller and bulkier. She looks like the ideal image of a soldier, even at her age. Jack prays that it doesn’t get her into any trouble.

Ana pulls him away from harassing her daughter eventually, leaving her and Jesse to exchange stories and laugh together. They’d make good friends, Jack muses as Ana forcefully turns him around and looks him in the eye.

“Jack,” the sniper begins, fiddling with her own hands. Jack doesn’t think he’s seen her this anxious in a while. “I didn’t know how to say this at first, but… I didn’t know you were engaged!”

The blonde’s eyes widen. Of course, he still has his ring on. Well, he supposes it’s as good a time as any to make up a story about Gabriel’s absence. “Oh, yeah.” He waggles his finger in front of her, giving her a forced smile. “We’re not really engaged, but Gabriel and I started wearing them at our two-year anniversary. Figured it was time to give him something, since we worked together so well.”

Ana raises an eyebrow. She seems… confused. “Gabriel…” she mutters under her breath.

Jack nods, chuckling softly. “C’mon, Amari. Your memory can’t be going this early, can it? You remember Gabe, right? Terrified of you, dark brown curly hair, we got together a little after the Christmas party a couple years ago?”

He’s about to launch into an on-the-spot detailed explanation about how Gabriel’s out of town with his band and couldn’t make it to the wedding when Ana holds up a hand.

“Jack… I’m sorry, I don’t know who you’re talking about. I don’t think you ever introduced us.” She looks so concerned, but it’s nothing compared the rush of cold that shoots through Jack’s system like a spear made entirely of ice.

“A-Ana, stop making jokes, I’m serious.”

“I wouldn’t joke about this and you know it. I have no idea who Gabriel is.”

Jack shakes his head quickly, denying that this could be happening, and shoulders past his friend. She follows him, disgruntled and worried, until they find Reinhardt. Jack pulls him away from another guest for a moment, apologizing profusely.

“Reinhardt. You need to tell me right now if you remember Gabriel. My partner, you met him around Christmastime two years ago.” His eyes are wild, and he’s sure he’s tripping over his own words, but Reinhardt seems to get it after a moment of thought.

“I can’t say I do,” he says thoughtfully. “Though, I could just be forgetting out of excitement! I’ll tell you later if I remember, but relax for now, my friend!”

Jack backs away, his hands trembling. He can’t trust his own senses anymore; the room seems to be melting around him as the reality of the situation sinks in. He rushes over to Jesse and taps him on the shoulder.

“Do you know who Gabriel Reyes is?” If anyone will remember, it’s Jesse. Gabe made such an impression on him, helped him through so much strife, it’s impossible the kid will be confused.

And yet, the same look that flashed across Ana’s and Reinhardt’s faces plagues Jesse’s as well. “Ain’t ringin’ a bell, sorry.” He shrugs casually and goes back to conversing with Fareeha.

Jack’s blood runs cold. He stands in the middle of the reception hall as the voices and music blur into one cacophony that makes his head hurt. The wound in his chest tears open once more, a flood of emotions nearly knocking him off his feet with how strong they are.

To everyone he cares about in this world, Gabriel is nothing but a figment of his imagination.

He’s startled out of his reverie when Ana puts a hand on his shoulder, and he spins around to meet her gaze. She looks more worried about him than ever, and he kicks himself for causing all this trouble on her wedding day.

“Jack, listen to me. It’s possible that Reinhardt and I don’t remember Gabriel and did meet him as you said. If it makes you feel better, I would love to meet him someday.”

Jack shakes his head, letting out a little laugh. “Kind of too late for that.” His story changes as he speaks, but it’s too late to regret anything. The whirlpool of emotion within him has taken hold and he can’t do anything to stop it.

“He left me. We’ve been broken up for a couple months now. It’s just… hard to let go of him, y’know?” He wills the tears away by some miracle. He refuses to break down in front of every guest at this damn wedding.

Ana nodes and just pulls him into a hug. “I understand how that must feel, Jack. Just know that Reinhardt and I are here for you, as I’m sure you’ve figured out.” She smiles at him and runs a hand through his hair and he can’t help but sniffle a little.

“I know,” he mumbles into her shoulder. He pulls away and composes himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You look amazing, by the way. Rein’s a lucky man.”

She smirks at him. “Oh, trust me. That’s something all three of us are aware of.”

Jack chuckles and waves to her as she goes to take more pictures with her husband. He stumbles over to a bench and takes a seat, grabbing a glass of _something_ that smells alcoholic on his way. He downs it and stares down at the ornate carpet, trying to process just what the hell is going on.

Gabriel is gone and nobody remembers him. That much is clear, given the honest, open, confused looks all three of his confidants have given him.

Jack’s only question is _why_ he’s the only one that remembers.

The rest of the night passes by much like the past two months: blurred, completely disconnected from reality. He catches a cab for both himself and Jesse, dropping the kid off at his small place before getting home himself. He slams the door behind him and nearly pops one of the buttons on his jacket as he shucks his clothing off.

He stands there with only his unbuttoned shirt on, staring at the wall as he sits slumped over on the bed. Every possible question is roiling around in his head, most of them starting with the word ‘why’.

Why is he the only one that remembers Gabriel? Why did the angel leave without telling him about this? Why is he suddenly alone in his own understanding, yet again?

After two months, why does it still hurt so much?

Jack numbly reaches around for his phone, a sudden idea having popped into his head. He’d taken a picture of all of them at the Christmas party. He scrolls through his negligible camera roll until he finds the one with that date, frantically opening it up.

Everyone’s there. Ana, Reinhardt, him, Jesse…

Everyone except Gabriel.

Jack panics, flipping through the rest of his photos only to find empty frames of rare photos he’d taken of Gabriel doing any sort of mundane thing. Any pictures of the two of them only show Jack looking youthful, happy, and free. There is no sign of the angel. Jack curses himself for not checking these sooner, to spare himself even more pain.

“FUCK!”

He throws his phone against the wall, curling up into as tight a ball as he can manage, a choked scream escaping his throat. He clutches at his hair, ripping some out in the process. It’s been becoming so thin with how much he worries at it, the gray strands ever present amongst the blonde.

“Fucking… asshole,” Jack grits out as he grinds his teeth together. He can’t help but be furious at the way Gabriel left him. He’s past the initial reverence of everything that was perfect and pristine in their relationship.

He can blame Gabe now.

Every bit of guilt is placed on his lover for leaving him with such grief, for just disappearing and making him out to be the crazy one. Gabe left him in the pit of his own nightmares with no semblance or trace of his existence. And yet, Jack wakes up tortured every morning to the sight of an empty bed. He suffers at the hands of his own memories, plaguing him to the point of tears constantly.

And for what? In the eyes of the world, what they had wasn’t even _real_.

Jack catches himself questioning if it was ever real to Gabriel. If he was ever more than just something to toy with.

“Why did you do this?” He wonders aloud, projecting his voice in hopes that it will reach the angel, wherever he might be. “Why did you have to go and _leave_ me? Why didn’t I forget about you?!”

He finds himself crying again, his fingers slipping over the warm metal of his ring as he rips it off with full intention to throw it somewhere where it’ll be lost to time. _The wall will do_ , he thinks morbidly as he rears back, about to chuck it with as much fury as he can muster.

His muscles weaken. The metal feels heavy in his hand.

Jack groans pitifully, letting his arm fall back to the mattress with a _thump_. The band is still held tightly in his fingers, and he holds it up to his face.

How cruel it is, for him to be alone with the memories of the man he loves. Jack presses the ring to his mouth and kisses it, his hands shaking along with the rest of his body as he cries. His phone vibrates noisily from its place on the floor, and he gingerly examines it to find that there’s a small crack in the upper corner where it hit the wall and bounced off.

Tears plunk against the screen as he unlocks the phone, reading the text from Ana.

_We’re on our way to the hotel. We fly out tomorrow. Thank you so much for coming tonight, Jack._

_Remember that we love you._

Jack drops his phone screen-first onto the mattress, regarding his ring once more. His finger feels empty without it, as if it molded itself to his skin and made a home there.

Just like Gabriel, in some regards.

He chuckles wetly and slips it back on, falling backwards to stare up at the ceiling.

“Why can’t I hate you,” he wonders aloud. Hopefully Gabriel is listening for _that_ one.

_Because you love him_ , his own thoughts seem to whisper back.

Jack laughs.

***

Jack manages to pick up and keep going, as he always does. It takes much too long to do so, especially after the realization that Gabriel is all but unreal to now. There are days where he wakes up and can’t remember the saccharine tone of the angel’s voice, where he’s forgotten the feathery sensation of Gabe’s beard brushing against his skin.

Those are the bad days. The days where he frantically tries anything to make himself remember. He brushes his hands against his own face, nearly scratching himself a few times in an effort to give himself the same visceral feeling of being with Gabriel.

It comes back, slowly but surely. It always does.

He takes up drawing for a moment in time, trying to recreate Gabriel’s image. What comes out is always a mess, odd angles and incorrect anatomy making everything he’s learned seem like it’s not worth it. Jack gives up eventually. No matter how much he improves, he can never do the angel’s eyes any sort of justice.

He speaks to Gabriel at night, sometimes. He never took himself for a religious man, but after experiencing every detail of Gabe’s presence, he can’t help but hold out hope. He fools himself into hoping that his lover is listening every time he lays on his bed, his hands folded over his stomach as he rambles on.

“Sometimes I wonder if you kept your promise,” he often muses. “It’s so hard to do what you do, I’m sure, but I wish you would just give me a sign that you’re still there listening to me.” He laughs to himself morbidly, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t blame you if you’re not, I just… I miss you so damn much, Gabe.”

That’s the staple of every prayer he sends up to possibly deaf ears. “You were the best thing that could have happened to me when I got fired from that shit job, and now you’re just gone, aren’t you? I know I shouldn’t expect you to come back, but I can’t fuckin’ help it. Some days I can’t even remember what you look like and it hurts so _bad_ , I-I feel like I’m going crazy.”

He sniffles and lets out a pained laugh. “You always knew how to set me straight when I was getting into my own head, and now sometimes I can’t get out of it anymore. And sometimes I get so angry with you that I want to pretend that I didn’t mean anything to you. But that’s not true, is it?”

He reaches up to the heavens, paying no attention to the way his hand looks in stark contrast against the white of his ceiling.

“I know that you’re probably not answering me because there’s a million other things you have to do and you’d probably get flayed alive if you did. Still hurts, but I get it. I don’t care if I have to say it a million more times for you to even hear me. Time probably passes by so fast for you that it takes months for you to get time to listen in on me.” Jack steels himself, taking a deep breath. There’s no way he’ll make it through this half-coherent.

“I love you,” he begins, and he can already feel his walls breaking down. The walls so carefully constructed around him to fool people into thinking he’s _fine_ , that he’s just a little depressed and that nothing could have possibly happened. “I love you more than I’ve loved anyone I’ve been with. You were there for me when I was making a complete ass of myself and you stayed when you probably _wanted_ to leave sometimes. And I tried to do the same for you. Hopefully that worked out okay.”

Jack swallows thickly, his eyes stinging. His arm tingles with the loss of blood flow from keeping it vertical all this time, but he doesn’t care. “I don’t think I want anyone else as my partner. After all, you didn’t really let me say goodbye to you, did you?” He smiles, his pillow slowly getting soaked with the tears that roll down from the corners of his eyes. “So, I still think you have a promise to keep, Gabe. I’m not giving up until you let me let go of you, you asshole.”

Memories of Gabriel’s eyes flash before Jack’s eyes and his chest constricts even more. His voice becomes more slurred, yet he knows that at least one person in the universe will be able to understand him. “I don’t know why I’m the only one who remembers you, but I’m past that now. I’ll take whatever it means to you, because to me it means I get to keep you until I’m too senile to remember anything, I guess.”

He takes a deep breath, finally letting his arm fall to the bed. “I-I miss you so fucking much, Gabe.” The hand that isn’t numb roughly wipes at the tears staining his cheekbones. “I love you and I’ll always love you. That’s- that’s my promise, alright?”

Jack rolls over and lets everything out, nearly screaming with the force of his sobs. The emotion is still raw- it hasn’t been that long, but he’s done with keeping everything hidden within him. If all Gabriel gets to listen to is him pleading and crying, then so be it.

At least he can live on with the memory of his lover, even if he can’t share that with anyone. At least the only person that can keep Gabe is him, he thinks to himself as he clings to the angel’s long-unused pillow. It’s soft, but nowhere near as soft as the glances he once got, the caresses against his skin his lover would impart.

In these moments, the hard shell he’s built around himself once again comes tumbling down. Gabriel always knew how to expose the center of Jack’s being, how to work his way in until he’s holding Jack’s heart in the palm of his hand and there’s no way that the soldier can be anything but tender.

But he’s alright with being this way with Gabriel. It’s another reminder of how things used to be before everything disappeared. Jack twists the ring on his finger shakily, something he’s grown used to doing in these moments.

So long as he has it, everything they had will still be real.

***

It takes him five years to finally feel like he’s in a good place. Five years of suffering and the occasional unhealthy drinking spree to make him realize that he’s made progress without Gabriel there at his side. Jack buys flowers for himself every anniversary they should have spent together, watching them slowly wilt as hard as he tries to keep them alive.

He does buy a pot of orchids, just to freshen up the place. It got so stale after the 50th time he looked at the same spot on the windowsill and wished there was something filling up the space. As it stands, taking care of the flowers gives him something to do when he gets home from work.

Gabriel would have loved it, he often muses.

He’s forgotten what the angel’s voice sounded like, as five years turn into ten and his hair goes gray, laugh lines playing at the corners of his eyes. He only knows that there was never a sweeter sound than Gabe’s voice when he had just woken up from a deep sleep. He misses the tired, craggy sound of it still, even though he can’t place his finger on how it used to sound.

On the worst days, the only thing he can remember is that stunning pair of brown eyes that told a million stories all at once.

Still, with the love of his friends and family to keep him afloat when he feels like he’s drowning, he moves on. He has to move on, it’s the only way that he can ensure his own survival. Being cooped up for too long in his own memories became damaging after the first year, and it was a slow but steady climb up from the bottom.

Going to work was the most painful, but in the end, it saved him from the slump he might have fallen into had he not had something to look forward to at the beginning of the next day.

He doesn’t feel as genuinely comfortable and happy as he did with Gabriel, but he’ll take his blessings. At least he’s alive. At least he can live on without needing to think of his lover every second of the day. It hurts, knowing that Gabe really isn’t coming back, but he knows it could hurt much more.

After all, there’s the lingering memory of the love they shared.

***

And then, Jack wakes up to a world on fire.

The screams weren’t what woke him up, exactly. It was the clandestine sound of a horn being blown that caused him to lurch out of bed. Though, the sounds of anguish that echo through the streets below his apartment prompt him to hastily pull on a shirt and throw open the door without heed to how scalding it might be.

There are flames everywhere, licking at the corners of buildings and crawling their way up trees planted painstakingly along the street. Jack’s eyes widen and he wonders why he’s not out there screaming with the rest of them.

He tries not to pay attention to those being caught in the massive fire, or the cracks in the sidewalk that seem to swallow people whole in the midst of the blaze. It all seems like some sort of dream- like he’s walking calmly through the suffering of billions as if he’s some sort of benevolent god.

_That’s_ the thing that troubles him, out of everything else. The fact that the screams and horrified expressions of those desperately trying to escape their fates have almost no effect on him whatsoever. He floats, emotionless, through their sorrows and desperation. It’s as if part of him is searching, rifling through each tortured soul to find… something.

The pearl hidden within the oyster. The kernel of calm among the chaos.

Everything he knows is crashing down upon him, yet that single light at the end of the tunnel reassures him, somehow. It whispers to him that everything will be alright.

Jack takes a deep breath. He knows where he has to go.

The street should scorch his bare feet with how much pressure he puts on it, but it somehow feels cool as could possibly be, given the miasma around him. Pedestrians fleeing for their lives seem to avoid him in their panic, as if he parts their torment with his own simple existence. His expression remains stony as he walks past throngs of panicking civilians.

He’s seen this all before, in another time. That’s what he chalks it up to.

Or maybe it’s something different, as he carefully steps over charred bodies lining the edges of the sidewalk. Maybe it’s something calling to him, allowing him to feel calm through all of this. It can’t be what he’s been holding out for. Or maybe, in the time of rules crumbling at their feet, _he’d_ be allowed through one last time.

Jack’s eyes seem to lose focus- every burning building, every suffering person that brushes past him seem to mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Jack wonders if this was how _he_ always viewed the world. This cruel, uncaring bird’s-eye view of the way everything works.

It’s not so bad, if he thinks about it.

The park is barren, grass long dead with how quickly everything must have gone up in flames. Jack wonders what time it is, though he knows time doesn’t really matter anymore. To be in a world beyond such physical things… he never thought he’d see the day.

He must have just fallen asleep before this all started, because he catches brief traces of moonlight, shining through the smoke clogging his lungs. It’s a familiar sensation, though when he tries to breathe it’s surprisingly easy. His voice is untouched by the tendrils of smog, yet his mind parts with the curiosity as quickly as it latched onto it.

He treads carefully through the burnt crisps of grass, listening to the quiet crunching noises beneath his feet. He hasn’t gone tramping barefoot through grassy fields since he was a child, why didn’t he do this sooner?

One last look at the sky tells him that it’ll all be over soon. All the pain, all the suffering. Perhaps it’s better this way.

Jack becomes acutely aware that some of these thoughts invading his consciousness are not his own. They’re from something else entirely, thoughts of a being completely beyond this plane of existence. His heart practically soars with the knowledge that his last wish is less impossible than he thought.

_I knew it,_ he thinks as he regards the figure lounging casually at the top of a small knoll in the middle of the park. It’s Gabriel. A sad smile worries his features, though the rest of him looks exactly the same as he once did, ten years ago. Jack reaches out to him, his hand trembling as he trips over himself.

Everything comes crashing down all at once, and the frantic feeling returns in full force. Jack drags himself up to his lover, desperate to be close to him once more, the emptiness in his heart torn open in full force. He finally reaches the top of the knoll, the burning vestiges of what was once a tree above his head, when…

The emptiness stops. Everything stops. It’s as if they’re frozen in time, ashes hanging in the air as if they weren’t just raining down upon them.

Jack reaches out once again for the man in front of him, but Gabriel merely holds his face in both hands. A slight metallic sensation against his cheek tells him that his lover is still wearing his promise ring.

“My Jack,” the angel coos, and there’s something otherworldly about him. Or perhaps that’s just the fact that Jack has longed for him for quite some time. “I missed you so much.”

There’s nothing and everything to say. Every question he’s asked to his ceiling with no answer burgeons at him, yet he doesn’t want to take time away from what they have here.

And yet… he must.

“What’s happening?” Jack clutches Gabriel’s arms, clawing at the soft skin that once found its home sliding across his body.

Gabriel smiles that same smile once more. Jack feels like crying.

“You know, it’s sort of a bad thing when an angel falls in love with a mortal,” Gabriel says, his voice light, almost inhuman. There’s a glow to him as he stares at Jack, the same love in his eyes as before. “It’s _really_ bad when an Archangel falls in love with one. Even the best of us can’t hide things forever.”

Jack shakes his head, and Gabe just draws him in for a gentle hug. The ashes begin to fall once more, as if his angel has lost whatever control he had at the first moment they fully touched.

“I-I don’t understand-”

“I don’t have much time, and you don’t either, so I’ll try to make it brief.” God, the voice in his ear could be saying any type of horrible thing and he would still love it. There’s nothing left to lose anymore, after all. “To beings like us, any world with life is just like all the others. Completely disposable. You have your notion of being special in the eyes of Heaven, but there are and will be countless other worlds like yours in the span of the universe.”

Gabe presses a kiss to Jack’s cheek. “But to me, Earth is kind of special. I think you know why.” He looks into the distance, a pained smile on his face. “Guess you can figure out that this is my punishment.”

Jack sobs, tangling his fingers in Gabe’s hair and kissing every part of him he can reach. “So this is it, then?”

Gabriel nods. “Are you scared?”

The soldier pauses. “I’m terrified.”

“That’s okay. I’m right here, I promise.”

They sit in silence for a while, isolated from the chaos of the collapsing world around them. Nobody seems to notice them as they hold each other, and yet Jack still shivers in anticipation against Gabriel’s strong frame.

Another question. The one he asks every night that he manages to look up at his ceiling and talk.

“Why am I the only one that remembers you?” Jack’s voice cracks with smoke, his body thrumming with subdued panic.

Gabriel bites his lip, looking away. He’s blushing, somehow, yet it disappears when he turns his head back.

“Is it so unfair that I didn’t want you to forget about me?”

Jack laughs. It’s an unbridled, almost ugly thing, yet to him it’s the most euphoric he’s felt in a lifetime. The ultimate fate of his world finally sinks in, and he knows that no amount of thought coursing through his brain will save the other people on this forsaken planet.

As Ana said herself, everyone dies.

“I never forgot about you. Not one day went by where I didn’t miss you. It hurt so much, waiting for you.”

Gabriel’s smile turns even wider. “Oh, trust me, I know. I was listening in to _all_ of it. You had every right to be angry with me, Jack. I didn’t exactly leave in a graceful way.”

“That doesn’t matter anymore, you idiot,” Jack chuckles harshly, his mood turning sour. “I’m fuckin’ dying, just like everyone else.” He looks up with tears in his eyes, torn between his own grief and the love that he feels in this moment. He can’t help but feel grateful, though, that Gabriel was able to see him one last time.

“Don’t say it like that.” Gabe’s voice turns forceful, and yet there’s a broken undertone to it, as if his heart aches as much as Jack’s does. “You’re just-”

“I’m _what_ , Gabriel?! I’m not going to a better place, I’m not going to fall asleep peacefully, the world is falling apart because you loved me too much!”

The angel sits for a moment, quietly processing Jack’s outburst. “Do you regret it?” The voice is small, almost tentative. Jack’s never heard a more pitiful sound.

He thinks about it. Does he regret anything? Is there a moment in his relationship with Gabriel that he wishes he could take back? That he would trade in to cancel out the suffering that looks all too familiar to him? He regards the streets, on the death strewn about in multitudes. What’s the point of lying anymore?

“No,” he whispers, dragging Gabriel in for the first proper kiss in ten years.

The angel makes a beautifully broken sound, getting ever closer as they share the last few moments of their lives together. Jack parts only for air, diving back in in a desperate bid to get as close as he can with the waning time he has left.

“Any chance that I’ll see you again?” He sheepishly asks it against Gabriel’s lips, pulling a chuckle from the other man.

“Perhaps in another life. Even beings like me can’t withstand the inevitable fate of this universe.” Jack takes that and holds it in his heart as he can feel the ground shake underneath them. Not too long now.

Gabriel pulls away, looking him in the face for a moment. His expression is all too serious, a stark contrast to what it just was.

“Will you let me take you with me?”

That question gives Jack pause. What could Gabe possibly want that involves taking him along? What would become of him if he went with his lover?

“You wouldn’t be yourself,” Gabe continues, “you’d just be- what do you call it- your soul, I guess. But we’d be together until the end of _my_ reality, not yours.”

Jack nods. No second thought. It’s all he wanted after Gabriel left. If he’s going to die, at least what’s left of him will belong to his Guardian Angel. It always has, anyway.

“Are you ready?”

Another nod. Gabriel leans in.

They kiss one last time and Jack feels himself die.

He was wrong. It’s as easy as falling asleep.

He looks up at Gabriel, his vision slowly fading away until he just…

Is.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” The angel croons, his thumb stroking along the pulsing edge of the soul in his hands. The ball of light seems to flicker, warmth exuding from it.

Gabriel smiles as he looks out on the horizon, his body hazy in the morning light.

They watch the world burn together.


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their love is a cycle.

The universe ends and is reborn, as all things must go. Eons upon eons pass, and a small, nondescript planet forms out of the ashes of its still-developing galaxy.

Gabriel Reyes shoots awake 4.5 billion years later. Give or take a few centuries.

His duffel is already packed, and he trips over himself to get to the mess hall with time to eat before his scheduled trip. He doesn’t treat this like his last meal on death row, but some other recruits do, judging by the way they look at him. They’ve all heard the legends of the SEP. Only the lucky ones make it out. Something about good genetics.

The nondescript car that’s supposedly shipping him and Sanchez out arrives around noon. He slumps over in the backseat and allows himself to take a nap.

They wake him by opening the door, almost letting him slip out were it not for his seatbelt. He gives the driver a withering look before stepping into the clinical-looking training center.

So, this is where they’ll make or break him. He thought he got through all that shit in Basic.

There are throngs of other physically standard recruits milling about, and some of them regard him with awe because of the scars on his face. Gabriel scoffs. As if that made him any more special. They’ll have those soon enough.

He’s directed to his room by a stuffy-looking woman in a lab coat, who tells him to be up on the second floor for the first round of testing by 1900 hours. Gabe salutes her and she walks off, her heels clicking noisily along the floor.

He throws the door open, lugging his duffel over to the unmade bed on the left side of the room. More cushy than the military, at least. Should be that way, considering this is probably where most of them will meet the Big Guy upstairs.

No sign of the person supposedly rooming with him, though. The only traces of him are the rumpled sheets and the duffel stashed hastily under the bed as if he left in a hurry. Gabriel doesn’t know what his deal is, but the mattress is softer than anything he’s felt in two years and he’s going to finish the goddamn nap he started in the car.

The door opening startles him awake and he hauls himself up, pawing around for the lamp on his bedside table until he finally finds it. By that time, his roommate is already standing in the doorway looking bemused at him.

“Sorry if I woke ya. Just came in here to take a break.” The guy’s built pretty sturdy, broad shoulders and tufts of freshly shaven blond hair. He’s quite the army man aesthetic, isn’t he? Cute, too.

Gabriel rolls out of bed and pads over to him, noticing that there’s something odd about those twinkling blue eyes. Something familiar.

He sticks out his hand, offering his best just-got-out-of-bed smile. “Gabriel Reyes. Guess we’ll be stuck with each other until one of us dies, huh?”

Blondie laughs and shakes his hand. Okay, _definitely_ something out of the Uncanny Valley. Whatever emotions he’s feeling at the sound of that laugh need to _quit it_.

“Jack Morrison. And, let’s just postpone the death as much as possible, why don’t we?”

A voice enters Gabriel’s mind. It’s somehow his own, yet it contains none of his own thoughts. The voice is kind, gentle, like it’s experienced the best and worst of the universe all rolled into one package.

_Don’t worry_ , it tells him. _You’ll get it right this time._

***

Gabriel isn’t sure when he started loving Jack Morrison. It felt like the natural thing to do, progressing from late night talks across the room to just crawling into each other’s beds so they can stop raising their voices. It helps with the bad injections, when he’s shivering from cold he can’t warm or panicking because his skin feels like it’s ripping off with every movement he makes.

Jack helps. He’s always there, just a moment away.

And through it all, that voice remains. That quiet guide, occasionally stopping by to direct him, to urge him to do something more.

It feels right to kiss Jack. To love him. It feels like home.

It feels right to be vulnerable in front of him, to lay his skin bare and allow the man to kneel and explore every inch of it with his mouth. It feels right return the favor.

It feels right to laugh with him into the night. To try stupid shit that will probably get them killed faster than the injections ever will. It’s right sneaking out with him, exploring the rest of the world around the training facility.

It’s right taking him on vacation and stargazing until they tiptoe in late at night and get flayed by his mother.

It’s right throwing his own body over Jack’s to protect him from gunfire. From the rest of the world that denies what they feel for each other.

The mornings that he lies awake, tracing his fingers over the battle-worn skin of his lover are brief, few and far between, as there’s always something more to do. But those sparkling eyes just stare back at him, and that ever-present stubble scratches against his face whenever they kiss.

He takes the mornings as they come. They’re small blessings in a cruel world.

The victory against the Omnics is bittersweet. He grabs Jack and picks him off the damn ground for a moment just because he can, setting him back and kissing the life out of him as the last machine falls. Jack responds by dipping him so low that they fall over, which only allows the man to crawl over him and ravish his lips some more.

They cry that night as they hold each other, too exhausted to do anything more. Gabriel knows it could very well be goodbye.

Blackwatch comes as his second savior. The ability to still be with Jack, to watch him flourish while he’s allowed to work in the shadows, is more than he could ever ask for. More than he thinks he deserves.

Jesse’s face comes as a familiarity, which is disturbing _and_ surprising. The uncanny feelings he gets around Ana and Reinhardt and everyone else are their own strange thing, but the kid takes to him almost immediately and it _scares_ Gabriel.

He’d spent all this time thinking he was just crazy. Now, it’s becoming a problem.

Jack proposes to him during the third year of Overwatch’s life. “It’s been long enough,” he claims. He slips the ring on Gabriel’s finger with a watery smile, kissing him like they have so many times before.

“It doesn’t have to be a big ceremony. I just... wanted you to have something to remember me by.”

Gabriel gets the most intense sensation of déjà vu that it nearly makes him stumble. The timbre of Jack’s voice, the smile that he wears, the incessant shine of those eyes, it’s _too_ familiar. Everything playing over and over again as if this is how it’s meant to be.

Amongst the chaos in his mind, the voice calms him. _You know what you will say. You’ve always known._

“Of course I’ll marry you,” he whispers through his tears.

The ceremony is small, as promised. Just a few of their closest friends, watching as they stand there, dressed to the nines. Jack looks even more radiant than usual, the light of the small Chapel reflecting in his luminescent eyes.

Gabriel looks at him and knows he’s never been more hopelessly in love.

***

_You need to do more,_ the voice orders him. _You need to protect him, or you will lose him._ Gabriel notices the toll Overwatch takes on Jack and it terrifies him. As Blackwatch becomes more demanding, as Jesse and Genji become more strained with their duties, they’re kept apart, and the bags under Jack’s eyes get even darker. He tries to lighten it with jokes, with sarcasm, with whatever he can to keep the other man happy and laughing, but their duties hang over them like a weight.

And through it all, Jack defends him. Jack responds to his quips with tired ones of his own, holding fast with trust. Trust that Gabriel holds too tight for fear of losing it.

They cling to their love for each other, but sometimes that isn’t enough. They end up sobbing and falling apart in each other’s arms, plagued by the faces that fall at their feet and the demanding nature of everything the UN insists that they do.

They weren’t meant to fix the world. After all, they’re just soldiers.

It’s after the second breakdown in a week that Moira approaches him. She blathers on about genetic enhancements, something about cellular regeneration, but there’s one thing that catches him.

“Think of the things you’ll be able to accomplish.”

Doing things has always been his forte. He has never been one to be bogged down by legality or some uncaring God’s meaningless rules.

He could do more with the enhancements. He could accomplish more, take the strain off Jack. Protect him.

_You could stay together,_ the voice reminds him. Staying with Jack. Being with the man he’s loved unconditionally since day one.

He looks up at Moira, ignoring the odd look on her face.

“Do it.”

_Everything. All of it is for him._

***

Reaper stands alone, shrouded by darkness in the corner of a moonlit street. His footsteps trail wisps of smoke as he advances, ascending the fire escape of an apartment building with ease. He’s not sure what led him here, but the roof of the complex lets him take a load off, reminisce on a few things.

It eases the pain somehow. Just for a little while.

His coat flutters to the ground gently as he walks toward the railing. He doesn’t remove the mask. No one on this Earth should be subjected to what he has become.

He wonders where he went wrong. Where _they_ went wrong. The rage that built in his heart, the frustration that built in Jack’s, the betrayal they both felt when the world burned around them.

_For him alone._

He wanted a better world. He wanted to accomplish everything so he could keep the man he loved. It wasn’t enough. It was never enough. Everything he attempts _now_ will never be enough to get him back. To make him see.

Reaper slumps to the ground, his knees roughly hitting the cement. He groans loudly, though there’s nobody left to hear him.

Through all his rage, through every second of pain and insecurity and _shame_ , he misses Jack. He longs to take everything away, strip them down until they’re just the bodies they’ve memorized time and time again. He longs to take it all back, to go back to where he first went wrong and reverse everything.

There are too many points to name where he made the wrong decision, but it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is the present. And the present means almost nothing to him anymore.

_It’s alright_ , the voice tells him. It’s been so silent since his “death”. Perhaps in disappointment. Reaper-no, Gabriel scoffs into the night. He looks up at the moon as he takes off his glove and twists the ring on his finger. How odd, to find beauty in the world that has forsaken him. Then again, as long as Jack lives, there is something on this Earth to find beautiful.

Gabriel closes his eyes for now.

_Maybe next time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been such an adventure, folks. Thank you so much for reading this story and leaving your amazing comments. I'll be sure to keep writing things in the future!


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